Yes it took 7 days but seeing him online was the only option as no one could touch him. The funeral directors we had for my dad we used again. Didn’t think I ever would for my son. Before me as well. It was difficult I am totally broken. Hoping the postmortem won’t take long so I can go and put his socks on.
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So sad to hear this. As if losing your son wasn’t enough, but to have all this extra stress of getting him back to this country as well…
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It was so painful. And still is. And I think it’s going to get worst. How will we get through this living nightmare ??
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It was nearly a month before I got my son’s phone back x
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I completely understand this.
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So sorry for your loss. I know only too well that unbearable yearning to see them, to hold them, it’s all consuming. I lost my beautiful daughter in October, and I took doubt I will ever come to terms with it. How can I, when she was supposed to bury me? I understand your dread and fear for the funeral, but please know, you will get through it. I felt the same, didn’t know how I would get through it. My son in law and myself worked together to give her everything she wanted for the day, we chose the music, the photos, eulogies, and the natural woodland where she wanted to rest. I was supported by my partner, and my 15 year old grandson on the day (my son’s son) and we did her proud. The pain will never go, the yearning won’t either, but my daughter was a force of nature, strong and courageous, she knew how to live, and I am doing my best to keep going and hope to be the same. I don’t have a big family, but my son, grandson and partner, and indeed my darling Sarah, give me the strength I need to get through the days. Please don’t feel any guilt, you were pretty much in the dark as to what ailed him. You couldn’t control that. Be kind to yourself.
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I can hear your love for your daughter shining through in everything you write. It sounds like you did her proud at the funeral. I hope we will do the same on Friday for my son. We did consider a woodland funeral, as my son wasn’t religious, but the sites were too far away. The crematorium has lovely gardens which we can visit.
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Your daughter sounds amazing and you are too . All you have said it’s true. It’s just losing your loved ones at such a young age and not even getting to say the words you would want to say. But don’t know this was going to happen otherwise I would have not let him go.
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I have already found so many mothers feeling the way I do here. It doesn’t make it any easier but I now know I’m not alone in the way I am feeling. It’s not irrational to still be feeling lost and in pain nearly 5 years since my son died. Here we know we can be honest and not be scrutinised. Take care, 1 day at a time
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Thank you Marie… I’m sorry to hear you have and are going through this pain. How does this pain ease or how to handle it.? I can’t bring him back and I can’t live without him.
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However painful it it you are living without him. Day by day. X
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I’ve had a terrible day today , I miss my son so much x
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I’m so sorry to hear this, Ali76. I was busier today - had to go shopping and get my hair cut for the funeral. It helped a bit, although I still had a weep when I went into the hairdressers and then wept profusely when I got back to the car. Anyway being busy only helps for a while. Once you stop, the thoughts come crowding in again. It truly is an unbearable sorrow and it doesn’t seem to get any better. The only difference I find now is that there is a solid block of ice inside of me, which is the realisation that I really will never see my son again, and that all the bargaining with “God”, offering to die instead of my boy, kidding myself that it’s all been a huge mistake, just isn’t going to make any difference. All those hopes and dreams for our children, built up over decades of love, nurture and support, all just dashed to pieces. It’s so very, very cruel.
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I’m sorry. I think the only way forward is just to accept we have good and bad days and to just go with whatever we feel in any given day.
Today I’m ok but had a brief moment this afternoon, almost like a moment of disbelief / it can’t be real. Momentarily felt sick, had a few tears then ok again.
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My son was 34 , two weeks shy of his 35th birthday. Everyone was shocked. He was loved, liked, had a job and money. I miss him every day, but have to go on for my husband, daughter and him. I know he loved us and he knew he was loved. He would often say we were the best parents.
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That must be a great comfort to you. We loved our son but, like many people, I don’t know if we actually said it out loud. Perhaps we should have, but hopefully he knew from our actions. So sorry for your loss.
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The last thing my son and I said to each other was on a phonecall he said ’ mam I love you’ and I said ‘i love you too’ he then said he wouldn’t be home and that he was going to his friends house . He said that so I wouldn’t worry about him not coming home. At 12am I sent a text saying are you staying at Scott’s and he didn’t answer. I thought they will be on playstation having fun. He didn’t to his friends he didn’t move from the spot that I last spoke to him in, he ended his life there. He was happy and upbeat on the phone which I take comfort in. He had made up his mind to end his suffering and was happy that all his mental suffering was over. That is the only thing that keeps me going, he did what was best for himself x
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I just love and miss him so much and always will, it’s unbearable x
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Oh Ali76 that is so sad yet comforting in the sense you said those things to each other. I feel for you and all here. I’ve not stopped crying today.
Coroners called me on my way to dropping my son’s suit off saying that they had to take more samples of his organs as death is unknown. We can go ahead and have the funeral next week. And hoping I can see him this week once he is back. I can’t cope with the pain.
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Sending love and hugs to you all xx and my we all get some strength to get through these coming days weeks months and years
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