Does anyone else have difficulty understanding their partner’s reaction to the loss of their child? My husband was of course utterly devastated about our son, and he has cried some of the time, but he has also maintained a stiff upper lip as well. 7 weeks on and he seems surprised that I am still bursting into uncontrollable tears at the drop of a hat. I feel disappointed by his response. It’s such a short time that has elapsed and personally I can’t move on and won’t be able to move on for a very long time. Is he just behaving like a typical man? Perhaps he cries in private? I’m struggling to understand him.
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Actually I have just read an article on the Good Grief website about the differences between male and female grieving. It just about sums up our situation, so that is helpful.
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My twin sister implied that it wasn’t right the way I cried! How she knew this I don’t know as I didn’t see her for 3 months after the funeral. She then said the next time I saw her all she did was sit and cry at times. I cry all the time they’re tears of love for my beautiful son, who ill desperately want to see for the rest of my life x
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My counsellor said that a mums grief is the worse grief of all because the cells of our children from when they were in the womb are still in our bodies.
Makes sense
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Yes, I get that. But my husband also cared deeply for our son and yet seems unable to show it. I suppose I must just accept that he has a different way of grieving.
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I will continue to cry for as long as is appropriate, which will probably be for ever.
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I know it will be forever , well probably have moments in the future where we feel a little bit better but grief and tears and sheer heartache will always be waiting in the wings x
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And I don’t know about you, but they are not selfish tears where I am merely bewailing my own loss. They are tears for my boy, for his loss of a normal life span and all those experiences he should have had. They are tears of anger at how unfairly the cards were dealt.
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Yes that’s what I cry for , the life we should have had with our precious children. All the things they had yet to experience and all the joy they were yet to have. It just breaks my heart x
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It’s unbearable at times x
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Well I am crying for me today.
I’m also crying for Ben’s missed opportunities, and for his son, who is missing his dad and looks at the stars at bedtime to see him.
I’m crying for my other children, Ben’s brothers, who have said separately that Xmas was a distraction and now they’re struggling and questioning why.
Most of all I’m angry that I don’t know when exactly he died or how.
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Same here . I’m ok for abit in terms that he is at peace I know. But then how did it happen , what time did it happen?, was he in pain? All of it. Sometimes I laugh and then I break down. Other times I’m staring at the tv screen or at his photo and my dad’s.
I just want him back with us. He always said he wouldn’t get married nor have kids however he wanted to see the world and work hard. That’s all too painful. I feel your pain too xx how will these hours, days , months and years go by without them … too sad.
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I know what you’re going through, I lost my son unexpectedly in November & I’ve not been able to see my 2 grandsons because of his ex wife!!
You’d think losing a son was enough but no the 
keeps coming!
I have no choice but to get up in the morning as my husband had a stroke 3 years ago & I have to help him & my 30 year old daughter is autistic & I am her full time carer & my son used to help my 82 year old mum but now that’s also down to me!
This life sucks more & more each day!!
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I don’t know how you cope with all those reponsibilities on top of the grief. You must be a very strong and brave lady.
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You are so strong… I don’t know if I could do all that on top of what we are going through. Today is so hard… I’m just not into anything just sitting on the sofa with my blanket and watching tv. Not taking it in. I just don’t want to go out anywhere.
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Yesterday was the worse day I’ve had so far since Lauren died.
I couldn’t get out of bed, just lag there crying.
My son came round and I wept buckets on his shoulder, he told me that I’ve got to start living as it’s tearing him and my husband apart.
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It’s easier said than done. You invest so many years and so much love into your children. When they’re gone, there doesn’t seem much point to anything anymore. I am trying to focus on my remaining child and her needs. It’s the only thing that gives me any hope or interest in the future.
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Far easier said than done.
Family, friends, everyone needs to accept that we all grieve differently and in our own time.
There are no rules.
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My husband decided he wanted to drive over to our son’s home this morning to do some more clearance. I had woken up very jittery and tearful, but felt I should probably give him some support, so I took a sedative and we drove over to the flat. I was dreading it but in the end it was doable, at least for a couple of hours. I cleared Simon’s wardrobe of clothes and did some vacuuming. We brought loads of his belongings back in the car and will have the sad task of sorting through them this week. It is upsetting having to dismantle Simon’s home especially as he wasn’t living there for that long. It feels like an invasion of his privacy too. It breaks my heart really. I have spent the afternoon back home just sitting here in the lounge and doing very little of use. Just thinking and thinking, trying to make sense of what cannot be rationalised and feeling very morose. I know I keep saying it but I so want my boy back. He was on the same wave length as me, and the future looks very bleak and lonely without him.
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Well done for getting through the first bit of looking at Simon’s belongings. It is a very hard thing to have to do.
I would say take your time with the things you’ve bought back.
I first looked in Ben’s house 2 days after, (my choice ), and I went alone which I wanted to do.
With hindsight I know I was angry and I just bagged up lots of clothes whilst crying and talking to Ben.
This past week I’ve been very emotional looking at anything of his and have had to stop and leave.
It did feel wrong looking in all his drawers and emptying everything. Too personal and private.
It will never feel right or be easy. Sending you a hug.
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