Bam… no it’s not that clear due to his fingers all stiff. However I did find a Mother’s Day card where my both sons put their finger prints on the front of the card … so I will be using that. And I will have my dad one too which was clear.
Hope you are doing well and all ladies ? I’m currently in hospital but getting discharged soon. Doctor prescribed mild sleeping tablets so hoping that will help me. Need to organise my son belongings from Thailand. Saw the images of his belongings made me cry so much. I’m so devastated
My son belongings I need to sort out. Saw the images of what he had with him and I broke down. So devastated. I was hopping my heart pains were nearing me toward him but not unfortunately
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So sorry to hear you are in hospital. Do let us know how you are getting on. xxx
I have my daughter coming over tomorrow, so will try to be brave for her, but it’s very hard. I sometimes feel I am almost delerious and what’s happened is all make believe, then there’s a terrible jolt when I realise my boy’s gone.
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ReenaH
Please keep us all informed as to how you are doing, you are part of our community.
I see every day as just another day without my beautiful Lauren. Before Lauren died I was so scared of dying now I’m no longer scared as I will be with my daughter and best friend. I realise my fear of dying was because I didn’t want to leave Lauren.
I love my son as much as I love Lauren, I know he would mourn me but he would cope.
A very religious friend has repeatedly told me that Lauren would not have coped if I had died before her.
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I had a good few hours today as I went to my sister’s. Then the black cloud descended on the way home , I cried a lot of the way and just kept saying ‘rupert’ quietly to myself the whole walk home. Nothing is right without him I feel like I hate the world right now. X
Oh, you poor thing. It is so difficult when people are being kind and thoughtful. It almost seems to act as a trigger for the grief. My neighbour came round today to see how we were. She was very kind, but when she had gone, I retired to bed and wept. I also repeat my son’s name almost like a mantra. That’s when I am not screaming his name internally.
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I can’t imagine ever feeling happiness again x
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I wake up to another day without my beautiful Lauren.
So sad
I feel the same x
Morning lovely ladies… I’m back home and thank you for your king messages.
I had chest pains for the last 2 weeks but got the all clear. I need to go back for a scan. I guess they couldn’t see my broken heart.
I cried when I got home last night being away from home made me anxious.
I’m just so tired and in constant pain of wanting my Akhil back.
I don’t want memories I want him here living . Do you feel like that?
I need to go through his clothes but can’t. If I do give away some of his clothes I feel like I’m clearing out his personal stuff. Can’t do it.
Another weekend that I hate. On top all this I came to the end of my work contract. So decided to take a couple of months out to rethink my lifestyle. Whether I want to stay in this house. My older boy will most probably move out next year or end of this year with his future fiancée.
So many thoughts going on in my head.
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It’s good that you are back home. I completely understand everything you say. We all want our children back and hope for a miracle, irrational as that may be. Sending you hugs.
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He would be up by now coming back from the gym. Waking me up saying anything for the washing before he puts the load on. Then saying I’m starving mother. No voice no cooking for him no morning hugs nothing but silence. Can’t bear that. I have to keep saying in my head that he is in a better place…sending you hugs too
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I’m rethinking what to do about work too. I haven’t been back since my son died. I’m a teaching assistant in a primary school. I’ve worked there 16 years but since losing my son I feel like I need change. I’ve got an interview at a riding school that does alternative provision for children that aren’t engaging in mainstream school… I’m not sure what I want so will make my mind up once I’ve seen what the new place is like. X
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Sure does… xx
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Glad you’re feeling better Reena, ( physically at least ), it’s really hard to think of the future isn’t it ?
I left my job 2 years ago, I was teaching assistant in primary school for 20 years. It was the right decision at the time, but now I find endless days stretching ahead, perhaps work would keep my thinking at bay but then again maybe I’d be no good working as I’d be too distracted. I just don’t know.
Everything and anything is too much at the moment …
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Oh bless you xx … I’m thinking of creative work with some volunteering work perhaps. I can’t manage people anymore. Xx
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I retired end of August from teaching to spend Fridays with Lauren as she did condensed hours so she could be off on a Friday. I went gym 4 days, had drumming lessons, went hill walking. Knitting, reading, gardening.
I now sit staring into space, wailing and crying sometimes. Talking to Lauren in an empty room.
No energy. No enthusiasm. Dozing in 10 min stretches.
ReenaH, I’m glad you are home, I also have had chest pains but told no one and not sought medical help because i hope it is serious and I die. Then I will be with Lauren. I can not make the decision to leave hubby and son but if I have a cardiac arrest it’s not my decision.
I too have had to start parting with Lauren’s things. She was a bit of a shopper and a hoarder (70 pairs of footwear). I asked her friends to come and take what they or their daughters would wear. Lauren would approve, but it still feels like I’m rubbing a bit of her away as if she was a pencil drawing.
Hugs to you all xxx
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I feel totally the same. Feel so sad about what my daughter has lost, sad for what she went through, for the life she had taken from her. This sadness is crippling at times.
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