I think the loss of one person in the family really upsets the family dynamics, as everyone adjusts to the new normal. Just one more problem to add to everything else going on. Our family unit of 4 was a well balanced blend of personalities, but now it’s just the 3 of us and there is a huge Simon sized gap.
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I have said this before, but despite the post mortem and the cremation, I still hope for a miracle and that my son will somehow return. It’s madness, I know, but I can’t help clinging on to this thought.
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Im the same after all these weeks I keep thinking it’s not true and I’ll hear his key in the door and him coming in x
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I am so sorry we are all feeling so down this evening. I constantly look up towards the hall door thinking and will be there. I have just sobbed my way through evening meal with hubbie . Like you I can not believe it’s true. I keep thinking it’s a mistake and that she will walk through the door. Or it’s an awful nightmare i will wake from.
I’m due a counselling session in the morning.
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Bam, will this be your first counselling session?
I’m crying my eyes out this evening. Just can’t stop. My husband is away and I suppose when he is around, I try not to cry as much. But this evening it’s a never ending flow of tears. I really, really want my boy back. I love him so much.
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Oh ladies I wish I could give you all a huge hug but I guess virtual for now xx
I’ve felt the same this evening awful day. I really do hate Sundays but I guess every day is the same for us now.
I finally went out for a walk with my older son and his GF this morning. Walked by the river and went for a coffee. Felt bad for going out. But it felt good to be out int he fresh air. Then we popped to a local pub to have lunch. It was nice spending time with them but my heart was at home. Thinking my Akhil will be waiting for me to get home.
I just want to hear his voice. I can’t believe he is not here anymore. It’s so sad.
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Whydidhedie
No it’s not my first counselling session it’s probably about my 6th or 7th. They do help me understand that what I’m going through is normal. I didn’t have a session last Monday though because we thought we would see if I could manage fortnightly sessions instead of weekly, I have been more tearful than normal so think I will go back to weekly.
I know your hubby has gone off to Cornwall could you not go down there with him or just for a few days? Then again if you are like me I feel closer to Lauren when I’m at home. I wept buckets last night and hubbie asked me if we will ever have a normal life ever again. I feel so bad for him having to put up with me.
ReenaH I’m glad you managed to get out but like you I can’t wait to get home to feel closer to Lauren.
Hugs to you all x
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Sending you a hug…I had almost 10 months of counselling and cried a million rivers…
It helps to have the right counsellor too, soneone you gel with.
I realised you can’t rush grief or counselling and we are all different.
I like to spend time on my own with my dogs who are the best therapists over anyone. Walking with them is such good therapy.
My husband and I have separated after 40 years, we were rocky anyway and I knew this would make or break us and tbh i feel better alone.
As they say we are all different and have different needs.
Take care
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Bam, like you, I want to stay close to home - Simon’s home. But I couldn’t have gone to Cornwall anyway, because we have an elderly cat who needs attention at the moment. I have my second session of counselling tomorrow, but I am not expecting it to help much. I managed to drive to the local shops for supplies just now and I have also organised to see some people this week, but really all I want to do is huddle up in a fleece.
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Ruby3, I think dogs are good therapy as they make you go out for a walk. We have cats - one is looking very old now, and probably on his way out - but they are good company. Sorry to hear about you and your husband. I have read it can happen a lot.
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Whydidhedie
We also have an elderly cat. She was 18 in October, tablets for high blood pressure and medicine for overactive thyroid. Lauren was pregnant with Isabelle her first child when we got Elkie (cat) and the past 18 month when Elkie got ill and ended up in icu at the vets and costing the insurance company a fortune. Lauren repeatedly said ‘that bloody cat will outlive me with all this fuss and care’ .
I have had my counselling session and booked in for next week. It does help me. But you do need to gel with your counsellor. I hope it helps you.
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Nemo our cat suddenly fell off the settee last November. My son saw it happen and we were all concerned the cat might have a stroke. We didn’t take him to the vet because he gets very stressed and then it’s impossible to get him in the cat carrier. At the time we were all more concerned about Nemo’s health than my son’s. However the cat is still with us, although clearly unwell, and my son has gone.
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I had to have my 20 yr old cat Kiz put to sleep 2 weeks after we lost Ben.
It’s been a shit year really, weirdly Ben was found a year to the day that my dog Scamp was put to sleep and in August last year we lost our other dog too.
Mind you, losing your child does not compare to your pets, however much you love them and have them.
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Fjl
I’m sorry you list your 19 year old cat.
You are correct losing a pet doesn’t compare to losing your child.
However I do think pets often shape the children we have and the people we are.
Lauren and my son both grew up having cats and dogs in the house. My eldest granddaughter has also been around pets a lot as well.
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Yes, we’ve always had dogs, the children all had hamsters when they were little and rabbits and various Guinea pigs. But Kiz, the cat was mine. I don’t feel I’ve grieved her properly as losing Ben has over shadowed everything.
Ben had a dog, Loki who died in 2021. His ashes are going with Ben. Then after a bit he got a new dog that one of his friends has rehomed.
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I have 2 terrier crosses and I’m so glad. they are great company and I walk for miles with them . We do over 20,000 steps a day.
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They are such good company as I see very few people, I see my eldest sister weekly and one of my brothers stays in touch and my twin sister comes now and then. Makes for long days so I walk to relieve the monotony x
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Yes and you will always see another walker and choose to chat or not
This is Rupert, our only dog now, he’s a pug yorkie poodle !
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My son’s name was Rupert x
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