I like to read about other mums feelings as they echo mine, the feeling of despair emptiness and longing to be with our babies once more.
Ive not signed up to grief coach.
I would like to speak to some of you on the phone as to hear a voice would be comforting x
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Hopefully you can join the next Wednesday online meeting. The Grief Coach is free if you want to try it. Iād be interested to know what you think of it.
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Will give it a go and let you know x
I had to go to post office to drop off parcel of Laurenās clothes for oxfam. Made myself go in cafe for cup of tea and then went for a walk round local woods. That was okay because I walked and screamed and cried and asked the universeās why my Lauren had to die. I pleaded with Lauren to send me a sign that she is okay, people kept away from me, no surprise really.
One of Laurenās friends a gp texted me yesterday to say she had a dream where Lauren was helping her sort out the nursery for her baby which is due 2 days after Laurenās birthday. Her best work mate texted this morning to say Lauren had appeared in her dream last night and she was telling Lauren how loved she is and how everyone misses her and Lauren just gave Rachel a big smile, another of her work besties sent me 2 pictures this morning that he had found when he was clearing files on his computer. They are beautiful pics of him and Lauren but he says he has never before seen them.
What is the grief coach?
I rang compassionate friends once but felt that i didnāt gel with the lady who answered the phone . It might have been too soon for me.
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Bam, how lovely that you are hearing about dreams and photos of your beloved Lauren. I so wish I could have some sort of sign from my darling Simon. Grief Coach is on this Sue Ryder forum. You receive a short meaningful text message from them twice a week. As I said, I didnāt find it very helpful but others may say the opposite.
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Iām feeling so low this evening. Iām on my own as ever. My husband is downstairs watching TV and oblivious to my tears. I know I have to carry on for my daughter, but itās so hard. People tell me to keep busy, which I have been doing today, but itās not enough because at some point you have to stop what youāre doing and then the grief sets in again. Never in my entire life have I missed someone with such an agony and an intense longing. My children were my pride and joy and I loved bringing them up and caring for them. Simon grew into such a lovely young man and I was so incredibly proud of him. I wanted him to be with me until the day I died. Not the other way around.
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I feel for you very much, i miss my son so very much i was supposed to go first. I am going to see a very good medium in 3 weeks, ive been once before and my son came through. She is expensive but very very good , i hope he will tell me how to live now in this world that has no meaning without him here. There isnt a day i dont cry, i look about 30 years older in my face with bags and red eyes. I want to turn the clock back, i wany my son back x
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I went to Durham with my sister today. It was such a beautiful, warm sunny day. We went to the cathedral and walked along the river and talked about Rupert a lot. He was so handsome, kind and caring just one in a million. I feel a bit better tonight as Iāve been out for hours and had been out with my dogs this morning sitting in the park by the lake in the sunshine.
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I do hope you find what you want with the medium. Personally I am rather sceptical of all of that. But I can see the attraction, because we are all so desperate to make contact with our children again. At my Simonās funeral, we had the song āOne more dayā, about being granted a wish to spend an extra day before our loved one leaves forever. I remember the last hug I gave Simon at our front door and I remember, instead of waving him off from there, I followed him out and waved to him as he drove down to the end of our road. The last sight I had of him was of his seated figure in the car as he turned the corner. That was about 10 days before he died. Oh, what I wouldnāt give to see him again.
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Iāve aged massively since I lost Rupert and lost a lot of weight. Iāve gone from a size 18 to a size 12. I never feel hungry and have a very small appetite since losing him, and as I canāt stand sitting in the house I walk for hours x
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Ali76, they say being out in the fresh air helps. I am glad you feel a bit better. X
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Thank you and I really dose help. Iām lucky as I live on the coast with the coastal path starting just a five minute walk away x
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I am the opposite and have been doing a lot of comfort eating. I sit up late watching tv and eating. Suffering from insomnia.
I joined up for the Sue Ryder Grief Coach and get occasional text messages - some are helpful and encouraging.
I have a fantastic counsellor through Talking Therapies and meet her every couple of weeks.
Trying to put a few dates in the diary, holidays, days and evenings out - things to look forward to - but trying not to overload in case it becomes overwhelming.
Agree things arenāt getting easier and the waves comparison is absolutely right - crash, moments peace, crashā¦ xxxxx
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I have a friend an ex work colleague who claims to be a psychic, she has offered to do a reading for me. Iām too scared to accept. I ding know if I believe or not.
Iām worried that it would also become a bit of a habit that I couldnāt leave alone. Mum89 please let us know how you get on with the medium. I also have aged massively in 14 weeks. Crepey skin around my eyes and deep furrows from nose to chin. Jowls have developed. I eat well and am always hungry. Grief takes a lot of energy apparently.
I always used to have the radio on listening to radio 6 or asking Alexa to play music for me. When Lauren died I couldnāt listen to music, so the radio was not on. This past week I have started listening to radio 5. Today I switched it on and it was playing chasing cars by snow patrol, Laurenās favourite song of ever. She had it as her ring tone.
Radio switched off
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I saw this particular medium 3 weeks after my son fell asleep. He came through saying things no one other than me would have known it felt conforting. He slwats made a big thing of mothers day thats why i am going fri 28th march. These waves come when you least expect them, especially if im driving he always was with me, shopping or picking his kids up from school, we listened to music whjch is why i cant put radio on just yet. If i go out i give him a hug and leave kerrang radio on the alexa for him. Hes in living room in special place i live alone i talk to him all the time. 11 weeks and 2 days now and miss him more every day. My counsellor suggested a journal to write to him which ive ordered. I text him every morning. His partner has his phone and she keeps it charged. She is wonderful with me. I go to his house and feel him everywhere. So broken hearted as we all are xx
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I live alone too. I talk to my son all the time and tell him how much I love him. Iām onto my fourth diary now in which I write to my son every day. I tell him my thoughts, about memories that come to me, how I feel, how I feel about him, what Iāve been up to, who Iāve seen and whatās happening in the world.
I always tell him about how I and everyone who knew him love and miss him so much. Iāve been for a walk with his best friend today and his little daughter and mam. It was so warm and sunny and we all talked about Rupert, everyone who knew him absolutely loved him and now all miss him dearly x
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I text Rupert too, and send him things I know heād laugh at on Whatsapp x
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Ive just had my sons 6 year old daughter at mine for the day, she so like him in every way, she is daddys princess. I hope he could see her here today playing. Ive just took her home now sat very tearful the disbelief setting in again xx
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I too am in a mood of disbelief this evening. Still thinking that Simon must be in his flat, still thinking that heāll be driving over here for to join us for a meal at the weekend, still thinking that heāll be involved in all the important family get togethers during the year. Just canāt get my head around whatās happened to my lovely boy. I am trying so hard to put on a brave face for other people, but inside I am tormented by grief. I am finding it so hard to live a meaningful life without him.
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I cant listen to music either, 18 months in, listen to LBC, itās my comfort blanket.
Couldnāt go into shops with music either and had to put headphones in.
Watch old tv shows which are safe, strange how we protect and move forwards as best we can.
Take care
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