Charm
I agree with your sentiments completely. It’s over two years of loss for me. I don’t cry so much and I do get involved with the U3A but I don’t think I will ever get past the loss of my darling husband. I am so lost without Paul and I can’t see it changing. Love to all.
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@Charm I know how that feels. Nearly 3 years later I have started to cook again instead of living off ready meals. It is a life changer for me, I used cook for up to 10 but find it hard to cook for one.
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Hi All
Cliche I know but we all feel the same
I don’t eat properly I have a bought sandwich every day
Not hungry can’t be bothered cooking
Cook for 1 …… no
And yes everyday is a challenge
Folks think cos they see me dressed in the car at the churchyard ‘she’s ok’
We all know it’s so not true
Acting that’s what we do
My mate has just rung she’s 70 on 18th March having a party at local cricket club I’m invited
How do I tell her no
I’ve said I’ll go if I can ……… but not making any promises
Know now tho I’m not going to go haven’t got over Simon’s award do on the 4th feb feeling alone it was just horrible
I’m not putting myself through it
All sues friends are our friends it would be horrendous folk asking how I am or making polite conversation
Nah even tho I hear Paul saying go for Sue
I just can’t do it
Sue knows how I am and will hopefully understand
I hope
The last time we went to the cricket club was sues sons wedding do in September 2018 …… yes with Paul
Painful memories
But I have to think about myself……
That’s the problem tho myself only me
Like all of us
I need to get through Thursday
Sorry for moan
Take care
Xx
PS no pancakes tonight another painful night
It’s a wonder I’m not a size 8!
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I am so sorry for the hurt you feel. I so know that cooking for one (after 20 years of cooking for ten, children and grandchildren) is so difficult. After over 2 years on bland ready meals I am starting to get back into it. No pancakes for me either, I seem to have gone off meat as well and mostly eat fish or pasta! It’s a very difficult journey we have to go on but make sure you eat ok? Doing what you can for yourself, however difficult is what keeps us going. Stay with us and we will be there for you. x
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@Bess1 I am a firm believer that you should do whatever you want and feel you can do. Don’t worry about what others will think. I have learned it doesn’t matter. I was doing some yard work out front and my neighbor walked across ( she is an idiot) and said you must be doing better. I replied actually I am not. I will never be better. She then proceeded to give me a tutorial on grieving. I barely said a word, except people that haven’t been through this don’t get it. I kept hearing my husband say “tell her you are busy and have to go”. So that is exactly what I did. People see you with your hair combed and have clothes on therefore assume we’ll look at her, or him, must be ok now. Again just do what you feel is right for you and no one else. You are who is important one now.
Peace and love, Karen
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I am pleased that you have got this far John. I live on toast, Eccles cakes and cream eggs. I used to cook everything from scratch. I just don’t have the heart for anything else anymore.
I guess I don’t feel important enough to myself to bother. I used to use body lotion every day and stopped that when I lost him on 26th December- I had used it every day since I was 16 and I am now 64. There are numerous things I used to do every day but that I have now stopped since I lost him and lost my whole world.
Nothing seems relevant or important anymore even though I have family members that I love dearly it is not enough and not him. I resent happy people who have lives like I used to.
I feel pointless and useless without a purpose- he was my purpose and the person I shared absolutely everything with.
How do I ever fill that gap even in a small way? Xx
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Hi All
Yes charm I feel exactly the same
I get up
I go to be
Inbetween no purpose at all
Garden cos it fills the time
I actually like gardening Paul loved to see the garden tidy I have started this week but my head is still spinning thinking this that or the other
My ‘mate rang me last week
Are you still down!
Hello this is grief this is me in pain hurting never to be the same ever again
My whole purpose like you for living was Paul
I’m not going to sues party to put on an act
She said she’d ask our Clare sister in law if that would help
Hello sue it’s what I feel inside
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Sorry not finished
Yes I resent anybody getting on with life
A normal life
Like what we all had
Sorry poor English!
Xx
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I decided to go to our workout club today. My husband and I used to go 4-5 times a week once we moved and retired. I was riding the stationary bike, the one next to me was empty. I looked over and imagined my husband riding, looking at me with the sweetest smile just as he used to do. The pain and agony of missing him permeates every single aspect of my life. I know everyone can relate.
Love and peace, Karen
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That must of been heart breaking, seeing the empty bike xx
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Well done Karentired for going
Xx
Thank you Bess for responding - it means a lot xx
Hello everyone. Just reading all this evening’s posts. I’ve stopped cooking as regularly as I used to. My daughter and son-in-law have covid at the moment and my son’s wife has broken her ankle in 3 places and cannot weight bare. My son has been running around looking after her, the two children and the house as well as working (WFH luckily as self employed) and my other daughter works full time with 3 young children and is poorly so I have been cooking the odd meal for all of them and taking it round. This gives me a reason to cook and to eat a little better. They cooked meals for me and brought them round every single night for the first few weeks after we lost their dad. As for housework….sod it, I’ll do it when I can be bothered. The pain hit again tonight and it’s agony when that happens. I really am struggling to adjust to this life that’s been forced upon us. Yes I think if people see you up and dressed they assume all is well. What do they expect? We can’t be on our knees wailing morning, noon and night much as we may want to. @Karetired, that stupid neighbour of yours sounds a joy. Tell her to put a sock in it. Love to all and I hope you get some sleep. Jean.
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@Jean8 Funny how life conspires sometimes to bring us purpose. Sounds like you are really needed now. I’m up as I’m on night shift with my new grandson so my son can sleep and get to work tomorrow. I’ve just changed his nappy and given him to his mum to feed. When she’s finished I’ll wind him. Then hopefully an hour or two shuteye. This doesn’t take away the pain of missing my wife and I have time out periods in the day when the wave washes over me. Hope you get some sleep xx
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Hi @Mike75. I absolutely adore new born babies. You’re so lucky to have a beautiful new grandchild and you’re obviously a lovely granddad. We have 10 grandchildren and there won’t be any more. Have to wait for the ‘greats’ to come along now, God willing. The nearest I’ve got to night feeds before I lost David was getting up a couple of times a night to feed any baby hedgehogs I was hand rearing. I loved it. Hope you get some sleep now too x.
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@Jean8 Wow ten is a lot of birthdays. I’ll be lucky if I get one more as my daughter had so much trouble having hers. My son thinks it’s easy so he might try for another but I’ll have to explain that he might have to do some more of the work! xx
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@Mike75 a new precious little baby. Wonderful. Sure this sweet little being will and already has brought smiles to your face. You deserve that. So glad for you.
Karen
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@Bess1 @Skip thank you for your support. It was hard to go work out. I am looking for something, anything.
Karen
I will be thinking of you.
Love and peace, Karen