@Karetired
I suspect you have a lot of grief also from watching your darling husband suffering for those years before his death. You probably had to hold a lot in during that time in order to keep going so maybe it’s still hard to release it now. I do hope you can get some peace in your heart soon.
Love
Karen xxx
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Karen: you are so right. During that time I had so many decisions to make. I had to put him in memory care for his safety. That about killed me. I brought him home with hospice 5 weeks before he died. He was no longer able to walk, so his safety was no longer a concern. So much happened between the time he went into memory care his coming home. I had the advantage of being a retired R.N., so I knew how to navigate the medical system. I wanted him to die at home. And it was of paramount importance to be with him at the end of his life. I promised him we would journey this together, and nothing was going to keep me from that promise. I realize not everyone can make that happen, but I could. Watching him suffer was unbearable. To go from him being a CFO, an avid reader, chess player (won the club championship), very good golfer, someone who enjoyed life, but most importantly like all of your loved ones, he adored and loved me above all else. My emotional strength is gone. As far as his care, bringing him home toward the end of his life was the beat decision I have ever made, except the glorious day I said “I do”.
Love and peace. Karen
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Hi Karetired
Yes as suggested I think we all on here have kept it together when going through what we’ve gone through with our loved ones
Personally I never ever once thought what life would be like without Paul
He always said ‘ we’ve got a plan ( treatment) we’ll get through it
I never thought once we wouldn’t get through it and also I don’t think our minds allow us to go there
29 weeks for me and like you I’m far worse
It’s the realisation this is my life forever
Paul once said early last year it’s hardest for the folk left …… I didn’t answer couldn’t answer
Too right it’s horrendous
Tears again all day today
A friend came over she asked about last weekend Nephew Simon’s awards do …… I said I just wanted the floor to open up underneath me on the night, but the whole event journey there and back hotel room etc etc was horrible
She looked at me as if I was daft and asked ‘why’
Yes she’s a ‘friend’
To repeat myself again
Folks just don’t get it……… unfortunately tho one day it’ll happen to them
Hugs all round
Thank you for being here
Xx
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Hi @Emz. I’ve had a really hard afternoon and evening. Given myself headache with all the crying. I feel exactly the same as you at the moment. I really don’t want this new life. I’ll never get used to it. Big cuddle to you xx. Jean.
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@Karetired ,
I totally get why you had a tough time putting your husband in memory care but also that you wanted him home as soon as you could. I know I would have done the same in your shoes. I’m a physio by profession and even that gives some insight in to how to arrange things and we did it for my MIL when she was in her last days. Your profession and love combined will have meant he had the absolute best care.
All that leaves so much emptiness though as your time was filled even more with him. You and others in your situation, not only have the usual hollowness of losing your soulmate, but the sudden blank hours to fill somehow.
For people in my situation, sudden death with no illness, it is the opposite in time problem. I have so much to do that I don’t know if I’m coming or going some days. I’m doing my jobs and the ones my very hardworking husband did.
Neither is easier than the other, just different.
Hugs to all xxx
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@Bess1 What a ridiculous question. Any major event - even minor ones come to that - are traumatic to go through without our husbands / wives / partners by our sides. You did amazingly to go in my eyes.
Hugs xxx
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Many hugs to you @Jean8
Yes, the headache from tears is recognisable I’m sure to many of us.
Hope today is better. xxx
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Hi Karen F
Thank you for your reply
I didn’t want to go at all and said no to his mum Clare but then Simon rang me weeks later and caught me off guard and I said yes
but we are so fond of Simon Paul would’ve of encouraged me to go but……
I’ll never do it again it just emphasised my aloneness
If I’d known I’d feel totally horrendous and a spare part I would never have gone
TBF we don’t look a spare part as whose to know except family Paul has passed away
But as you say it’s what we feel, whats inside us making us ache all the time, what’s in our heads constantly…… and yes I could’ve punched Linda’s lights out!
You certainly see folk in a different light when the chips are down
Don’t we all know it
Hugs to all this lifeless Friday
Omg weekend looming
Xx
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KarenF. Thank you so much for your kind response. I have been second guessing everything since his death, dissecting everything I did. Silly, because I can’t change a thing. The one thing I know for sure is that everything I did was out of pure love for him. On one of his final days, he looked at me and said “you do so much”. Those words echo in my brain. My beautiful sweet man.
You are right I was so busy with him I visited him every day. And you know I never thought of it as something I had to do or as a duty. I wanted to go and couldn’t wait to get there. It is sad how many of these folks have no one come to be with them, or rarely come.
Losing someone suddenly is a jolt of a different kind, yet we end up together in this impossible agonizing journey of grief together.
Thank you again for responding. It helped.
Peace and love, Karen
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I was lucky I was with my husband 24/7 for over 3 years. We got through major illnesses and had very good times and outings. The last month he was in hospital and they let me sleep in his room so we were always together and I I did everything that needed to be done for him.
I am totally distraught and really struggling now xxx
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@Charm im really sorry you are struggling. I too have had a very bad day today. Cried for most of it. Living without him just seems impossible at the moment. I wish I could offer words of comfort to everyone but I’m so down at the moment I can’t think of anything. Love to you all. Jean xx.
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I am glad you were with your husband at the end of his life. I can’t imagine the anguish during the height of Covid when loved ones couldn’t be together. For me it was a privilege and honor to do my husbands care. I never gave it a second thought. I bet you felt the same way. I know some people aren’t able to do this. As a nurse, retired now, I saw many families hesitate to provide care. I would always try to get them involved if even in a small way. For me no one was going to keep me from providing care for my sweetheart. I am grateful for that.
Love and peace, Karen
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Sat next to Viv for 3 days after they sent her home from hospital, glad I was there for her and to be there at the end. Hard to cope with I know, but that was the good side of it from my point of view, to be there with her.
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I understand. I was with my wife when she passed 15 weeks ago today. I felt then that it was a privilege and it is still a comfort to me but I cannot recall that moment without tears.
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Nor me, I have tears now replying and reading others replies. It helps to let it out though. Take care…
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I thought i was dealing with things but the last 3 days have been hard. 14 weeks in. Money situation is up in the air. Waiting on life assurance that doesn’t want to pay out. Worried about losing my home. Evil step kids and so much lonliness.
Its so scary. Im also upset i never got to speak to my Husband when i knew it was serious.
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I’m so lucky that my step children are 100% there for me when my own children aren’t. Be brave JaneD, things will get better. Speak to him when you are on your own and at your lowest. Look for signs that you didn’t even know about, I have and they are there. Best wishes and take care
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Jane - devastated to hear all that. Love and kisses to you with all my heart xxx
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I am so sorry to hear about your own children - that is not right. We are all with you though and goodness knows we all desperately need the support from each other. Xxx
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I’ll get used to it because this is how it has been for a long time. My kids don’t want to know me but my step kids (and their kids) are my reason to live because they know that I am here for them if they need me. I’ll never let them down.
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