Agreeing with you @Karetired about grief being tiring. Before Richard died I was often up until near midnight but now I struggle to stay up much beyond 10pm. I sleep more than I used to (I have fibromyalgia which affects your sleep) yet I’m still tired.
Sending love xxx
@Charm
I have heard that we don’t ‘get over it’ but learn to live with our grief and loss. I use my desire to make my husband proud of me as my motivation to keep going.
It is nine months now since I lost him and it is easier than at the beginning. Still cry a fair bit but I do laugh too. Sometimes feel guilty if I don’t cry - we are all very good at beating ourselves up aren’t we?
Hi K
I visit him twice a day to have a chat and I talk to him round the house always hoping to hear him. I definitely think he is around me as I often get the feeling of being guided when there is a problem.
I am normally a very strong person and have often acted as an advocate and taken cases and fought for many things especially round my husband and his health. Now I feel weak without power or control as none of us have any. I know that everyone we know will go through this at some point and then understand but that is little consolation now xx
Fortunately my husband was always proud of me and we devoted 24/7 to looking after each other and being together for the last 3 and half years. We did absolutely everything together. He also knew what I would be like if something ever happened so I know he would never judge me xx
I have severe arthritis sand I am quite frankly knackered mentally and physically xx
So hard.
Sending gentle hugs @Charm
I didn’t mean to suggest for a second that your husband would judge you. 
Hi All
It is 27 weeks on Sunday since Paul passed away and I’m still struggling big time
I was talking to a friend we’ve known for over 45 years today
He asked how I was I said I was struggling and he said I’m not surprised you and Paul were joined at the hip
Like all of us on here I suspect
I cry I talk to Paul I tell him stuff but boy it’s not the same
I feel alone bereft empty numb I just stumble through the day I’m no ‘better’ now than I was when he first passed away
In fact worse the sheer realisation I won’t speak to him or ring him or …… the list goes on
I was also a strong person, I was strong because I had Paul by my side
My heart goes out to you all and I’m sorry for a depressing post but the truth is I am depressed totally
Take care everyone
Xx
Bess its so hard being without our loved ones. We all thought we would be together forever and grow old . Its dreadful to think we will never see them again never have a cuddle or a kiss goodnight. When my husband first died i was still expecting him to walk in door and it was all a bad dream, but one day you realise he’s not coming back and this is my life now. I remember sitting in chair thinking well is this it now, is this all i have now. Life is so cruel .
Morning Misprint
Exactly that’s how I still feel
Paul will come through the door or be here when I come back or I will have his work clothes to wash or I’ll walk to the farm to him or he’ll drive in in his van or he’ll be in bed when I go up the stairs …. Or or or
And yes a cuddle
It’s as if my mind won’t comprehend reality
Friends comprehend Paul’s died but I can’t
I’m so lonely without him like our friend said yesterday we were joined at the hip
Everyone here knows what I mean
I just can’t see a ‘way forward……
as you say this is it and it’s shit (sorry!)
Big hugs
Xx
Bess I am with you 100% of the way - I can honestly see no way forward and I have meticulously planned and paid for everything in the last few weeks down to the minutest details including a song. We never did any of this before as it was too painful to discuss and we had no children. I have done labels for all the things I want to go to certain people and want definitely needs to be auctioned as it is part of my will as part of the house sale.
I feel that our love is already eternal. I have paid and planned my funeral and will etc as we had never done it. Rob is in a green burial site and I have to be cremated in order to go in the same plot. I ordered the plaques and have written pages of instructions about everything. It will be humanist and my ashes will be buried near his left hand side.
I put my wedding ring on him and tons of pictures and letters from everyone. He wore his Buddy Holly tshirt.
My jewellery and his wedding ring that I wear will go in with pictures after my cremation as the jewellery melts and they keep it!
I feel most at home at the burial site to be honest.
Love and hugs to you. Xx wish we could all meet up in person but haven’t a clue where anyone is xx
Hi Charm
We find ourselves in this horrendous situation
All I describe myself at the end of a day is’ I got through it’
I feel as if I’m an Oscar actress yes friends know I’m struggling but they dont feel my pain
See my pain when I’m in bed crying and cuddling Paul’s Rab coat
They don’t see the hurt all around the house
Or Paul’s clothes all where they should be hung up on their hangers or his shoes waiting for him
His watch still on his bedside table
Me ‘lost’ at home
Like you I wish we could meet up
No one knows where we live but we all share our pain and speak freely
That helps
Lolxx
I’m so sorry, @Bess1. I’ve had a dreadful day today. I seem to have done nothing but cry. When I have days like this, everything I look at around the house is like a searing pain that sets me off. I’d love to meet up with some of the folk on here. It’s a shame we live so far away. There are no bereavement groups in my town. Sending love and strength to you all xx. Jean.
@Jean8 sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I haven’t got any support groups around my area either it wrong xx
How do we get through this, it’s so very hard & painful?
Some people say it gets easier with time then others say they are still the same years after, I really can bear this!!
Emz
I lost my Husband 30th oct. 13 weeks today. Some days i feel stronger but others like to day i think whats the point. I hate the fact my new normal is alone without him. I used to love Sundays, now they are the worst day.
@Emz we all have similar grief feelings, the weight on certain days in are life going forward is going to be really heavy. On these days, weeks, you need ti reach out and talk to other groups to get through these days. As grief is a very personal horrendious pain i have found having a safe place (for me us by the sea) to try and reduce the pain, but the tears still flow mate.
Allen2. Me too the sea calls me. I have been twice since losing my Husband. I feel calm watching the waves.
I have a friend who lost her husband in 2006. I have found comfort when talking to her. I appreciate her honesty. She has said the pain will never go away, but in time you will find a place for it to rest. She said she misses her husband everyday. But she reminds me that my beloved husband would want me to go on. His motto in life was “always move forward and be happy”. Problem is I don’t know how to do that without him. He died almost 6 mos ago. There is a saying I read that I felt is so true:
Grief has 2 faces, one where you pretend everything is ok, and the other where your heart silently screams out in pain.
For me everything will never ever be ok. I agonize everyday.
I wish all of us peace and love
Karen
Hi @JaneD. It’s just over 11 weeks for me. I’m having days where I’m stable but yesterday was horrific. I just couldn’t stop crying I was missing him so much. Like your Sundays, I used to love Saturdays but now all days are the same, just one long dragging fight to get through. Big cuddle to you. Jean xx.
Same for me - I am just a mess. First night in our bed at home xx