My son died suddenly the day before his 36th birthday.
He’d phoned me 10 mins before & asked if I needed anything from the supermarket, next call was from his partner saying “ I think Mike’s had a stroke!
We waited 2hours sitting on the cold concrete in the dark with no ambulance available !! After the first 2 hours we gave up waiting for an ambulance & we all manhandled him into the car to get him to hospital!
I also feel guilty, he died of a massive bleed on the brain, he had high blood pressure but believed he could sort it his self! We all kept telling him to go get it sorted but to no avail.
I should have nagged him more!
He has left behind a 1,7 & 10 year old & my heart bleeds for those poor babies !
How the hell does anyone ever come to terms with something like this
This is so sad to read. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself, but the ambulance that didn’t turn up. So very sorry for your loss.
So very sad, I’m sorry.
It’s probably something you’ll never come to terms with, we just have to learn to live with these terrible things that have happened to our children.
This is so sad, we couldn’t save our child! I bet you feel like screaming at the ambulance people…
The same with my son, he didn’t go to the doctors, why didn’t I make him go… as if I could make him do anything! But it’s pure torture for us mothers now, living with the pain in our hearts forever. My son had just turned 36 too. He also left behind his 3 girls 7, 6 & 4… it’s absolutely devastating. They only had a daddy for a few years, will they remember him?
I’m surprised how many of us this happened to to be honest. It’s lovely you have all shared the funeral experiences. Even that I look back & wish I did it differently, but what difference would it make, he’s not here either way. I would have gone in first and out last like one of you did 
All so so sad … I’m sorry to hear your losses. Poor babies that are left with no daddy. It’s so sad.
I wish I had gone before my son it should be our kids first. I have to keep believing in god as that faith is the only other thing that is keeping me here .
My heart bleeds for you, so sad and so traumatic x
I find it difficult to be religious. In a way I’m jealous of those who believe. I’ve thought about it & thought it could be comforting, keep your faith, it will help you. I’m struggling to sleep tonight, so annoying, I’m falling asleep on the sofa, get into bed & my head starts up reliving my sons final weeks. Watching him start to fade away, he had cancer. He was diagnosed in January & died in May. It was hard to believe or accept what was happening before our eyes. We kept waiting for him to get better although we knew they couldn’t cure him we still thought he would get better. He was a skeleton when he died. It’s horrific, like you all have said, I keep thinking I should have done something to make it better, as his Mum why couldn’t I sort this out. I always sorted everything out, picking up the pieces. But I’ve never felt so helpless sitting beside his bed …
It must truly be horrific to watch a loved one suffer like that. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
I wish I had faith where I could find comfort, I wish I could believe that I will see Ben again one day. It doesn’t make sense that supposedly good people are in heaven, I mean it must be overcrowded, and how do you / they recognise you or find you ? Do we continue aging and they don’t ? It’s all unknown and everyone has their own ideas. By the time you find out it’s too late.
It doesn’t matter what anyone says because if you don’t believe it then it won’t help. Every night I am the last to go to bed, I wait until I’m tired, and then my brain starts thinking, it’s like it’s on fast forward, questioning, wondering, eventually I go to sleep. Some days I don’t want to get up either, I guess it’s all part of the process …
I am trying to maintain some kind of routine sleep wise, so go to bed at 9 and read for 30 minutes because i used to get up at 5 for work. August last year i retired, had gym and trainer 4 days a week, drumming lessons, walks in the woods, gardening, lunch with friends and Fridays were going to be for me and Lauren as that was her day off.
I now go bed at 9 look at a book for 30 minutes (dont actually read it) , fall asleep, wake between 1 and 2am and spend the rest of the night crying, hoping it’s a nightmare, seeing her as I found her dead, panicking that I might not be able to remember her, wishing I could die to be with her, feeling guilty because of my son and hubby and on and on until 5am when i get up exhausted.
I wish I was religious too, but the trouble is if you believe in a god who will reunite you with your child after death, presumably that is the same god who took your child away in the first place. I too have problems with sleep. My husband goes to bed quite early and I then sit for hours after that just weeping. Eventually I take a valium, go to bed and sleep for a few hours, but if I need to get up for the bathroom, I immediately start crying again and then I will wake in the early hours and lie for hours thinking and crying. In a way I don’t mind all this, because I see it as a sort of punishment for me, because I didn’t protect my son and keep him alive.
What a terrible thing for this to replay in your head constantly. Your poor boy. I don’t have any advice for you, except to try and think further back to happier memories. Almost impossible, I know.
Grief is exhausting. I also try to read, but don’t take in the words. I just want to think and think about my son, because that’s all that matters right now.
I understand about punishing yourself, I feel the same way. That’s why I will not allow myself to enjoy anything or see joy anywhere - well that’s what my counsellor said.
I too wish I had a strong faith. A very good friend is a devout Catholic who has been here for us as a family since Lauren died. She said she can understand why God takes older people like her dad who was in his 70’ s and has a full life, but can not understand why God took Lauren at 41, mum of 2 girls and someone who did so much good in the community, loved and liked by all. Lauren never had a bad word for anyone and would go out of her way to help others. The only thing she keeps saying is that we all have a blueprint.
I have just had a message of one of Lauren’s friends from primary school telling mdd ed she has just remembered a conversation she had with Lauren at 5 years old. She had asked Lauren if she could be her best friend and Lauren said ’ no because my mum is my best friend’ Lauren’s friend reminded Lauren if this conversation on the day they were leaving secondary school at 16 and Lauren said ’ yes and she is still my best friend’ .
It made me cry sad tears because I failed her and made me cry happy tears of pride that my girl was brave enough to admit what could appear uncool to many.
I can never understand why god takes the good so young.My son was 47 had special needs , but he loved everyone. I met someone the other day , he said I can never understand , Chris always had a smile and used to wave to me on the bus he helped everyone. This is what he did,even when he was in hospital and could not get out of bed,a old fellow in the bed opposite fell trying to get out of bed Chris was the only on who pressed the alarm for the nurse. We need more research into these terrible cancers which seem to attack more and more young people.
Hold on to those happy tears of pride. What an amazing thing for your daughter to have said.
No, I can’t believe in a god who takes the best ones first. Our children should be here with us. I am so angry.
I certainly don’t believe in God and never will x
Hello Ladies , today was so difficult however seeing my son’s friends and work colleagues plus family was comforting. Service was beautiful and I spoke with some humour for my boy.
Still can’t believe his gone and I won’t see him. Was difficult him coming home this morning and then leaving.
Witness charge was difficult to watch I couldn’t do it for long. Seems this is a final day for everything. His friends created a beautiful book full of their photos. Miss my boy so much
We all thinking the same way by sounds of it about god or whatever…. We need the strength from somewhere though to carry on. I can’t find happiness in anything I do, like some of you said, all we can do is keep at it. I find it’s better than doing nothing which I would love to do, but if we just did nothing but cry in bed all day, I know my son would definitely be angry with me, he would want me to enjoy life. I’m sure your children would say the same. I read something that said to take him with me, I’m beginning to understand how to do that. Hopefully I will get happiness too one day. I read all sorts on instagram that helps get me through each day…
Also how do we now this is life, we could be chosen soon & might find out what it’s all about. Like one of you said we won’t know until it happens (not until it’s too late). I have thought the same about it being crowded where we go onto, but we don’t know do we. Need to keep an open mind. Anyway we have to worry about us here & know… love to you all 
Reena he’s such a handsome lad, how devastating. Glad the day went well as can be expected. I understand your feeling it’s so unbelievable, you poor love 