I lost my mum completely out the blue Sunday morning and luckily enough I managed to hold her in some of her final moments (without realising)
The pain I’ve felt since finding out she’s gone is something I never thought possible. My relationship with my mum wasn’t like everyone else’s, she wasn’t my mum… she was my best friend, my soul mate, my partner in crime and I’d sacrificed everything and devoted 100% of my love into caring for my mum with her problems.
She’d suffered for a while with general ill health and ulcerated legs but absolutely nothing that would have made me think she would be gone anytime soon.
I have so many questions and no answers. Negligence from health care was a massive role to play in this and I feel angry. I feel every single emotion at the same time apart from happy.
I’ve cried none stop since Sunday. Ive never hurt like this, I can’t believe she’s left me without saying goodbye, I can’t believe my everyday routine for the last 4+ years has changed. I can’t believe I’ll never feel my sweet angels hands on my face again, I’ll never smell her again, I’ll never get to just cry in her chest again. Now all I can do is cry alone.
Does it always feel like this? Does it ever get better? Because deep down. Every morning is getting harder when i didn’t even think that was possible! Everyday the guilt gets worse… the guilt I could of done more, the guilt I should’ve spent longer with her that day, the guilt that I didn’t act faster to get help, the guilt of feeling responsible, the guilt of falling asleep now she’s gone and waking up in sheer panic hoping it’s all just a dream…
I feel like I’m in a real life nightmare and I’m never going to escape it. I feel like whoever I was prior to Sunday is gone and I’m just a shell now, I’m no idea what I am without her. I feel I have no purpose or place in this world now.
I feel like the only way this ends is when I see my beautiful queen again
The pain is soul destroying and I don’t feel like I’m ever going to stop crying.
How does this pain end because I’ve lost my only person. The only person I cared about, the only person I loved. I’ve lost my whole entire world and I don’t know how to keep going
Hello, I am deeply sorry for the loss of such an important and wonderful person - your mum x
When I read your post I felt that every word resonated with me so much, it sounds like you were really there for your mum through her most difficult times, that is something so precious not many people get a chance, and the honour to do so.
I too lost my mum last year, she was bedridden and unwell for the last 2 years, having battled cancer for the past 10 years. She was also my world, my everything, my best friend and just more than anyone could imagine. My world has been shattered to pieces. I am not the same person I was before and you know what we shouldn’t be expected to be the same, it’s such a significant loss to our lives, our hearts and souls… I have lost friends and I have isolated myself but that’s my way of dealing with it.
I may not be the best person to give you advice as I am still suffering myself, but you can always chat to people on here. I haven’t been on here for a few months until today, I’m really feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and flashbacks.
My advice is take it one day at a time, or one moment at a time.
Sending you hugs and my best wishes, I am hoping our angels are looking over us and one day we will see them again…
There are other groups too which you may want to chat in I can send you a link to one where there are a group of people
I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my mum in nov this year my best friend same routine for 20 plus years a big part of my heart we never be replaced I see mums and daughter shopping bother like we used to and I have to just walk away I feel as though I’m on a non stop loop everyday because a big part of my routine has gone and will never be replaced ever again I think a big part of it is the not taking not ringing not visiting every day I take each day at a time trying to cope a little bit telling myself my away or in hospital and family members are saying try and pull yourself out of it bit but I can’t I feel alone even though people are with me because mam isent by my side and Christmas I just hope it comes and goes quick big huggsxxx.
Hi Joanne, I am really sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum x it is really really recent for you, it’s great that you have reached out on here you need to do what is right for you, without being too harsh I think you need to focus on your own needs right now, how can you pull yourself together when a massive part of your life has been taken away…
I feel the same when I see mums and daughters together, I feel angry and question why my mum had to be taken and others can live…Christmas is a difficult time. Take it easy on yourself.
I would take it one day at a time, no pressure. It is so early xxx sending you hugs and best wishes 🩷🙏
Hia lovely that’s exactly what I’m doing taking one day at a time my anxiety is through the roof at the minute it is realy hard seeing mothers with there daughters and thinking how lucky they are it’s just so hard I’ve always been the strong one but my dad passed ten years and mother in law and father in law my mam was like the last it just feels so hard at the minute so I can relate 100 percent Christmas will come and go quick fingers crossed big huggs xx
Somehow just knowing someone else understands how much this hurts, it helps!
I’m sorry you’re going through this also. It’s hard to believe so many people experience this pain for the rest of their lives
Honestly I agree with everything you’ve said. I feel like I’m frantically searching for something I’ll never find again, I spent every waking moment caring for my mum so now she’s gone I have this massive void and all this availability and free time yet all I want is my mum, nothing anyone can say will help and I find myself getting so angry at people sending condolences when I think “deep down you’ve no idea what this is like you still have your mum” and I see people Christmas shopping or when I leave the shop I’m greeted with “have a nice Christmas” and for me I haven’t even registered it’s Christmas. It’s almost like my worlds come to a grinding halt and I feel like everyone else’s should too! I just can’t even begin to imagine how people feel like this forever but all I can find comfort in is there are people who are going through it too
you need to do what is right for you, without being too harsh I think you need to focus on your own needs right now, how can you pull yourself together when a massive part of your life has been taken away…
sending you hugs and my best wishes.