I e been told that mortuary staff look after them with the upmost respect and dignity so don’t you worry about that lovely xx
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Oh Bam how lovely … maybe it didn’t hurt as you are so just as it is and it’s something you really wanted and to show that you really are strong for that moment of having the tattoo or more so that Lauren was right next to you holding your hand xx
Funnily I’ve been going on about a tattoo for years and Akhil had tattoos on his arms … so I’m booking one in too of my dad and Akhil finger prints together . I’m scared of pain but hoping it will be ok xx
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I don’t know why but I’ve never like Sundays they always make me feel down. However due to the loss of my son they are unbearable now. Hope everyone is doing ok today x
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No, I’ve never been keen on Sundays either. It’s miserable, wet weather here which doesn’t help. I woke feeling panicky and have been crying all day. Going to phone a cousin now and see if chatting helps. Even it helps, it will be a temporary reprieve. So want my son back. So sad for all of us parents robbed of our beloved children.
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Never liked Sundays either.
Feeling very down today, lying on my bed wrapped in my oversized furry oodie, it’s raining and grey which doesn’t help.
Just wishing I could turn time back …
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Ali76 hugs to you. Today is a rubbish day. Trying to keep busy. Done some gardening, lots of tears when doing it because Lauren hated gardening and had great plans for hers that she would have had me doing. Yesterday was mixed, one of Laurens friends and her daughter came round to Lauren’s yesterday to take clothes and shoes that the daughter would like and use. It felt good because they went away with 4 huge bags of clothes and shoes that the 12 year old will use and was thrilled with. Lauren would have been very happy to see her belongings being used by people she loved. When I’m at Lauren’s i am okay but afterward I hit a real low and sob. I feel as though i am rubbing bits of her out like in a pencil drawing.
I still can not believe she is dead and think it’s a bad dream that I will wake from. I can’t believe I will never see her again or she won’t get to do things like holidays, her daughters 18th in a few month or become a grandma.
Life isn’t fair
I miss my daughter, my best friend.
Will this pain and yearning ever stop?
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Bam, I don’t think the pain or yearning will ever end. I think we are in it for the long haul unfortunately. It’s good that your daughter’s clothes will give so much pleasure to someone else. Some of my son’s clothes will be going to a homeless charity. But that is a tiny drop of positivity in a sea of misery. Like you, I still think this is all a terrible nightmare. Perhaps someone will wave a magic wand and make everything back to how it was - how it SHOULD be.
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I feel like I hate life now
I desperately want and need to see my beautiful son . To say I miss him isn’t enough x
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I completely understand. That desperate need for your child’s presence and that aching emptiness when you realise for the 1000th time that they are just not coming back. I have just been torturing myself by scrolling through photos of my son on my phone. Happy times from the past couple of years. Have been in floods of tears. I want to look at the photos, but I also don’t, because it’s so painful. All I can do is send you hugs. It’s especially lonely and sad at this time of night, isn’t it?
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Thank you and yes about the lonely and sad, the dark nights make everything worse. Thank you x
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Whydidhedie.
I like you scroll through photos of Lauren. The week after she died we set up a WhatsApp group called ‘photos of Lauren’ and asked her friend to pop pictures in it. It is still happening as they find actual pictures or memories on their phones so I constantly look again at pictures of CNN Lauren. They make me cry because she is smiling and happy always. And should be here now smiling and happy.
Ali76 I hate life and feel I’m just waiting to die to be with Lauren.
Hugs to you both and all grieving mums xxx
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I’ve no idea why it autocorrected to add in CNN
I took the plunge and purchased a video of my son’s funeral, from the company who provided the livestream on the day. Just watched the first few seconds (pressed wrong button) and was in floods of tears again. I’m not sure whether we’ll be able to face watching it ever really, but I’m glad we have it.
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I have the video of the photos and music I chose for people to watch before we arrived but I haven’t watched it.
I don’t know if I ever will, but I had to have it. We didn’t have the service filmed.
I did take photos of the hearse with Ben inside, and the beautiful flowers.
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I just feel the need to have the images somewhere safe and near us, even if we probably won’t look at them.
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I’ve talked to my doctor today as I wanted antidepressants. I had a reaction to sertraline so had to stop it after a few weeks. He said he’s reluctant to prescribe anything else as the way I feel is caused by overwhelming grief. He’s sorting counseling for me and seeing how it goes. I just want something to numb the pain of loss x
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Ali76, I would be interested to know what happens. This morning I sent in a triage form to my surgery asking for something to calm me down. I am waiting for them to reply. Perhaps doctors are not so keen on prescribing these types of pills now. The trouble is I think they can be addictive.
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It’s awful as if he hasn’t experienced the loss of a child how can he know how I feel? He might try and understand what it’s like but unless you’ve been there you haven’t got a clue what the sheer horror of the longing and heartache is like. If I don’t start feeling any better I’ll ask again. I felt terrible as soon as I opened my eyes today. The grief is crippling at times. X
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Feeling exactly the same!! 
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I feel your pain. Xxxx
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