Yes agree that they should be here with us . My son was due to finish his travels and start a new job in Feb. I want to scream and shout out why him!! It’s not fair. I have to believe in god and so do you as that is the only thing that is going to get us through this as I keep telling myself. My other son is here with me but my younger one will always be in spirit. That’s hard right especially when we have others to look after , and I can’t handle myself. Funeral is delayed due to postmortem that’s hard enough. I can’t smell him on his clothes. Don’t want to touch anything that he left as it was.
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Sorry to hear about your son, my eldest son died 8 wks ago, he had a post mortem too which was inconclusive so now waiting on more tests. I got through the funeral better than I thought I would. Unfortunately we had to empty his house in 4 weeks as it was a housing association. Everything is in boxes and I can’t bring myself to sort them yet.
I am angry sometimes, with everything really. I don’t have strong beliefs but I try to think I will see Ben again one day. It’s just really hard.
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It is very difficult sorting through your loved one’s possessions. Simon had only moved out of the family home to his flat two and a half years ago, and he was a very neat person, so there isn’t a huge amount. I think it’s the clothes that are the most upsetting and I’m not going to rush into getting rid of them. He had a couple of guitars which were his pride and joy, and I’m not sure what to do with them either. I would say don’t rush, take your time and wait until you are feeling stronger before tackling those boxes.
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I’m sorry to hear about your son. The pain is heartbreaking. Postmortem has delayed my son funeral. I just can’t believe this is happening to me. I’ve not hurt anyone so why me??. I’m sleeping in his bed and can not move his clothes or anything. One minute I’m ok talking myself through that he is in a safe place next minute I want him back. I feel for you xx
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I think we just go one day at a time and do what we feel is right for us. There is no right or wrong way of dealing with our pain and loss x
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Love and hugs and peace to you all.
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How is everyone feeling today? Do you manage to keep busy with routine chores or mindless tasks? I’m afraid I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, apart from the basics like washing up and doing laundry. I used to have hobbies like sewing and music, but can’t imagine ever wanting to do them again. Everything seems pointless. I find myself just sitting with a fleece over me, just staring into space. My husband copes with the grief by keeping busy in his garage and can’t understand why I am like this.
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I feel the same… sorry what’s your name? And which area do you live ?I woke up crying . Heart hurts. Talked to my son hoping he can hear me. I have no energy to do anything. Everywhere is silent even the birds.
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My name is Elizabeth and I live just north of London. Life seems so bleak. My son’s funeral is on Friday and I am so worried about we will get through it. I am sitting here just thinking and thinking about my darling son. I miss him so much. I know I must be brave for the rest of the family but it is so hard.
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Actually you don’t have to be brave - why should you be ? I have started writing, a bit like a diary, and not every day but usually when my head is overwhelmed with thoughts. I don’t know how much it’s helping but I do feel calmer afterwards so I suppose it’s doing something. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings out loud so this is a good release.
I am like you not being able to concentrate much, I got a jigsaw for Xmas ( not done one since I was a child, unless you count children’s ones ). It gives me something to do.
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I talk out loud to Ben, I now want to get his ashes sorted out so I will have a place to visit and talk.
Take each day as it comes. On my better days I appear ok but feel guilty about everything. It’s just over 8 weeks since we lost Ben.
I needed to have the funeral because it was the waiting I didn’t like but as Sam, my 32 yr old son said, ‘what now ? ‘
In such a short space your world turns upside down, decisions have to be made, your precious child is completely gone apart from ‘things’ left and memories. I have very supportive friends but I don’t feel I can open up to them. Talking on here is good, as we are all experiencing the same horrible nightmares.
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Dearest Elizabeth I have no words other than you need to pray for him and that he is right by you. Friday is going to be so hard for you I feel for you. My son funeral is pencilled in for the 21st and the anxiety is killing me. There is no point me saying be strong as that is the last thing I would want someone to say to me as I can’t be strong. We need to celebrate their lives. The wonderful years they gave us. Xx
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It’s very hard to open up as I keep saying the same thing. I have started to talk to Akhil my son which helps me sometimes. It’s all so raw still. I just should have not let him go on his travels. The guilt gets me all the time. What’s your name and where are you based ?
Ashes is a difficult thing when we did my daddy’s. I pray for you too xx
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Thank you, Reena. It is an ordeal to go through the funeral but we have to be brave for our children’s sake. Yes, we must celebrate the short time we had with our children, but it is hard when all around you see other people’s children having long lives, getting married etc. The unfairness of it, how my son was cheated out of a normal life span - I am struggling with that, as no doubt you are too.
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Yes me too. My older son is around with his girlfriend soon to be fiancée and I can’t handle it. I can’t bare to think of celebrating anything or going out. I just want my boy back. That’s all that goes around my head
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My name Is Frances, I am in Cambridge shire. I read somewhere that guilt is the price you pay for love - maybe that’s true.
I hope I will feel more settled when we have buried the ashes. I have an appt on 14th to start making the arrangements.
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All I can say is don’t do anything until you are ready.
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Frances so sorry about this . It’s so hard. Shame none of us are near each other to meet . Perhaps something we can organise in the next months. I pray for you xx
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I’m in a real state this evening. Can’t stop crying. The finality of it, the unfairness of his death, the fact I’ll never see or hold my darling son again, it’s destroying me. I watched some videos of him earlier. I felt I wanted to see him at his best, laughing and joking, but perhaps it was a mistake to watch them. Would appreciate some words of comfort or wisdom if anyone is out there.
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I’ve lost my son too, he died in August. No parent should lose their children. I know exactly how you feel. In time it will get easier for us, we will have glimpses of life beyond this. Our son’s wouldn’t want us to be so sad but it’s inevitable. Just take one day at a time, that’s what I’m trying to do . Sending love x
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