Marg 1
I do understand when you say if you didn’t wake up all the pain would go. I still feel this after two years of loss but like you I would never actively do anything to hasten it, I have four children, many grand children and great grand children and I wouldn’t cause them distress but sometimes I feel so very lost without my darling husband. We were together over 57 years and married for 54. Every day is still hard going and I look forward to some peace.
Welcome Ann 1819
Everyone here understands……
I also feel I’m in a tunnel a blocked one
I would also say I’m treading water and drowning
No one absolutely no one around me get it
We also have no children
Paul was a twin and Clare sister in law has been absolutely fantastic also her hubby Richard
But…… Clare admits she doesn’t know how I’m feeling
No one can I feel alone
I feel shit
Folks see me out driving so think I’m ok oh Paul died last year so she must be ok
Will I ever be ok doubt it
Bad day today tears all day
Sunny spring day and Paul will never see it
Never see daffodils again
He loved to see the daffodils he’d say summer is on it way
I was in marks and spencer checkout ( food hall ) today
Saw pancake mixture Paul loved pancakes I always made mixture tho
It’s obviously Tuesday
I couldn’t stop crying god knows what the assistant thought
Cried all the way to the car then just cried my heart out
Paul will never make ( yes he cooked them) pancakes again
I aren’t living
I’m just existing…… going through the motions
The pain is horrendous utterly horrible
Love and hugs to everyone suffering
Xx
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Bess1: our pain is palpable isn’t it? I struggle everyday. We have nice neighbors that live behind us. Offered to help with whatever I need. I am pretty independent since my beloved husband died. Well, I’ve always been pretty independent. Anyway one day they asked how I was doing, I replied that things are difficult. They looked at me like I has 2 heads and just said with a surprised look on their faces “oh”. Once again I don’t expect people to get our journey, but have some common sense. I don’t know I am pretty raw. Thank goodness I can come to this site for understanding. Wishing you peace and love, Karen
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I feel the same love its so hard.x
Morning Karen
Same here … I’ve had that reaction from folk who like you know me and yes they look at you like ‘what’ ‘still’
Your descriptive word raw says it all
I’m fragile very
Like you outwardly outwardly independent ( more so now) but inside im just jelly
And yes so so raw
Bad night last night howled most of the night
Cried again this morning …….
What a shitty life
Love and hugs to everyone to get through the day
Xx
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Hello @Karetired, we do read everything that’s shared on the community publicly so that we can make sure everyone is safe, and so that we can respond to questions, reply to threads that haven’t had a response and share resources that might be helpful. We don’t read or moderate private messages. You can find out more about how we moderate the community in our terms and conditions. Members can also drop me or Alex a message at any time if they need any help or have any questions.
Sending gentle thoughts to you all and thank you for supporting each other.
Take care
Seaneen
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Hi i had a bad night last night could not sleep every thing that happened to my Husband just keep going through my head its been just over 3 months now and the pain i feel is just as bad as the day he passed away i miss him so much
Just like me last night - exactly the same expect it has only been 6 weeks for me xxx
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I’m exactly the same except its 29 weeks on Sunday Paul passed away
Sorry don’t mean to be depressing
Xx
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Same here. The last few nights/days have been awful!
Sleep is not a thing for me more so now (30min if i’m lucky)
His work, my work, his daughter do not help!
Sick of it all!
All I want is to be with him x
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Hi Kel2, please talk to your GP, you do need your sleep. (We need 8 hours each night.) - Take care, - Nick
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Hi @Nick22 thank you, I have an appointment beginning of March. I know it’s not good, I’m coping (kind of) x
@ Kel, know exactly where you are coming from, (haven’t been on in awhile as sorting so much out) I so don’t want this life anymore more, it’s not the one I chose. I haven’t been able to stop crying most of today & my heart is breaking. There is nothing in my life to live for anymore & it kills me I can’t do anything about it, so wish I could just go naturally and be with her!! (Moderators - I’m not going to kill myself so don’t need the message). Just wish like some, to die of a broken heart!!
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Gosh Emz I do understand totally how you feel .To not wake up would take our pain away but I know my hubby and son who I grieve for would be telling me to live my life.So bloody hard without them.I cry everyday .Their love for me my love for them I miss their presence so much.But like you I dont intend to do anything silly but to live the rest of my life without ever seeing them again is unbearable.Lots of love and hugs to you xxx
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Yes it is so very unbearable. Love & peace to you xx
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Thank you @Emz … I’m the same, not been on here for a while … Today has been my biggest meltdown.
Just wish things would end for me now x
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You aren’t - this the reality of this hellish new existence and not knowing how to deal with it xxx
Hi Charm
You said it
It’s just hell and yes an existence with ‘acting’
Xx
You would think that after 6 mos I might feel a glimmer of feeling better. Instead I not only don’t feel any better but worse. I think it is the reality of everything really taking hold. I feel like a robot, just going thru the motions of life. I do chores, but not like I used to. Went grocery shopping today and all I could think of was the foods my husband enjoyed. He is infused in every single aspect of my life, and why wouldn’t he be. We were soulmates, did everything together. Life is miserable. He had Alzheimer’s, and I keep going over the last couple of years of his life, our life together. If I could find a place to rest those thoughts, maybe, just maybe I could start to feel a little better. That time was so heart wrenching and devastating. I know exactly what he would want for me. I don’t see a path to get there. What a journey we are all on. I am grateful to have all of you on this site.
Peace and love, Karen
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