Thankyou Carly - I’m so sorry you lost your husband., I really am. Today was particularly bad. I have a nasty spinal disease which will never get better - I let our 2 Jack Russells into the back garden the first thing this morning - I thought they were quiet so went outside to see that they had forced a hole in the fence and were loose. I called my one brother who managed to get them back home, but when he left I broke down. Like everyone here my wife and I shared everything, all responsibilities. Adina knew my physical limits and we met halfway on everything. I felt completely overwhelmed today, knowing that I no longer have my greatest love with me to share this journey. I find myself doing things to feel connected with her still - The day she passed away I started sleeping on her side of the bed, it made me feel like I was still with her. What we are all going through, I wouldn’t wish on anyone
I am dreading a fuse flipping in our home. For some reason they placed the consumer unit at the top and back of the wardrobe. No way I could reach. Xx.
Jeff. Thank you. You clearly think the same as myself - no religion but a strong belief in some kind of afterlife where I will see him again.
I think when I feel a bit more with it I will try and get it relocated to somewhere more accessible. Lots of stuff in the top of cupboards that I can’t access and I am not going up a ladder.
Thank you Clive, sorry to hear about your spinal disease , and can only imagine how much support and love you recieved from your wife and now she is gone only makes it twice as hard for you.
Thats what i miss a lot, whenever I was not feeling well Terry would always be there to look after me but now he has gone, I have to look after myself .
I have a lovely family , but they have families of their own, so its a lonely, cruel journey we have to travel to get to where this journey is going to take us .
Today was not a good day for me,hoping tomorrow will be a better one.
Keep speaking on her to all the lovely people who are all suffering like yourself . 
God bless you. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better. This is new to me . But can’t help you. But feel your pain. I do and maybe should not express. I reached out to Sue Ryder. Not knowing what was on other side. They have no cure … but was not expecting this … yes putting all our pain out there.
Sorry just confused and yes know no magic wand to take this awful pain away. But yes shared. So maybe that is it.
I do not know you. But thank you for me being able to “waffle”. I do hope you will and sure you will
Find some peace. And I do feel your pain x
Hello, my wife passed away 5 months ago. She died very suddenly on a night out. Things had been strained between us a couple of weeks before. I feel destroyed inside because i didn’t get to say goodby and tell her that i loved her .
Its unbelievably cruel. Keep on . Dont give up. We all want to end this horrible journey that life has put us on. I am sure your wife would want the best for you.
RJK
RJK, I feel for you, and for your loss. It is the biggest regret of my life, the things that I did not say before my love left this world suddenly. It is a cruel bottomless pit of tears we who are left behind have to climb out of. Sending you hugs to heal your internal pain. x
Thank you for your understanding. I now realise how much i took for granted, death never crossed my mind because we live our lives without thinking that we could go at any time. I am a changed person since this happened. I just wish the nightmare would end. We had forty-seven years and this had to happen at the wrong time and the wrong place. It does help to know others have had a similar experience and that you are.not alone.
Please take care, my thoughts are with you,
RJK
RJK, forty seven years is a lifetime of knowing someone. I had only fifteen years, but it was enough to realise now, that there will be nobody else who gives me unconditional love like we had, and it’s that which I miss most of all now. Guilt is very much part of grief, so I’m told. However, we could have not stopped the cancer, and I too am a changed person, never thought I would find myself on a site like this, needing to understand whether I’m the only one going through the internal regret and longing. There is never a right time, or place, to lose someone who knew us so long and so well. I hope your heart heals a little, and that in time, your aching eases. Though we cannot replace what we all - humanly - took sorely for granted. My thoughts are with you also, take care and thank you for your kind words. They are much appreciated. Jay
It is a nightmare i agree. We were married 54 years. Looked after my husband for 22 years after a transplant. He did really well with it until March when he caught pneumonia. He could have recovered from this but in hospital he caught covid and sepsis. He had no immunity and there was complications with his immunity medication which he had to take. His last words to me were I’m not going to get out of here. A lot more to this but i could go on all day. He died in there in April. I live with it every day wondering could i have done more.
@Jay15 that is so sad, sorry for your loss. My husband had cancer and was in hospital for 5 weeks with an infection. We expected him to recover and come home but he only got home for 1 week before he passed. I too constantly wonder if more could have been donee. We’ll never know. Take care.
It’s so early days for you and you will be dealing with so many emotions right now as well as having to deal with all the admin and arrangements. Be kind to yourself and accept help if you need it .
When my husband died suddenly last year I thought I could carry on as normal and went straight back to work , which helped at the time . But since then I’ve taken early retirement and feel sad that all the things we’d planned to do won’t happen now .
At the moment you’ll be feeling like you’ll never be happy again but time is a great healer and although life will never be the same somehow you find the strength to carry on . Take care x
Oh Clive, I’m so sorry. I lost my husband 11 and a half months ago. I felt the exact same way. I did’nt think i’d last a week never mind 1/2 months. More importantly like yourself, I did not want to. however, here I am, believe it or not good days, and very bad days . I miss him terribly he was my total soulmate. However, I keep putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes one foot forward two back. I keep in mind that we will be together again one day. My daughter nearly lost her life this week, and and I sat and was feeling sorry for myself. However, that taught me that I’m here and need to keep going , as life is so very fragile, and precious. I’ve cried my eyes out this morning, I cry in shops, but other days I can function like normal. It’s a long painful road ahead of us all suffering bereavement, but there’s a glimmer of light ahead. Kathy
It’s a horrendous time and you can’t imagine ever feeling happy again . That’s normal, look after yourself, eat healthy food , go for nice walks , don’t be afraid to cry and open up to people, speak to them as if they’re still here , even send texts to their phone , weird but I find that helps .
Same here. Paul died on 12th July. I feel as if I did too.
Norman died on 6th July. I too am completely lost without him
Wayne - my wife died 2 weeks ago and I’m having exactly the same feelings as you. I have no interest in being here anymore. I thought that if a doctor told me I had terminal cancer tomorrow, I would shout with joy. I’m not religious either Wayne but I have always believed with every fibre of myself that there is something after this. That gives me a little comfort, but I want it now, not in 30 years.
Would people please stop saying how well I am managing. I’m NOT. Physically and emotionally.
I can’t hold back the tears even when I am talking to someone yesterday. It was really hard with my brother yesterday. I did well up occasionally. He has so little time left to be with his wife before he will suffer this. He needs to be happy while he can. Xx