My first birthday tomorrow without my husband. I’m dreading it. Lots of cards arriving but not the one I desperately want. My lovely sister is coming tomorrow morning to stay overnight and I know all my children will visit. Last year was my 60th and we had lots of celebrations and were all so happy. The memories came up on my FB page today and it’s heartbreaking.
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My husband went 2 days before my birthday- I wouldn’t let anyone even mention it - lots of love and hugs xxx
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'happy birthday’s are the wrong words I know … Not sure what words to acknowledge your birthday would help? - just now we all here appreciate you xx
I hope your sister will bring you some comfort, I am glad you will have someone with you - you will always have us here to help & support you x
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My husband passed the week before mine, 2 weeks before his… not sure if that makes the 'firsts ’ easier or not? … I think we may certainly feel it more this year x
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Viv passed away on the 31st March 2020. Her Birthday was 10th of March. She would have been 68 this year and I am not looking forward to next month so can’t get used to this x
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Private message sent xxx
Thank you!
Hi Jean
Best wishes for tomorrow ( you know what I mean)
Paul’s birthday 23rd February already feel tension if that’s the right word
As if I don’t feel ‘tense’ every single day
Thinking of you tomorrow
Chin up
Don’t forget to post on here
We are all here for you
Big hugs
Xx
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I didn’t celebrate my birthday in January, first 1 without my gorgeous Bri. Just treated it like any other sh## day. Not the best move if im honest x
Hi Skip
It’s so hard knowing what to ‘do’
There’s no right or wrong we just need to get through the day
Folk always say the first this that or the other will be the worst…… dream on
Every year ‘celebrating’ birthday Christmas or whatever we all know will be bloody hard
Life will never be the same and I’m with you 100%
It’s just shit
Take care
Xx
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Oh my!! I just got a text after 4 yrs from a “former friend” telling me they were back in town after moving away. They knew my beloved husband had Alzheimer’s. Never bothered to email or text in all that time. Now she lets me know they have moved back, how are we and to give my husband a “big hug”. I can’t handle this. Crying and can’t stop. Karen
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Hi
Karetired
Oh no ……worst nightmare possible…….
The nightmare just goes on and on
Really feeling for you
Big hugs from me to you
Xx
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Hi @Karetired. I’m so sorry that this thoughtless person has upset you. As if you’re not upset enough already. If she’d have given it a bit of thought, she would have had the decency to ask how you were first before assuming your husband was still with you, especially as she knew he was ill. I would politely tell her that he’s no longer with you and then not bother with her anymore. Big cuddle to you xx.
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Bess and Jean: I am so grateful for your responses. That is why this site is my port in a storm. I did very simply sent her a text saying he died in Aug. I got a text back asking how was I doing. Seriously, how would she think I would be doing. They knew my husband and I. We did a lot of social things together. They knew mu husband and I were inseparable. How am I doing. Really!!! I deleted her text and did not answer. If you are insensitive to ask, you don’t deserve an answer.
Sorry, I am trying to deep breathe and gain some composure.
Thank you again. Karen
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I get so many insensitive messages and invites to to things a- I know it has been a whole 6 weeks since I lost him! Surely and I am slowly starting to feel better now someone said!
With you all the way - people don’t get it until it happens to them xxx
Hi all
Well done Karetired you did the right thing
Respond don’t react ( my counsellor’ advice) then delete
Charm …. How are you
6 weeks is nothing as you say until it happens to them folk have no idea
Paul passed 24th July 2022 and as you all know I’m struggling big time and folks here have lost their soulmate a lot longer and understandably still struggle
I know I’ll struggle my entire life how can we not
The deeper the love the deeper the grief
I know no words of wisdom in that
Yes this site is a life saver
We always get support understanding and reassurance we are not losing the plot in our darkest hour which is every minute of every day
I’m treading water
Walk outside and ‘act’ …… we all do that
Big hugs to you all
Xx
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I am going to put a different viewpoint about being upset about old friends not getting it right
@Karetired @Bess1 and @Jean8 as that could so easily have been me in my past life. We all acknowledge that people who have not suffered this type of loss do not appreciate how devastating it is. I certainly didn’t and could so easily have asked how someone was, after losing the love of their life after illness, as a non confrontational question.
I wouldn’t get upset about an old friend I hadn’t seen or heard from saying those things as I would appreciate that they cared enough about me to want to get back in touch after many years and that they simply didn’t know how to react to the terrible news. Unless it was words which would be obviously intending to hurt or be disrespectful I would give them the benefit of doubt.
Not criticising your response but just wanted to say how easy it is for people to get things ‘wrong’ in our eyes when it is done through misunderstanding rather than through intention to hurt.
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Recently, when the “poor me” had visited, I said to our daughter - -
Am I being over sensitive and expecting too much from people but I don’t know what I expect them to do.
Maybe I’ve made myself insular or unapproachable?
Im feeling the lack of contact is just as bad as the naff comments?
G. X
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I think you are being too hard on yourself to be honest xxx
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KarenF Couldn’t agree more. A few of my friends have vanished but I think only temporarily. Others have been good others not so, but I wasn’t that good. My wife was very empathic as my friends who have been bereaved have told me. Also I realised that most of our friends have been in our lives a long time. The friends in photos at our wedding I’m 1975 we’re mostly at her funeral. Only one couple weren’t there having got divorced and lost contact. I realised that they are also grieving the loss of their friend and those who are awkward perhaps don’t want to set me off as it is hard for them as well. As our partners were the centre of our worlds snd these have collapsed the dark fog of grief may stop us seeing this. xx
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