Yes, one minute you’re remembering every last minute, second and it’s like yesterday and then you feel like you’ve been heartbroken for ages .
The struggle to just function is so hard xx
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thank you it’s good to know that we are all feeling this way,i think sometimes i am going mad
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Madness might be easier and less painful. Have you experienced the brain fog yet? I worked in IT for 35 years and then had problems paying in 2 cheques via an app. Winds really getting up here now. Fortunately the bungalow is well sheltered. Thinking if you and sharing your grief.xx . Sandra
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Hi Flossy ,yes I get this strange feeling in my chest and then the tears come and they don’t stop in places you don’t want to cry but it happens.we all are experiencing this and I think this will be with us for a long time xxxx
I’m only 2 weeks a widow. The last few days Ive been feeling very numb and robotic but I just had a fall (I have MS) and I’m only a bit bruised but it made me howl because. H would pick me up and hug me and kiss me better and say all sorts of nice things and make me a cup of tea to take some painkillers with…and he wasn’t there. The house is so cold and empty. I tried hugging myself hard and pretendingnit was him but it didn’t work. Im not getting any funeral stuff done. I think…that if I dont do it then there cant be a funeral and H will be alive instead. Which I know is stupid but thats how I feel. Im sorry I jusst talk about me.
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@LizFar YOu sound like your having a rough time, first of just try and breath a bit slower, I know how your feeling, I was the same, They go and it’s just so relentless, but it will pass, it wont go way but you will get a time of stability, a time where you can gather some strength, you have to focus on getting yourself there. Are you physically ok, you say that you fell and you have MS and you have mentioned pain killers. Have you been able to sort yourself out? Are you injured?
At 2 weeks that is all you should do. Get yourself a good funeral director. Mine took all the stress and problems away. They provided a car and escort to register the death. They loaded my mobility scooter in the back of a wonderful jag and made sure I wasn’t alone. Any problem they solved. They even twisted a few rules to make sure my husband had the officiate he wanted. You will be very focused in these first few weeks. There is so much to do. I do hope with your MS that you have plenty of support. I did and couldn’t have got through those first two weeks without it. Take all the help you are offered and howl when you need to for your own well being. I have mobility issues but mine is just arthritic nothing like what you are going through. I feel for you and grieve with you. Love and hugs. Xx. Sandra
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Hi Margaret, yes I think we’re all going to have a big struggle ahead - loads of tears still to come .
We’ll just take ‘little steps’ and go with our feelings. I’ve been worse the last few days and I think it’s starting to sink in that I’ll never see him again- I looked at the pictures on my phone today and laughed and cried. I could have just reached out and touched that face that I know so well. It’s making me cry now - just want him home xxx
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Oh so raw for you. We all pretend they’re still there and I always held johns hand as I sat beside him nearly all day- I often hold something and pretend it’s his hand .
You need a little more time but you will make the arrangements because you know you need to.
H is with you all the time and he always will be.
None of us have any real advice because we’re all feeling like you but we’re here to talk to and hopefully make you feel less alone.
Sending love and understanding xxx
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Hate the weekend I have started to dread it we loved weekends together after work all week.how things change
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I am writing to him every day. I need to keep talking to him. I have people with me all the time and all I want is for them to go away so I can be alone with him in my thoughts. I don’t want distractions. I want my husband back.
The day before the funeral was awful. I needed to see him again because I couldn’t say goodbye the first time. He just looked asleep and I lost it completely when he wouldn’t wake up. My brother had to take me away.
On the day of the funeral I felt so guilty that he was in that box. How could he be in a box. He wouldn’t be able to breathe. Why was he there when we still had so much planned to do together. We weren’t ready. We hadn’t finished.
The day after the funeral I got woken up just before the time of his scheduled cremation. A baby seagull was on the upstairs deck outside our bedroom window. It was frantic, running up and down. It even pecked at the French doors. I thought it was him, terrified at what was about to happen. How could I let them do that to him when he was coming back? Five minutes later, at the time of the cremation the bird just disappeared. I didn’t see it fly away but it was gone.
Sometime early next week they will phone me to say they have his ashes. Will that make it real? What go I do with them? He made me promise not to put him in an urn. Put me under a tree he said. But I might sell the house and I could never move if he was in the garden under a tree.
I felt the same wanting him back is what I wanted to Flossy wished we could but it’s not to be. Life for us is a terrifying experience going through different waves of sadness grief and anger too. Always think of your husband and all the lovely times you had together and as I have said before talk to him all the time. Sending hugs xxxxx Margaret
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Louise you’re in such a bad place and I understand completely.
John would have hated to be in an urn- I scattered his ashes the day I got them - felt pleased he was free- and free of all the pain.
Unlike you though, I have nobody in my life- I pretend im busy if a friend wants to come around- they stay too long and I need to be alone with my thoughts.
This is a nightmare and I wish we could wake up and find them there. I do believe they’re by our sides and will always be in no our hearts.
Sending love xxx
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Dear Margaret, you’re such an inspiration and I wish you didn’t have to go through this either.
Yes, I talk to him and desperately try to remember before he got so ill.
The grief is overwhelming but I’ve got no anger - when I’m shopping and I see other people alone, I wonder if they’ve been where we are.
How can anyone be prepared for this terrible pain?
Xx
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. My husband died in January in an accident in our garage when he was changing the oil on my car. The jack came away and the car crushed him. Its been a terrible shocking time and it doesn’t get any easier.
I’ve kept myself busy as I have three rescue german shepherd dogs but it is a lonely old life now for me. I don’t have that many friends and no family as such.
I have mentioned already that I may start a link on here for people in certain areas to meet in a local place for just a brew and a chat. It depends on where people live really but getting out to a cafe sounds like a good idea to me.
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@lonewife I am so sorry that must have been a terrible experience . You’re so right about people meeting . It’s just everyone lives so far away I should imagine . I live near
Sheffield. My hugs to you x
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What a dreadful thing to happen.
That really is such a shock for you.
I’d love to meet up but I live near kings Lynn.
Yes life is lonely and so, so sad .
Like you I don’t really have anyone but to be honest I’m probably better alone .
Xx
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So sorry for your loss such a tragedy. Keep talking to us all it hopefully will help you through this difficult time Margaret xxxxx
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I’ve started a new conversation asking if anyone lives local to me. Perhaps might be an idea for others.
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Can tell you were a project manager
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