Of course you are giving things back to us don’t beat yourself up you are doing so well since you started talking to us xxxxxx :
It’s not long Rosemary and we’re told to cry when we want- crying is so tiring too!!
Cancer is an evil disease- so very cruel.
As is dementia….I wonder how we cared for them sometimes but that’s true love isn’t it.
It’s so lovely to hear how many wonderful husbands and wives people have had… I feel so sad to think I’ll never hold his hand or laugh with him again.
We’ll just keep going day by day , hour by hour and try to make our lovely memories help to heal us all xxxx
Thank you Margaret, yes, I am doing better since I found you all xxx
All our lives are a struggle We are all going through the same as you. Keep thinking of all the wonderful times you had with your husband and if you want to talk to him do so I do. love Margaret xxxxxx
@Rome18 We used to listen to the radio all day, it went on in the morning and stayed on till we went to bed. Radio 6 when we were ‘young’ and moved to radio 2 when we just couldn’t take it any more. When my wife died I found it really hard to listen to the radio because of the music and the unexpected our tunes that would crop up. I moved to radio 4 which I can recommend, especially Women’s Hour! there always seems to be a lot on there with coping with loneliness, how to deal with grief, mental health issues, its been a bit of a revelation and much needed for me at this time. They have a lot of different people from experts to those going through, it’s really been illuminating. If you think you’d like it you can log on to the Radio 4 website and it should still be all be available. Also I’ve found radio 4 is mostly chat, plays and comedy so it just burbles along in the background and makes me feel so less lonely.
My husband was compassionate about music and played the piano, the last piece he played is still there. Like you, our home was rarely without music.
Thank you for mentioning Radio 4, I am going to tune into it, it’s sounds as though it will be good for me. I am really missing listening to music programmes but can do without being upset.
@Rome18 Womens Hour is in the morning 10 - 11 I think. But as I say it’s all available on the website. But there’s usually something on that fills the silence, at the moment it’s a bit political but it changes very quickly, lots of programmes that last a half hour or so. There’s quite an amazing range through the day, I was listening to a programme about standing stones on the ‘Road of The Kings’ in Scotland, never heard of it before. And there’s always the Archers which I’m finding myself sliding into 
@Walan Thank you, I shall sort it all out. I always listened to the Archers when staying with my grandparent in school holiday, many moons ago, so it will be nice to hear it again. I also remember hearing the Shipping Forecast. Lovely memories.
I have also found myself tuning into Radio 4. He preferred rock music so there is little on Radio 4 to trigger the tears and it is interesting listening.
My worst times are mornings. I wake up OK (after very wakeful nights at present) and the realisation that he is gone hits me hard. I cope better as the day goes on.
We were together 39 years. His only concern, when he knew his prognosis, was for my welfare. He was my world. I am functioning as half a person.
At night I stay awake as late as I can with catch up tv dramas so that I fall into a deep sleep straight away when I switch off.
Today I took a friend out to lunch to a restaurant we always said we would try but his stomach sarcoma robbed him of his appetite. I felt so very guilty sitting in the sunshine with lovely food. It should have been us two not me and my friend.
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Well I thought I would have a glass of wine tonight. That idea out the window. I can’t open any of the bottles tonight. Just seem weak. I’ll try again tomorrow, one way to stop drinking I suppose.
@Louise1951 Aye Radio 4 has been a bit of a life saver for me, so fewer triggers. they’re still there but in a non musical format with a bit of analysis and suggestions for help if you need it, it’s been quite the eye opener. So much of what you say I relate to, my Wife worked her way through a lot of the 9 months she had after diasgnosis, she loved her work but also wanted to make sure I had as much as she could provide, it still breaks my heart and fills me with gratitude in equal measure. I just go with routines that help me now, wary of things that won’t like drink, but anything else I just do. Downton Abbey at 3 in the morning? Why not!
I’m sure your husband would have been over the moon that you were out and about and sitting in the sun. I know my Wife would have been if it was me.
Walan I’m so glad I’m not the only one watching tv dramas in the middle of the night. When I do something like that I feel that it is wrong but it really helps. It is so much better than lying awake upset with my brain whirring.
It also feels weird not having someone in the house to tell me off for weird behaviour, whether it is middle of the night TV or cornflakes for dinner.
What’s wrong with cornflakes for dinner. So far today I have had bran flakes, 4 pieces of toast and 3 bananas. Can’t face anything else.
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@Louise1951 I was ironing and watching an old ‘The Chase’ at 2am on Tuesday. Thought it more useful than just lying in bed turning everything over in my head and upsetting myself.
Breakfast cereals are good to eat at anytime.
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I had toast and a banana for tea!
But I do feel the same having nobody to tell me off for doing weird things . And not bother doing things that I should!! I’d give anything to just see him peer over the top of his glasses.
Hope we all get a little sleep xx
I hate weekends.
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@Louise1951 I know, in the early days I remember I was eating prawns with an egg fried on top and kidding myself it was an omelette while I watched a documentary about the Una Bomber, in my boxer shorts, at 5 in the morning debating where to go and watch the sun rise, if only I could remember where I put my boots. And my trousers. And then I fell asleep.
It’s really weird where we go at first, but it’s all totally normal. I just went with it, it got me here today, it turned out to be not such a ridiculous strategy as I told myself at the time
Walan Thank you got making me feel normal.
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I hate weekends too. Especially Sundays.
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Yes! Sundays are horrible and bank holidays.
Goodness knows what we’ll do at Christmas -
I’ll be on my own so probably stay in bed! Xxx
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Me to. Norman and I always used to spend Christmas together. Usually had fillet steak Christmas Day. One Christmas we had dominoes pizza. May just stick to toast this year. No point getting up that’s for sure.