I donāt know how much longer I can carry on like this. I miss my daughter so much. Itās 8 weeks and I feel like the grief is getting worse. I cry more each day. This isnāt living, this is existing. I feel like Iām sat waiting to die to be with my beautiful Lauren. I have a beautiful son and wonderful husband. People tell me to go back to the gym and start volunteering. I canāt.
Iāve been trying to set myself a daily task - simple stuff, change the bedding, go for a walk, sort out my clothes etc.
It occupies me for a bit and I know Iāve achieved something.
Thereās nothing I can say to make you feel better, of course youāre always going to want your beautiful daughter back.
People have to accept that you will do things in your own time.
Sending a big hug x
Work became important as it filled up all my time. Still cry when Iām driving sometimes not that I mind too much as it seems a normal thing now. Hope youāre ok.
Oh, the crying when Iām driving ā¦
I took early retirement last August, I was a teacher and wanted to spend more time with my family. Lauren worked 4 days condensed hours and was off on Fridays, that was going to be our time for shopping, spaās, lunches and so on.
I used to go to the gym 4 days a week but the last time I spoke to her I was In the gym and havenāt been back.
I used to love reading but can not concentrate.
I have got to empty her house but can spend 3 hours there and empty one drawer because I just cry. Then i have a day away from the house because im exhausted by the tears.
I donāt sleep beyond 3 or 4 hours at night but then doze on and off the rest of the night.
Is this my life from now on?
I donāt want to be miserable but can not see how I can not be without my beautiful Lauren
I was a teaching assistant and also āescapedā early 2yrs ago. Iām 58 now.
Iām like you with the canāt concentrate but too, and dreadful sleep patterns.
From everything Iāve read recently the bouts of crying is something that can hit years down the line. At the moment itās all fresh and raw, I canāt do any of Benās things without sobbing.
However doing his paperwork is different, I am organised and forceful when Iām in the phone, possibly because I feel Iām fighting for him 
It is nearly 11 weeks for me.
I can relate to everything that you are saying. Every morning I stay in bed dozing for as long as possible, because I know as soon as I wake properly, the sobbing will start. I can manage to do some household chores in the morning. Sometimes I drive to the local shops, but cry in the car. In the afternoon and evening I just sit under a fleece and my mind just goes round in circles. My daughter has told me I must keep very busy but itās so hard to be motivated. You are so right, Bam, it is just an existence, not a life.
Lying in bed still. I read all your thoughts and Iām feeling so sad inside. Iāve not been out at all only to see my son and the funeral. Tried working but only managed an hour. I have started to sort out Akhil finances but can only manage one call per day. He had accounts everywhere to save for a deposit to buy a place. What good is all that money now!
I donāt sleep but last night managed longer than 2 hours.
When I eat I cry as he was a foodie loved everything.
My tears come and goā¦ but inside Iām screaming for my boy to return. My world is shattered. Iām trying to be there for my older boy but he does his own thing to be busy and I donāt blame him.
I canāt see life ahead without my Akhil. I just want him back x
I wish there were answers. I wish there was a way to rewind time. I feel our children have had their normal life span denied to them, while we parents have to live out long and tormented lives that we didnāt ask for. It is all so blāy unfair.
I have also used work as my distraction. And I couldnāt do anything other than work, I was exhausted! I couldnāt make arrangements to go to the cinema for example, no energy to even consider the gym, my allotment used to be my happy place but I couldnāt focus on what to do there, so although I went, I came home soon after.
It wasnāt like me at all, I used to be active, itās a horrible place to find yourself in. Iām only now just starting to slowly do & arrange some things. Far from the person I used to be. My son died May 2023!
Donāt rush yourselves & donāt let anyone else rush you either. You sound like I was, in trying to force it, just try but donāt worry if you donāt carry it out. Believe me you will all get there in your own time. Be kind to yourself, sit with this, we canāt get our babies back sadly 
āāHow long will this pain last? Will it ever end?ā
The answer to that question is complicated because grief is a very individual experience. Like snowflakes, no two grief journeys will ever be the same. Thereās no right or wrong way to grieve, and thereās no standard timeline.ā
Bereaved mum Maria writes about āhealing milestonesā that follow after the death of a child. As she expresses, there is no right or linear way to heal, but her understanding of her healing journey 15 years after her daughter died is compassionate and insightful. Read the article here: The Compassionate Friends | Guest blogs | Healing Milestones After The Death Of A Child
Is anyone else having a bad evening? I always seem to cry more at this time of day.
I read this today.
It is totally acceptable to cry yourself to sleep. It is 100% ok to sob in the shower. It is normal to hide in your bedroom and common place to wail on the living room floor. This is what grief looks like. It is not pretty. It is not a delicate tear rolling down oneās cheek like the movies portray. It is heart wrenching sobs, which scream from the soul. It is gasping for air when your chest feels ready to cave in from the weight of the pain that sits on your rib cage. It is begging to God to join the one you long to be with ā¦ This is grief, this is mourning and this is the face of loss.
I can really relate to this and I think many of you can too.
Remember youāre not alone and what we are feeling is ānormalā and we have every right to feel this way.
Yes, I totally relate to that quote.
I feel the same , that horrible desperate feeling and wanting them back. Be good to yourself in time you will have moments when it seems more bearable itās just early days. Sending you love x
Yes Iām just existing too until I can be reunited with by boy x
Sadly we are all saying the same thing, which is a comfort in its own way. I donāt feel so alone.
I wish you all the peace that I wish I had. Xxx
Today my son would have been 49,We will light a candle for him. He was born at 6.30 am it was a Friday.I t started snowing that morning,and I could see the snow flakes coming down. When he was born they put him into my husbands arms,then he stop breathing . They then grabbed him and put him into an incubator,he was an breach,slightly premature and a fighter all of his life. But he could not fight this terrible cancer .