@Bess1 you should be so proud of yourself for going tonight, i bet you made alot of people happy you being there, its shit this new life we find ourselves facing every day but your Paul is one proud husband this evening.
Love and hugs to you, i wish i could take your pain away x
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Hi Bess. I’m really sorry you’ve had such a very hard night. I think you were so brave going on your own. Your husband would have been so proud. I have something similar coming up in May. The football award ceremonies that my husband used to organise. They are having an award in his name. It will be a proud moment but I am terrified. I know I will break down completely. His car was taken away today. That was horrific too. There just seems no end to it all. This really is a s**t life at the moment. My birthday is coming up next week as well. I’m dreading that. David used to bring me a cup of tea in bed and give me my cards and pressies to open. We’d both read the cards and he’d be so excited for me to see what he’d got me. I can’t bare to think about it. Big cuddle to you. Jean x.
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Think I’ll stop this now - never get that much support. You all have other people near by and I don’t. Take care all xx
It’s coming up to 3 months since my hubby passed, still doesn’t feel real. I still hope that he will be sat there when I come in. I am in an ongoing nightmare that will never end.
The best support I have are our pets. He made sure we kept them, he knew I would need them. He was right - they are the only reason I am still here.
I am very much alone other than the boys. No real support from family/friends. I don’t hear from most - I tend not to reach out to them, what’s the point? Noone really wants to know the truth of how I am feeling.
Plus I’m fed up of hearing “you’re young, go out, meet someone” - yes, I’m young (45) but going out is not me. And certainly not meeting someone! - why would you say that to someone? I find some people assume because you’re younger you don’t grieve as much? Or they think it will be easier?
No it’s not. I have lost the most important person in my life. My best friend, my rock, my soul mate, my everything. We were always together (aside from when at work). I’m not living, I’m ‘exisiting’. I’m unable to watch TV - there are so many unfinished programmes we would watch together.
I have his car - it broke me transferring that into my name - driving it without him is weird. I am crying as soon as I start up. (I’m keeping its a part of him).
I have started to write plans for my funeral, who gets what etc … I will write an official will, awaiting other bits to be sorted first and can then get that sorted.
I have a task that I really need to start that’s trying to sort and sell one of his collections (one that he was starting to sell and wanted me to sell to get some financial support) - I’m struggling. The thoughts of it going (it’s like I’m erasing him). How to value it where to start. I’m lost.
I have his ashes home with me. I talk to him.8 It’s not the same. I hurt so much knowing he’s not here to comfort me.
I don’t want to be here and wonder how long I have to endure this misery until I can be with him again.
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You ok Charm xx
Kel2
I totally get what you are saying. Just over 3 months in for me and i suppose im classed as a bit younger at 58.
A lot of people have said im young enough to meet someone else. It really annoys me and makes me feel sick.
We were always together when i wasnt at my part time job. We didnt need anyone else. We didn’t have to say anything, just a look and we knew what the other was thinking. Soulmates like a lot of people on here were.
So now its contemplating a future as 1/2 a person. A slow 24 hrs a day torture.
His 2 eldest kids have been nasty threatening and abusive over money. My 2 are fantastic but have their own lives. I dont have a close friend as such but a few friends have been lovely, but they all have partners. Weekends especially Sundays are evil. He died 14 weeks ago today.
I don’t think there is any answer. I am getting used to my own company more. I talk to him, i talk to myself, i talk to the cats and i cry at little things.
Im still signed off work. Ive stopped walking, i used to walk over 15k a day. Im surrounded by a very untidy house but whats the point.
Im ok in that i understand this is my life now. But the memories regret anger disbelief sadness never goes away.
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Hi Charm are you ok? … Here if you need to talk, rant, whatever x
Morning all
27 weeks for me tonight 5.57pm
This life as everyone says is shit
And yes folk think well times getting on move on
they don’t say it but it’s on everyone’s face
I even saw it in my bestest support sister in law Clare last night
Doubt she knew the thought was thier but her face said it all
It’s been said by everyone here life shit
Hope you get strength for your football do in May
It’ll be bloody hard…. Sorry just saying it as it is
Last night was horrible
Thank you all for your support it really helps me
Hugs to everyone
Xx
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Exactly, I think that’s what some people don’t get - that we did everything together, only time apart was work.
We weren’t fussed about going out etc.
I am very much alone with the boys ( just put them in their run bless them)
Similar I have a step daughter who is looking for money. Hubby didn’t have a will, so that is being dragged out.
I don’t have kids myself, my kids are our pets.
I’m still signed off, can’t face work - the employer is not the greatest so that doesn’t help (larger company bought out smaller company I was working for )
Also the job itself is not something I think I want to go back to now… So I don’t know.
I have in my head things I need to do - brain is overworking constantly but it’s where to start etc - trying to occupy and do things … At the same time I don’t want to do anything, just want my hubby. I am so drained, tired.
All I want is a cuddle from hubby x
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@Kel2 @JaneD same here. 18 weeks today my life changed forever, part of me died that day too. I hate sundays, i relive that fateful day every hour. We did everything together, and at 1 point we worked together too for 10yrs, despite everyone saying it was a mistake, not 1 cross word in work. In fact we never had 1 cross word. We never had kids, he told me that after a only a month of going out, so we knew it was serious early on. Our kids are our dogs too, tho we lost our Buddy last May. Yesterday i adopted a golden Retriever which i believe Bri sent to me, its helping having another heartbeat in our empty house.
Our friends have been amazing, taking me out for walks and coffee. Family too, both mine and Bri’s, ive always said how lucky i was to have great in laws and they have been fantastic.
I cant bear to get rid of his car so thats staying, everything in our bedroom is staying the same. A will is on my list of things to sort. Never thought of doing 1 until now, im only 48, bri was only 47. I really would love to join him as soon as i can, i dont wanna live in this world without him. I wont do anything but i keep asking him to take me with him. So i want our affairs in order, i have no clue how to sort a will.
Love and hugs to all x
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I paid for and planned my own funeral along with my husband’s. We never did it as it was too upsetting and we did absolutely everything together. He left me on the 26th December. I also have seen a solicitor and done my will. I went through a charity - most do it. I chose cats protection but you can go through any animal, cancer charity etc.
The will is free and you can make a donation. We supported 5 charities so I have left money to all of them. The charity will send you a list of solicitors involved in the scheme.
It is not hard but as with everything to do with these awful new lives it is upsetting.
Charm xx
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We did the same as Charm whilst my wife was still alive. We had had problems sorting out her parents’ affairs as they had left no wills so my wife saw this as a way of making sure we didn’t leave the same problems to our children and of supporting her favourite charity Guide dogs for the blind. It was easy. xx
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I also left money to guide dogs as one of our charities- we support Betty every month xx
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I used to keep saying about making wills, one if those things that keeps getting pushed back. He agreed when he became ill - again he was in and out of hospital we never got to do them.
That is my priority once everything if his is sorted. I have started writing bits … I need to make sure my bits are properly cared for (if they’re still here before I go). That they are homed appropriately - not just dumped at a local pond which will kill them.
Funerals - we did start paying into plans, but not git round to actually planning (I think that makes sense) - when he passed I cancelled his plan and chose the Directors close by whom I know are excellent, I wanted him to have the perfect send off.
The plan we have, these directors are not a part of.
I have kept mine going … With this company should I pass before the plan is paid - the remainder of the plan is cleared, noone has to pay this off. That will be my next thing, go through the directors they have and actually sort the plan in full so all anyone will need is my plan number x
I shall be buried with my husband as per my plan. He is in a green burial site. I will be cremated and placed in he same plot. One had to be buried - he did not like cremations and one cremated in order to do it. I bought and paid for it all at once. I did not want it to be anybody else’s responsibility.
I have made lists of who will get what , music to be played and brief words to be said. It made me feel better no one I was at least in charge of that.
I would love a pet but i have severe arthritis which makes it difficult. A friend I met recently who lost her husband has Parkinson’s. Everyone has a cross to bear. Xx
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I had fantastic funeral directors who are family run only - definitely not the big well known firms who are interested only in the money. Xx
My husband had a wonderful send off and see him twice a day and always have new flowers xx
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The funeral directors I chose for hubby is a family run directors.
I think once all his finances are sorted I may cancel the policy I have and pay mine outright with them.
I have his ashes home with me. He will come with me when it’s my time and then our ashes to be scattered in Cornwall (our favourite place)
That’s why I want to try get everything sorted, I don’t want to be a burden to anyone when I’m gone.
Next of kin wise for me now will be my mum or brother - both no good at dealing with anything… So I want to do what I can while I’m here.
Pets are amazing, the boys have been a huge help to me.
I do have someone whom will be able to have them and I know will look after them, but also have back up of a duck rescue.
Want to try leave something financially for them to cover their care x
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That was exactly why I got everything done with all account numbers etc. if only I could have pets or parents. Both long gone way too early. Xx
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I am in the very slow process if trying to limit what I have in the house. I’ll happily sell/lose what I collected… his - on a struggle - have the bits I know he wanted to sell.
I have a huge collection that is more American based so more tricky to try sell… (most of it is also.at mums so makes it more difficult) … I want to try sell/move as much as I can so there is not too much for others to deal with x
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