Same with me. When I see friends, there is always some point in the conversation where they will mention their children / grandchildren and how they are getting on. And I can feel that silent scream rising in my chest.
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Sometimes just watching people driving walking or shopping im screaming in my head why are you all here, why isnt my precious boy still here. I should have gone first not him, he knew everything about me, he looked out for me, he is my best friend. My life now isnt worth it without him. I miss him so very much and having so many unanswered questions too x
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I feel exactly the same and as soon as it starts getting dark the grief is amplified. I feel so depressed right now. Iāve walked for miles today but will be going out again soon to take my mind off my boy not being here x
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Itās awful isnāt it, I sometimes wish people would think before they speak. They are so lucky in that they know nothing of the sheer hell we are going through and how the smallest of things can be devastating x
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I cant believe the feelings i have right now will ever change. My son and i did so much together i feel so empty x
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It doesnāt matter where I go or what I am doing, every single thing leads back to my son in some way. I went for a walk to a local park today and remembered how the whole family, including Simon, went there a few years back. I am involved in a sewing project - I sit in his old bedroom which is now my sewing room. Our dining room is full of bags of his belongings from the flat. There are photos of him and his sister round the house. If I eat something, I might recall that Simon liked this particular food. My husband found a jacket in the understairs cupboard and we realised it belonged to Simon. He is everywhere - and yet he is nowhere.
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Absolutely with you on that last statement 
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Mum 89 I feel exactly the same. My precious boy was my best friend and we were on the same network and understood each other like no one else does. He was my life, my reason for living and without him I am nothing and donāt want to be
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I understand you completely. We loved music, i havent listened to any since he fell asleep i just cant. I look at photos but cant hear his voice just yet. I seem to just go through the motions of living if thats what you call it now x
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Yes, I too feel Iām just going through the motions of living. I didnāt appreciate how happy my life was before. Now nothing will ever be the same again. All the joy has gone.
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My sentiments exactly x
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Iāve woken up really depressed with Roberta Flacks The first Time Ever I saw Your Face going round in my head. Iāve sat and sobbed. I hate that song and always have so why? I canāt remember the last time I heard it. I feel like Iāve got a brick in my chest and canāt stop crying. I desperately need to see Rupert x
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I didnt find sleep last night its 11 weeks today i last spoke to my son. Wednesdsys i clock watch until i get to the time i got the phone call. Seeing a new therapist today. I see no point to life now i want my boy back so badly. That song you mentioned is so poignant 36 years since i first saw my son and my lovr for him just grows. The pain of missing him grows even more
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Iām sitting in a cafe waiting for my sister and I keep.filling up and wanting to cry. I hate my life now x
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Well done for getting yourself to the cafe. That is an achievement. Sending hugs. Xx
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I hate mornings. Why do I wake up? Itās just another day with more pain and tears. I miss my Lauren so much.
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I feel exactly the same x
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I just plod through days now, they feel meaningless and empty without my precious son x
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Last year, on a sunny day like today, I would have been outside gardening and would have enjoyed every moment of it. Nowadays I drag myself out of bed, force down some breakfast and sit here thinking what is the point. The joy has gone from everything. My darling son has gone - and he took some of me with him when he left.
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I have made myself do some sewing today and it has helped to focus on something creative. My sewing room is my sonās old bedroom and it is consoling to sit here and look at the view of the garden he would have been so familiar with for most of his life. I wanted to ask whether anybody has signed up to the Sue Ryder Grief Coach? I find being on this forum very helpful, but personally I donāt find the Grief Coach messages at all useful.
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