Bam, I don’t know what more to say that hasn’t already been said, but I am thinking about you and hoping that somehow you can resolve this horrible situation. X
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I think the most important thing here is Emme, as you say hopefully in time she’ll realise and see for herself how her dad can be.
As she grows up she will see how much you love her and how important you are as a link to her mum.
Stay strong x
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Exactly it’s all about the grandkids and keeping them safe and loved by all that are positive around them. Negative people should be kept away. Sending you all hugs xx
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What an absolute, unfeeling monster of a man. Why would he even consider treating you and the children so badly. It’s utterly heartbreaking, you’ve lost your daughter and the girls have lost their precious mam, what he’s doing is unforgivable. Reading this has upset me. Aren’t things bad enough without this? honestly I don’t understand his actions at all. Sending you love x
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Thank you all did your kindness. All this upset with this narcissist is exhausting me and it feels like I’m not being allowed to greave for Lauren because I’m so angry with him even though I try not to let him in my head.
Do you find yourself saying the same thing over and over? ‘How can this be happening? Why is this happening? It’s not fair I miss her so much’ .
People must be sick of me.
I went to TKMaxx today to get a new bird feeder and cried all the way round the store because as I walked past things I was thinking ‘Lauren would love that’ and knowing I would have bought some of the things for her as gifts to put away for Easter or her birthday.
I then got an uber home and sat and cried in the uber all the way home.
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Grief is relentless at times. Yesterday was horrific for me, I felt like I didn’t want to live. People say it gets easier in time and I rarely get a few hours of peace from it and it’s just over 5 months. I just can’t come to terms with the fact he’s never coming home again. I sometimes feel like I’m in a movie and it’s not true. What’s happened to us all is the worse thing that can happen to a mother how I wish it was different for all of us x
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Sending you hugs. I am not finding the grief getting any easier. I kid myself this is all part of a terrible dream and I imagine different scenarios where there is a happy ending. What if I had visited my son more, taken more meals round, had him to live with us at home so I could look after him, dragged him to the doctor or the private hospital? Would he still be here now? Despite having a daughter who I love dearly and would do anything for, I still can’t help feeling that there is not much point in being here anymore. Each day and night are just something to be got through. Just a bleak existence, not a life.
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My daughter is the only reason I’m here but I too think about ending my own suffering now x
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The trouble is we are then passing the grief on to somebody else - our daughters - to bear.
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Ali76 and whydidhedie
Hugs to you both. I understand your pain, I too don’t want to be here. The only thing that tethers me to this earth is my son and hubby. The other day I told hubby that if I could die naturally now that would be okay because i would be with Lauren. He confessed that every day he is scared to what he might find when he comes home and I have had to promise him I will not do anything stupid.
I feel like my grief is as raw now as the day my Lauren died 10 weeks ago today.
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I think we are living in our own personal nightmares that we can’t wake up from. No mother should have to endure this unbearable pain off loss. I’d do absolutely anything, give my own life for Rupert to still be here, happy, confident and enjoying life. It’s just a living hell knowing this is never going to happen. He’d hate me being so depressed and upset but I just can’t help what I feel . Like I’ve said before it’s not the usual order of things, we are supposed to go before our lovely children . We’ve had the rug ripped from under our feet and don’t know how cope with the devastating reality of it all. X
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Hi All, I am taking Sertraline, not sure if it is helping but the only way to find out is to stop and see how things go. Bit too early for that I think. I also take sleeping tablets - I think each to their own - I keep plodding along with ups and downs. Been three months since my son died. Need to get a bit more structure into our lives. Sleeping in really late (after having sat up late). Love to all, horrible place to find yourself. Xxxx
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I was prescribed sertraline and ended up the seratonin syndrome so I can’t have sri inhibitors ever again. Last week I asked my doctor for something else and he said he was reluctant to as it was grief making me feel so bad. The thing is I was on antidepressants a few years ago for depression and he didn’t seem to realise what’s happened has started it off again. X
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Is anyone else scared that they might not remember events etc without looking at pictures of their child?
I hadn’t thought of this, I suppose our brains can’t hold every single thing but pictures and talking about events with others that were there must help.
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Went to drs on Monday as keep waking with a dull headache.
He tried to prescribe sleeping tablets but I don’t have a problem going to sleep as such, I go to bed late and lie there thinking for a bit but then I fall asleep. I’ve never been a great sleeper so 
.
My blood pressure was high so I’ve got to monitor it for a week and send in daily. He talked about bereavement counselling. To be honest I think everything is linked to grief and that’s what I told him.
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I keep a diary where I write down memories and my thoughts and feelings. I stick photos in too x
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Hi - I have also had two sessions of grief counselling - lovely lady just feels like a chat mainly about me. These come under the NHS talking therapies. As you can tell I don’t turn anything down (medication, couselling…). Have made regular dates with friends, coffee into London etc trying to keep occupied. Have even joined a local council gym - great equipment! (Been twice in a month 
). Feel like I owe it to my son to live a good life. He won’t get beyond 28. Guess we all have our own way of trying to get by and do what we can cope with. X
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I am waiting to hear from Talking Therapies. Unfortunately the lady from another counselling service who was supposed to ring yesterday didn’t call, so that was disappointing, as I could really do with some help right now. I am very impressed that you are getting out and about. I know what an effort it takes.
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I was prescribed Citalopram, just a mild dose. It may be calming me a little but difficult to tell at this early stage.
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