Hello Sandra. So sorry for your loss. I know how you are feeling as I lost my husband of 40yrs in 2019 just before the pandemic. 3 yrs on I am in a better place but find special occasions and anniversaries difficult still. And still hate weekends if I’m not doing anything. It’s early day’s and it’s so raw. But you will find it helpful coming on here where other’s are in the same position. x
Hi Annie - yes I thought that very thing the other day -
after my brother had said to me that he couldn’t possibly understand how I was feeling I realised it was because he hadn’t had that wonderful love and closeness so would never miss it.
So I am trying to be thankful for that.
But it is hard as I am so lonely now and miss him so,badly
But yes - ‘better to,have loved ‘etc
Thank you for the positive thoughts
Hi Andy
Thank you for your advice and I am sorry you are in this situation too
Yes I think it is a good idea to join/ do things - I just need to find stuff I am able to be interested in - it would have been easy before I lost my husband as I was generally interested in loads of things and sometimes wished I had a little more spare time to get involved - but was happiest doing things with him. But now I have all the time in the world it is hard to raise interest in anything - but I will try as I know it is a good thing to do
Yes - I have noticed already if I mention his name there is a sudden silence when with certain friends - I need to talk about him
This site is good for that of course and I am grateful to have found it
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Thank you for replying - I hate Sundays - it’s Sunday morning now and a day I loved previously as I was always free to spend the entire day with my husband. Now I hate it - the day stretches ahead and I know most people will be enjoying it and I am just feeling so sad and missing him so much x
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Good morning Sandra.
My husband had just retired when he passed away and we would talk about all the lovely things we would do together in fact we were packed togo on a river cruise to Amsterdam. He was really looking forward to that but sadly didn’t make it. He was only 67 which isn’t old really.I retired in 2020 .I am lucky in that I have 2 amazing son’s and 4 grandchildren. Grief is a difficult journey but try and keep strong we are all thinking of you on here.x
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Hi that is beautiful , my hubby had just started making things with wood . Nine months before he died . He made me various things . What I will forever treasure . The last thing he made me was a sunflower that also looks like an owl . ( I have always loved owls ) for my birthday last year . When he was really poorly . Sadly he died 26days later . Your wife was very talented . Xtake carex
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I love to hear about people crafting it’s such good therapy. Your wife (sorry don’t know your name)was very talented. I’m painting my garden furniture this weekend. It takes me to another place when I’m occupying my mind.
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Hi Georgia it’s so hard it’s only 7 months since she passed and I’m struggling with it I was up at the cemetery yesterday and I sobbed buckets I hate leaving Leah and Katie I’m just trying my best to do everyday things but that’s a struggle someday s then others not to bad I’m just broken it’s just a bad day XX shellyanne
Hello poppy123 - that fairy house is truly beautiful, how talented your wife was.
I was caring for Martin , my husband after he became severely disabled following 2 brain haemorrhage strokes. He was lucky to survive them both but with huge disability. He managed to,find much pleasure in simpler things - a far call from our lives before where he ran sporting events and managed a pub but happy all the same.
I took charge of most things for us together and also,for,his care and the days were so busy , never enough time to get everything done. The house is so employ and quiet now - it’s unbearable, like you, no kids
I think the way is maybe to force myself to go,out and about as much as possible and do things - although always want to,rush home out of habit even though he’s not here now. But the house we loved and shared is. And our dog
How are you coping?
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I’m glad to hear you have a dog.I have a rescue cat called Pedro .I started having a pet after David died. They are good company. The first one I had was called Manuel sadly he had tobe put down due to kidney failure. My husband was Spanish hence the names.x
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Hi Fred. Good to put a name to the post.
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I lost my partner in May. I don’t know how I’ll ever cope without him, but I have to carryon.
Hi all
Reading these posts resonates with me so much. My beloved husband died 10 weeks ago today, so Sundays are very hard. Well, every day is hard, but Sundays particularly so. And I was on my own today. Usually I have company on a Sunday but not today. We had no children.
Paul died suddenly and unexpectedly after a nearly 2-year battle with cancer. He was 57. So I not only coped with anticipatory grief during those months but had to face the trauma of a sudden death. There was talk of a post-mortem, but our GP, who has been wonderful, and I decided against it. She has patiently answered a lot of my questions and set my mind at rest on a number of points. Like many here, I dealt with whatever nursing was required (actually not much), medications, researched like crazy and bombarded doctors with questions. I’ve been told by hospice staff and the GP how 'wonderful ’ I was, but I couldn’t save him, and I went through an agonising period of ‘should I have, could I have?’. That has eased, but the loss and the sadness is excruciating. The tears are never far away, and I often wander round the house howling like a banshee.
I 'm curious about anyone’s experience with counselling. I have a first session this week but am a little cynical about it.
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Good morning Anza. So sorry for your loss it’s the most excruciating pain loosing a loved one. I lost my youngest daughter Leah this January to cancer of the liver she was 25. I know it must be a little different to loosing a partner but I’m grieving the same I have councilling once a week and I find it helps she is lovely and you can say anything to them I really pour my heart out I find it helps but also I ce on here daily to chat they are really supportive on here as we are all going through the same thing. Hope you get a little comfort on here shellyanne XX 
Hi Fred
Yes I can identify with everything you say. I miss my husband so very very much - every day it’s there in my mind and heart like a big black cloud that affects everything I do.and the loneliness is terrible as I have never lived alone and never wanted to
I know that with time people can find a different love / happiness with a different partner and like you I wonder if maybe in a few years I would be able to? The thought of being alone for the last maybe 30,years or so,of life is terrifying and a sad prospect
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Hello Anza, so sorry for your loss. Suddenly losing a loved one is so hard, not only coping with a death but also the trauma of the shock. My husband died suddenly last November. I started having counselling about four months afterwards really on the advice of my daughter. She starting having session and found them to help. I tried one counsellor who wasn’t for me but have now found one that I feel at ease with. I find it therapeutic in that I can cry, and say things I couldn’t say to anyone else. I started with weekly sessions but now I go every two or three weeks. I have a session this afternoon, which I need, as I’m feeling overwhelmed again this morning with sadness and the unfairness ( I know life isn’t fair!) of it all
I hope you find the counselling helpful in some way. Thinking of you
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Hi Anna - it’s horrible is t it? This new lonely world. And we are supposed to try and get used to,a “new normal” - but I don’t want to - I desperately want our “old normal “ back. But we can’t have that so I guess we must just take one day at a time .
Like you I wander round the house crying out for him sometimes.
I haven’t tried counselling yet but I am intending to do so,and will be interested to,hear how it goes for you?
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@BIGAL1 Me too… how strange. The people who are keeping me going are Sharon’s friends. Somehow, I prefer the company of women…
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@Poppy1231Me too. Sharon’s friends are keeping me sane, and I prefer female company.
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@Sandra7 Yes, totally. I know Sharon would want me to be happy - and although that is totally impossible (as I’m sure she knew) - I’m trying hard not to be consumed by this torture and hopelessness.
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