Hi Katherine
Yes time moves forward sometimes dads death seems like yesterday and other times it feels like I’ve not seen him for months. I’m Not having a good week at all. Broke down at my counselling meeting this morning as always. Too much going on regarding my previous employment investigations and have just fell out with mum coz she’s doing my head in. I can’t deal with all her trivial stuff like sending a bloody email talked her threw it for 15 mins then hung up on her. Kept myself busy outside started painting garden fence to clear my head then mum arrives at the door again about printing something knowing I don’t have a printer and I’ve already arranged it with my brother in law. Told her to go away now I’m wracked with guilt and feel so ashamed. Crying my eyes out again 
Hi Lynne,
I know what you mean with sometimes it feeling like yesterday and other times like months. I am finding the loss and grief completley disorientating.
I’m sorry you are not having a good week. The added work stress I can’t even imagine having to deal with alongside the sadness you feel about the loss of your dad. I really do hope there is a resolution with it soon.
I also relate to the frustrations with your mum. It sounds terrible but I feel like I had all the patience in the world for dad and would happily spend time helping with something. Since he has passed away I feel like supporting my mum leads to frustration sometimes. My mum is staying at my house with me and I have gone from living alone to living with mum a huge adjustment.
It sounds like you are just at your limit and overwhelmed I hope you can give yourself a break and not feel guilty about it for too long.
Painting the fence sounds like a good plan. I said today I need to throw myself into a project and focus my mind. I feel like I have no control over my emotions at the moment and my mind doing a number on me.
Always here if you want to chat.
Sending love.
Xx
Hi Katherine
Sorry I havnt been in touch. You have been in my thoughts though. I’ve had a difficult week. Firstly started my garden project 2 weeks ago which all went wrong. I have finally got the neighbour at rear above me to uplift his rotted fence leaving me with heaps of mulch as wood so rotted and loads of slaters and wood lice left on my gravel. Far too big an area to pick it up. So I’ve been advised to wait until it’s dry for a few days and try get rid of it with leaf blower. Meanwhile using many bottles of bleach on decking to prevent any creepy crawlies getting into my home. Then overlaying my decking for summer. Dad was the man that loved doing garden work and I’ve missed him so much this week. Project on hold until better weather.
I Have had to drive past crematorium on 4 occasions as it’s the only route I know to get to wishaw cried my eyes out each time.
My niece’s baby due in 5 wks but she ended up being admitted to hospital with ? Preeclampsia. Her baby scan and liver scan ok and she is now discharged. Still vomiting constantly so I’ve cried for her too. She told me when dad passed that she didn’t want her baby if she could get to keep her papa. Broke all our hearts to hear her say this as she has always wanted a baby. My heads all over the place again. Not been out the door today other than trying to clean the pebbles (lost cause).
I hope you have had a better week than me.
Sending love
Lynne xx
Hi Lynne,
It’s good to hear from you. You have also crossed my mind.
I’m sorry to hear you are having a difficult week. Its frustrating having to wait on the neighbours to do something and then being left with a mess. I hope you are able to continue with your project when the weather picks up a bit. I’m sure you will get the garden looking lovely for the warmer weather.
I have been doing work on my house this week, mainly sanding and painting skirting boards which is time consuming. My house is very old and although I like living here the maintenance is difficult as nothing is straightforward. I’ve also got a number of jobs that now need doing that I can’t do myself (outside light needs replacing, gate lock). Dad would always come and fix these things for me and it just reinforces the fact that he’s not here to help me and I have no one else to ask!
I can understand being upsett driving past cemetery. It feels like everyday there is a reminder of what we have lost. I was in the supermarket yesterday and a song came on that dad and I liked and I felt the tears coming at the checkout. It feels like a constant sadness and no control over my emotions most of the time.
I hope your niece is doing better now. A new baby in 5 weeks will be lovely and something to look forward to. I love speaking to my little nephew on video he always cheers me up and makes me smile.
I have been at the counsellor today. I said that I still feel stuck in a cycle of feeling sadness, anger and guilt. Apparently this is very normal and part of the healing process. I don’t feel like I’m making progress though as three months since losing dad and my grief doesn’t feel any less or more manageable. I have been feeling quite down this week and I just don’t feel the same motivation or hope that I had before dad became ill. I’m not sure if this will come back. Going to try and keep plodding on.
Weekend is here again. I normally find weekends worse than weekdays so I will do my usual of trying to keep busy.
I hope you have had a peaceful day.
Sending love.
Xxx
Hi Katherine
So glad to hear from you I have been checking my mail all day. Thought something had happened to you. My niece is still in pain and has a lot of reflux baby apparently extremely hairy lol so taking after daddy as my niece is/was blonde. But hopefully she will get through the next couple of weeks without any further admissions.
Funny thing I was thinking of painting my doors, skirtings, and facings too. Unfortunately my staircase is in the living room so when I start I basically need paint to do the entire house 
. Badly needing all ceilings and staircase emulsioned. But need a decorator. I’m far too messy.
Bought loads of lovely fake plants for the garden (not green fingered like dad or mum) Picking up some wood tomorrow to make a ledge above my fence (to hide a bit of neighbours old shed)
Like you I’m a week away from 3 months of losing dad and nothing has changed emotionally. Still cry for the slightest thing. My 4 week session is over but she has given me other free contacts or I can go back to Louise £40 per session. I can’t see a way forward at aKk. Awaiting loads of my pics being delivered and have bought some lovely frames. I only have photos up in my bedroom for now but have bought loads no idea where I will hang them
Going to visit one of dads nephews and his wife tomorrow evening with my mum and sister. They visited dad every day in hospice apart from last 2 days when he was heavily sedated. Lovely couple but not looking forward to it.
I’m also booked for a holiday to Lara Beach in Turkey 28th March with one of my friends. Looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. Same time my niece is due her baby. But it was booked ages ago on a whim.
Hope you and mum are getting along. I’m still snapping at mine constantly. I’m just so scared of losing her but need to learn to bite my tongue I’m being horrible
A nurse colleague tagged my on a Facebook post the other day after I met her in Tesco n of course had to go through my whole account of dads death
It’s for a weekend break in Callender it’s called a Grief and Grow. Think it’s a kinda spiritual thing but I am considering it xxx
Hope you have a peaceful weekend
Hi Lynne,
Sorry for the delayed response. I didn’t feel like going to counsellor yesterday (had taken a break for couple weeks) so was doing my usual go to of keeping busy so I didn’t think about it. I’m glad i went as talking to the councellor makes me feel like I’m at least being proactive in helping myself.
I need quite a lot doing to my house! I’m getting new flooring in the coming weeks hence the rush to do skirtings. Mums house will be having a renovation and she’s currently staying with me so I don’t want to get any extensive work done on my house until hers has been done. I couldn’t stand the disruption of having two projects on the go. I will also be going the decorator route for any ceilings etc. My dad was very patient and prepared everything before starting any decorating whereas I am inpatient and would cause a mess!
I like the sound of the plants and ledge. I am going to get on with my garden when I have finished the skirtings but no idea where to start. I will no doubt watch lots of youtube videos of other people gardening and try and copy what they do.
My parents have a house abroad and I was helping dad with the garden there last June. We had no idea he was ill at the time and spent full days gardening in debilitating heat. The garden there is unreal and grows so quickly, it needs to be cut right back at the start of Spring and I have no idea what we will do with that. I’m hoping my brother can possibly go and cut it back as it would be way too much work for me and my mum is limited until her hip is replaced. I’m not sure I can even go back to the house, dad was hoping to go back in September prior to getting that terrible news. I feel upset even thinking about the fact that June was the last time we were there together and I didn’t even know it. 
I have had quite a few councelling sessions now (possibly 6?) so the next one is booked in for a months time. I have paid for these myself as i felt desperate after losing dad and didn’t want to wait. Earlier in the week I contacted the hospice where dad passed away as they do a group session for bereaved people which I would be interested in. I haven’t heard back yet but I’m not certain I would even be able to go as I don’t like the thought of going back there (even though they were helpful). I am all over the place in my thinking.
The pictures and frames sound great. I want to get some bigger prints of dad and put them up around the house. The photos bring me comfort when I glance over and he is there looking back.
I think a holiday is a great idea, it will be a change of environment and a chance to relax. I have no holiday plans so far which is very unlike me. Mum and dad would always look after my dog when I was away and now dad has gone mum is limited with being able to walk her if I’m away so I’ll have to figure something out.
Mum and I mostly get along ok but I also snap and I get frustrated. I love my mum to bits but do not have the same connection that I had with dad and sometimes as horrible as it sounds it makes me feel resentful or angry and it makes dad’s loss even more apparent. Dad and I were so similar and he said to my mum that I am feisty and to not argue with me! (he was also feisty more so than me).
The grief and grow weekend sounds really good! At the moment I only feel able to relate to others who have lost someone (not sure if you are the same) but spending time with other people who are also grieving might be therapeutic.
The 5 weeks will fly by and soon your nieces baby will be here. I hope you can look forward to that and your holiday. It’s good to have plans, you have inspired me to make some too.
Sending lots of love.
Xxx
Hi Katherine
You have a lot going on around you both yours and mums homes getting makeovers and renovations. I think keeping busy is the way forward. It’s keeping focused that’s my problem. When I get an idea I want it done yesterday and any delays just put me off. I’ve always been the same very compulsive
I hope you manage to get a break away, I’m sure you will have many happy memories at your family holiday home although the garden does sound like hard work. Im hoping my holiday relaxes me but it’s the thought of hitting the all inclusive bar and ending up crying my eyes out that I’m dreading. Also feel guilty for leaving mum as everyone else back at work. My last holiday was 3 days after dad was diagnosed and I didn’t want to go. Mum must have told dad the mess I was in and he called me saying “go & enjoy yersel, al be here when you get back” my friend picked me up at 4am and I cried all the way to the airport. Phoned home every day but put on a face for my pals sake, another 2 friends joined us for their 4 day break. I knew dad was going to go quickly although consultant told us he would have months & carry on doing what he could. Think my grieving started there and then and I was focused on making sure he got the community support required. Hence my constant battle with GP
I’ve not met any my “friends” yet they invited me to a day out tomorrow afternoon to see Christian 
no thanks I think I heard mum talk about him in the 70s and still not allowing myself near alcohol. Anyway getting my hair done on Monday so driving.
Photos just arrived by post so crying as usual. Will leave them aside until decorating done. Might not be anytime soon.
Unsure about counselling now felt quite emotional about not having a live person to talk to anymore. I spoke with counsellors on a daily basis when dad in hospice but really couldn’t calm down enough to get any benefit. They tried a reiki session but I was all tears n snot just couldn’t relax although I really tried. Don’t ever want to go back there I just cudnt face it. I don’t mind paying for more sessions if it helps. But tbh I find talking to you on here allows me to feel normal as I know we are both in very similar situations also on same timescale of grief. I suppose I kinda rely on you to see where you’re at and then think that’s okay then it’s not just me. Funny to feel more comfort from a stranger but it’s so true. Nobody else seems to understand.
Heading to mums now once the tears stop
Sending love and hugs
Lynne xxx
Hi Lynne,
I hope you are doing ok and you had a decent weekend.
I agree with you that keeping busy is the way forward, the less time to think the better. I understand what you said about getting an idea and wanting it done straight away. I am also impulsive which is one of the main differences between dad and I, he was much more patient.
I will definitely plan a holiday for the coming months. When I first lost dad I felt like packing a bag, running away and never coming back. This feeling has lessened slightly but I would enjoy some time to myself somewhere hot. The only thing that worries me is that I’ll have too much time to think and that I’ll miss being able to talk to my dad about it.
I dont think I’ll be able to go back to my parents holiday home, dad looked after it so well and it would break my heart to go there without him, I’ve no idea what we will do with it now.
I’m sure your holiday will be relaxing and your mum will be fine without you for a short while. It sounds like your dad always wanted the best for you, I know my dad would tell me to make some plans and to have some fun too.
I’m glad the photos of your dad arrived. I love seeing pictures of my dad but also find it upsetting as it’s like going down memory lane, all the happy times that are now gone. I ordered a few large prints of dad last night which should arrive this week so I will have to get some frames for those.
I find it difficult to tell how much the councelling helps. My next session is a month away and I may keep to just one a month for a while so if I’m having a terrible time I at least know I have it booked in. People have suggested techniques like reiki and meditation but it’s dfficulcult if you have racing thoughts and can’t relax.
I find talking to you helps me too. What you describe about your grief feels similar to my own grief in so many ways. I wish neither of us were struggling as much as we are but it is comforting to know I’m not alone in this struggle.
I will keep checking in and I am always here if you want to chat. Please message anytime.
Sending love.
Xxx
Hi Katherine
Didn’t have a great weekend. Had a couple of drinks when visiting dads family with mum n sister. sister drove my car home then I got drunk. So bloody stupid knew how emotional i would become. I Was even trying to phone dads mobile hoping there was a voicemail message to listen to. But phone is obviously no longer accessible.
Havnt done anything further in garden or house. Completely lost all motivation and back to square 1. Self loathing is certainly not assisting the grieving process.
Hope you find some nice frames for your dads photos x Mine will remain in the packaging until I get house decorated.
Have you any update on your dad’s plot ??
Going for some shopping then getting hair cut at 3:30. It really needs coloured but waiting until mid March before I go on holiday
Wish I had something positive to say. I’v just taken 3 steps back xxx
Take care
Sending love & hugs
Hi Lynne,
Sorry to hear that your weekend didn’t go to plan. Please don’t be so hard on yourself over having a drink, it’s easily done when we feel sad and all we want is to escape a bit.
I have always been an overthinker and stopped drinking about ten years ago as it was making me feel overly emotional and made the overthinking worse. Shortly after dad passed away I told myself that having a drink on the weekends or on holiday would be ok as it might bring some enjoyment. I didn’t follow through with it and havent had a drink. The reason I say that is the thought was there and I am sure it is for many people who feel bereft after losing a loved one so please don’t feel guilty about this.
No news on the plot. I enquired before Xmas and they said to come back in the new year and it will be on a first come first served basis. I did that and was then told to come back in middle of Feb and I would know when as I would be able to see when they have started work on the new section. I walk my dog there most days ( I find it strangely comforting) and can’t see that anything has been done. I’ll go into office tomorrow and ask. I wanted the headstone facing out towards the trees rather than facing another headstone as I want to be able to go and visit in the warmer weather and sit there for a while. I am going to keep waiting rather than settle for a plot that we aren’t keen on although I wish it would hurry up!
I am still waiting for my ring with dad’s ashes in to be completed too, that could take 6 weeks so hopefully it will be here soon. I hope these things are of some comfort to me. I just miss dad so much.
I have been continuing with skirtings today and baught myself a drill. I have managed to put a blind up in the bathroom and it actually looks like a half decent job which is surprising. Dad would love me doing work on my house so it makes me feel closer to him.
I need to get my hair cut too. I’ve been putting it off as the last time I went was just before dad’s funeral. Neither mum or I wanted to go but we felt like we would be letting him down turning up looking like a mess. I was crying in the middle of the salon and probably will again if she asks how I’m getting on.
Try not to see any of this as a set back. We have both been dealt a terrible blow and we are trying our best to get through it as best we can. That is all anyone can ask.
Always here if you want to chat.
Sending love.
Xxx
Sorry to hear you havnt got dads plot yet but I agree you should hang off so he is resting where you prefer. I’m sure your ring will be worth the wait too.
Mum still has most of dads ashes at home. Obviously I have his flask and we each have keyrings but we were going to scatter his ashes at the loch he always went fishing. Mum wanted a nice urn so I ordered one for her but now said it’s too big and returned it (prob too small for amount of ashes still left) She’s now talking about planting a new rose in the garden with his ashes but the house will be sold if anything ever happens to mum and none of us green fingered. We have no further plan as yet
I had my hair coloured and balayage the week before dad went into hospice. I cried my eyes out then. Back for a fringe trim day before funeral and my hairdresser just hugged me when I walked in. So again cried like a baby. Went to a different salon today. Can’t face her again and would likely cry and feel silly after all this time.
Glad you have kept up the good work in your home. Your dad will be checking to make sure that blind is straight 
that’s why I wanted to get on with the garden just incase dad wanted to give me any advice or tell me “I’m making an arse of it” 
Still got lots of meetings and hearings to attend re: work & can see it far enough. Don’t feel emotionally stable enough for all this added stress. Next job Aldi or something lol
Sending hugs xx
Hi Lynne,
Thanks, I have a feeling that the plot isn’t going to be ready anytime soon so I’ll have to just keep waiting and focus on something else for now. I never thought that putting ashes into jewelrey would be for me but I like the idea of having dad with me so it made sense.
Prior to dad passing away no one in my family ever discussed death or what they would like afterwards. I remember asking dad what he might want and he said he didn’t know and we would talk about it another time. Everything happened so quickly after that and we never got chance to discuss it any further. I don’t think my mum and brother have too many ideas on what to do with his ashes which is why the plot is the way forward for us.
I might try a different hair salon too. Everything has become pre and post dad passing and there are a number of places that I haven’t been able to go back to since it happened. It feels like a past life now.
I am sure they are watching over us both.
I hope the meetings and hearings go well, it is a lot of stress to be dealing with.
Hope you are having a peaceful evening. My mind is whirling again tonight thinking of dad.
Keep in touch. 
Xxx
Morning Katherine
Don’t think I’ve slept at all overnight. Still wide awake at 4:30 reading alarm set for 9am taking mum to GP appointment again. She’s been at a&e, cardiology twice and 3rd visit to GP since dads funeral. It’s weighing heavy on me. She’s phoning GP at least once a week complaining of pain. Told her again and again her fractured ribs will not heal at all unless she follows Dr’s orders and takes things easy. 2 years now she has been getting fractures on ribs and spine by doing everyday chores and she will not listen!! Every day I go in she is cleaning or moving furniture or stripping beds or tidying up the garden and complaining about pain but refuses to wait for me. 
she’s driving me & my sister mental.
Dad never discussed death refused to write a will too so that’s causing ongoing issues with the house. Lawyer loving it probably making lots of cash x
When he went to hospice he said he wanted a burial which took us all by surprise. We looked into his parents and siblings plots but only 1 where his parents were buried and no space. He and his twin were the youngest of 10. Most of his family cremated apart from his twin who is interred in Motherwell while dad came from Holytown and we live in Airdrie. It was so difficult to organise funeral and think mum still worries she couldn’t get dad next to his parents or twin. The rest of us want cremated so didn’t want to buy a plot where he would be alone with no family around him. Strange as it sounds.
Best crack on feeling overwhelmed again xxx
Take care xxx
Hi Lynne,
The lack of sleep after losing dad is a nightmare, sorry that you are struggling with this too. Sleep has been very hit and miss and doesn’t help with emotions. I hope your mum’s GP appointment went ok.
It’s really difficult watching your parents get older and more frail. The fractures sound really painful, but there’s not much you can do if your mum won’t listen. This time last year my dad was up the ladder fixing something on my roof in terrible icy weather. I would get so stressed thinking he would slip and I asked him so stop, he said he would and then just went up the other side of the house hoping I didn’t notice! You can’t tell that generation what to do and they like to keep busy.
Its stressful sorting out the admin after someone passes away. We haven’t had to get solicitor involved as everything goes to mum but we are still having to apply for probate. I had to send off dad’s will last week and it was so upsetting. They have a printer in their house and i had to go in to print out cover letter and it just felt surreal. I just want to walk up to the door and have dad eagerly waiting for me to come in for a coffee. The downstairs front room still has the bed in but no dad. It doesn’t feel like a home anymore.
Its really difficult knowing what to do with funeral arrangements, burial or cremation and where to put the plot. I have said I want my ashes put near dad’s when I die.
I’m going to call in and see my Aunty tomorrow. I’ve been putting it off as there will be no mention of dad (assume it’s because she doesn’t want to upset me) and I will probably be asked if I am back at work yet. Still feel that the judgement is there that I should be back to normal. It very much feels like I’m supposed to not discuss it and put a smile on my face Infront of some people.
I hope all is well and you have a peaceful evening.
Sending love.
Xx
Hi Katherine
I agree the legal stuff takes time and effort. Mum’s solicitor keeps sending meaningless letters about things already discussed. I always feel the need to step in otherwise mum just goes with the flow. Spoke to someone from council tax last week on mums behalf as they are saying she is in debit. It always come out dads account. But she got a demand for dec & Jan which she paid. The woman was very abrupt and kept interrupting me with “let me speak” so I sat back and listened to her babbling on the said “perhaps you could allow me to speak now. Dad passed at end nov and mum had paid full year for 2 ppl. She is entitled to a rebate. After much towing and growing she finally agreed. I can be like a dog with a bone when I know I’m right. She was so bloody adamant with absolutely no compassion for dads death.
Mum got ^pain relief from GP and I had to take her for another X-ray results will go to GP 
possibly further fractures.
Dad was like yours he was out my front garden last year on top of a ladder shaping my conifer with a hedge trimmer no stopping him.
That’s nice you know you will be beside dad when your time comes. Wish I had thought of that but it’s mum’s decision where his ashes go. We will get round to discussing it at some point.
I put a message on my “friend” group chat yesterday about mum’s appointments. After 8 hrs of no response I left the chat. Feel so disappointed in their lack of interest I can understand ppl not being comfortable with all my doom & gloom but that’s where I’m at and their lack of support hasn’t helped me to heal.
Hope you have a good visit with your aunt Katherine, the older generation appear to accept death better (may only be my experience). Everyone tells you not to keep things bottled up, but nobody wants to hear you it’s very disorienting.
Hope you have a nice day.
Sending hugs
Always here xx
(strangely enough that’s what one of my friends messaged me) it’s been 3 months now and only saw them at dads funeral 
ironic
Hi Lynne,
I hope you have had a good day. Its good that you sorted your mum’s council tax out. Your mum is lucky to have you. Your experience is all too familiar and reminded me of when we went to register dad’s death. The person taking the details was completley unempathetic and had no patience with mum who had just lost her husband of nearly 50 years. I got really irritated and said mum was upset and needed a moment. Some of these people need more training.
How you are supporting your mum seems similar to how I’m supporting mine. Dad managed all of the finances and admin and now he’s no longer here mum doesnt know what’s what. I am on top of it all but I would like her to be more involved. Once probate is granted I will try and show her what needs to be done. I worry how she would manage if anything happened to me as my brother is abroad and she doesnt know the ins and outs of everything. I hope he would help her with it all.
I hope your mum is in less pain and fingers crossed no further fractures. Your dad does sounds like mine, he loved hedge trimmers! 
My mum and brother didn’t have any firm ideas about what to do with dad’s ashes. Mum just feels lost without him but when I’ve asked if she has any ideas other than headstone she doesn’t so is happy to go with that.
I understand your dissapointment with friends not responding on the group chat. It doesn’t take long to respond and to ask how things are going. I have heard very little from anyone in recent weeks. One of my friends will message every so often to say that she’s thinking of me but when I write back that I’m struggling not much more is said. One of my dad’s cousins who lost her daughter texts to check in and she said that people don’t ask because they don’t know what to say. It’s probably true but not helpful for the bareved.
The visit with my aunt was nice, just small talk. My Aunt is in her mid 80s and is very much show no weakness or emotion. I felt quite judged by her when dad was ill because she implied that i had somehow made it harder for myself because I wasn’t married with someone supporting me. She doesn’t understand me living alone and being independent.
I am trying to get back into some kind of fitness and started doing my long walks again today. I lost so much motivation since 2020 and haven’t really got it back. Of course the routes remind me of dad so ended up crying in the middle of a field but managed to pull myself together again. Going to try and keep it up each day as it does help calm my thoughts.
I hope you have a good evening.
Xxx
Hi Katherine
sorry to hear you had problems with the registrar of all people. You would think they would be sympathetic and patient at such times. I was with mum during every stage and apart from the girl in the bank who was so helpful everyone else was rude and all business. Mum is not very challenging and also very confused during the process and I found myself stepping in all the time
I’m glad to hear you have a cousin who understands you although I’m sorry to hear of her loss.
2 of my friends have messaged me and meant to message me back ? Apparently assumed I didn’t want company because Iv stated I don’t/can’t drink. I have agreed to meet for lunch next Thursday but reluctantly. Told my friend Lynn she was fortunate that all our friends replied to her so quickly, told her exactly how I feel, disappointed, hurt & pissed off. Must be interesting in the chat now.
I never left my bed yesterday basically. Turned over dads Callander I got printed to March and cried intermittently all day.
Good to hear you have started exercising and I can understand why it brought on the tears. I really need to get motivated. It would do me good to get out walking body and soul coz I have piled on the pounds too, eat lots of sweets and crisps all day everyday.
I have been excused from the hearing next week which is a weight off my mind, my union rep advised me to write an email explaining my circumstances and I stated I could not act in a professional manner due to distress and anxiety.
Going for a wee lunch today with my sister, mum, brother in law and nephew. Hopefully my niece can manage too as she is now off on maternity leave but violently sick.
Mum has booked a table for the whole family in a lovely local restaurant on Sunday 12th for her birthday. She said she’s doing it different this year and she is treating us instead of other way round.
Keep up the good work Katherine, you are taking positive steps and I’m proud of you. Hopefully will encourage me to do likewise.
Sending love
Lynne xx
Hi Lynne,
Sorry for late reply, was out running errands most of the yesterday. Yes, the registrar was horrible, I know they have a job to do but a little bit of compassion and patience wouldn’t go a miss. Your mum sounds very much like mine, she will question things afterwards but not directly where as I won’t be fobbed off and much more direct.
My dad’s cousin lost their daughter last year to cancer she was only in 40’s. Dad had lost contact with them over the years but bumped into her in the summer. When dad found out he was sick he wanted to contact them but there wasn’t time. After he passed away I wrote a letter to let them know that we had lost dad and they got in contact right away. It probably came across as a bit strange as I didn’t know them but it was important to dad so I’m glad I did it, they attended dad’s funeral and we have kept in touch. It’s a shame that so much time went by without them keeping in touch.
I don’t see why your friends would interpret you not wanting to have a drink as you not wanting company, there are plenty of other things to do. I am thinking more and more that people just dont know how to support a grieving person (myself included prior to this) so they keep distance. Maybe see how you go at lunch and if it doesn’t go to plan just make an excuse and leave. Friendships can be complex and know what you mean about what might be said in the chat. It’s disappointing.
I only have a couple of close friends and the rest are work colleagues who I get along well with and will see out of work sometimes. I haven’t wanted to meet up with anyone really so have just been saying we will arrange a catch up soon but I think at some point I’ll have to either put in the effort in or not bother. I just don’t feel like going and pretending that everything’s fine, I’m sure they wouldn’t expect that but also don’t want to be going over everything that happened with dad. It’s confusing and I’m not sure what I care about and don’t these days.
I’m sorry that you had a bad day and was upsett about your dad. I feel underlying sadness about dad all of the time still but some days or even weeks seem to be much harder than others. It’s disorientating.
I have spent the last couple of days doing the long walks between other running around and house stuff (still a mountain to do). As miserable as it sounds I have been listening to a couple of grief podcasts whilst walking, but much of which is what I kind of know at this point. I like walking for exercise (try to go uphill where possible) but I am one of those all or nothing people so I will either start and go for miles or not go at all. I am trying to not be as much that way and just go for short walks if I’m not feeling up to it.
Good news on the hearing, worrying about that is the last thing you need. I hope you enjoyed lunch with your family and your mum’s birthday lunch on 12th sounds like a lovely idea and something to look forward to. I hope your neice is holding up ok.
Thanks for your encouraging words. It feels like wading through concrete most days but I am trying to make dad proud and keep going like he told me.
I think you are also taking positive steps Lynne, we are both trying as best we can. Thanks for listening.
Hope you have a peaceful evening.
Keep in touch,
Sending love
Xx
Morning Katherine
You seem to be filling much of your time which is good. If I’m anywhere it’s with mum it can be quite tiring. Don’t know why my brother can’t take her out for a couple of hours. He usually only visits on every 2nd Saturday when he’s got his son Lewis and only stays a couple of hours.
The door to dads garden shed has been stuck since he passed. I managed to pry it open yesterday and have shaved the door down a fraction so mum can get in. Dad had repaired door but in his own way (once of his last projects) didn’t want to take too much off wood may be still swollen due to the usual crappy weather. I got a few tools and brought them here to try and get started again in the garden. Trying to break down pallets without breaking the panels. Still split the wood so no idea how to go about it now. YouTube has not been as useful as it appears. Miss dad so much he would have done this the second I brought them home.
I havnt started indoor painting and not looked for quotes as yet.
Is you new flooring down yet ? I’m sure it will be a lovely. Just be careful with steam mop if using one. I had cheap laminate in my living room when I moved in. Bought steam mop and cleaning away while on a call to mum. Left if on and ended up with a triangle where colour lifted where it sat for far too long couldn’t hide it with a rug due to where it was. changed to carpet which I couldn’t really afford at that time so be cautious 
I’m sure same thing can happen to real wood flooring.
Don’t know what to do with myself today. Try again with pallets ? Certainly can’t just give in my back garden is an eyesore and need decking relayed but that will be last on the list so I don’t damage it.
It’s dry and the sun is out so will get out there before the notion wears off again.
Iv met many of dads family who I hardly knew or saw since I was little, it’s nice that you have reformed a bond with his cousin, just sad about the circumstances.
I will see how it goes with my friends on Thursday. I have another absence meeting in work in the morning No further messages received from my friends right enough . A couple of former colleagues have been calling me (since being made aware of the hearing we are all involved in) 2 of them call me to check in as I have broke down on the phone to them. It’s nice to know someone is thinking of me and cares even my union rep has called me (never met her just talked on phone) just to say she’s thinking of me and to tell me to take care as she is off to Tenerife.
I’ve never listened to a podcast really don’t know what it is tbh. But I know it helps to know there are others in similar circumstances and you are not alone. So I don’t think it’s sad at all, if it helps then go with it.
I will have another coffee now and see if I can motivate myself to get outside to start work
Have a pleasant peaceful weekend
Lynne xxx
Hi Lynne,
I hope you are doing ok.
I also find it tiring with my mum. Dad and I would talk all the time and we had similar thinking patterns but mum doesn’t really initiate conversations so I find myself just talking at her sometimes. She also tells me what she is doing all the time or asks if she can do something which is probably because she is staying with me but I wish she would just use her initiative. I’m not used to this at all, it’s a huge adjustment.
It’s good that you have sorted the shed door for your mum and you have started in the garden again. I am finding keeping busy helpful, my brother is visiting on 23rd March so that will hopefully be a pleasant visit too.
The new flooring won’t be here for a few weeks. Thanks for the advice with the mop, sounds like something I could have done. I managed to burn the edge of my current carpet with the heat gun when removing the paint off the skirtings. It heated up the metal scraper which I then put on the floor without thinking. I was in too big of a rush as my dad would have told me.
Its nice that you have met a lot of your dad’s family that you hadn’t seen in a while. My dad had two brothers and unfortunately none of them kept in contact over the years. After my grandma passed away when I was little my grandad decided he wanted a new life and went his own way so we have always just had mums side of the family and no one on my dad’s side. One of my dad’s brothers came to dad’s funeral (dad’s cousin informed him) but the other brother we haven’t been able to get hold of. It’s all a shame to be honest, time lost and no real reason for it all other than different personalities.
Yes, see how you go on Thursday and I hope your meeting goes well. It’s nice that your colleagues are checking in with you, sometimes someone saying that they are thinking of you is all that is needed.
I am missing dad so much today. I got some of the prints through the post and there is one of dad on the beach in Wales last March holding my puppy. He loved her to bits and she braught him so much joy. On that trip dad and I did a 14 mile walk together on a route that he and mum used to do when they were young. He asked how I thought he was doing for 70 and I said great as he could keep up so well. The next month, April last year was when he felt the back pain which we now know was the cancer. It makes me so sad I don’t understand how he could be so fit and then everything go so wrong. I’ve had to move the print this evening as its upsetting me everytime I glance at it. The grief is relentless but some days it feels like a sledgehammer.
Sorry for gloomy message. I hope you managed to get back out in the garden or have had a good rest of your Saturday. Your dad would be proud of you looking out for your mum and working on the garden.
Sending love
Xxx