I did not sleep in my bed for a while after my husband passed away i am now but still finding it so hard knowing he is never going to be beside me again
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@JaneD I just think I don’t want to carry on with life, without doing everything with her. The weekends we used to shut ourselves off to the world and now they’re just other days without her!
@Allen2 yes ironically I find the nights I’m more calm, don’t know if it’s because she’s her with me (if you believe in that kind of thing), it’s just something about the dark nights; as soon as the morning comes, it’s like hell sets in all over again!
@Karetired the 2 faces analogy is so true & like you know life will never be ok again & it is constant agony!
Does anyone else feel the same, like life has turned into a nightmare or horror movie that you can’t get out of? I feel like this on a daily basis?
Peace & Love to all 
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Emz
I understand. It was exactly the same with me and my Husband. We were always together. We just loved shutting the door and snuggling up in front of the tv. Or having a cuppa or glass of wine. Always together. Soulmates.
Now its just me. Half of a whole. Always lonely. Trying to get through another day just to have to do the same again the next day.
I have 2 children but they have their own lives.
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Hi All
I totally agree with everything I’ve read tonight and it’s so true what Karetired said about the grief as I mentioned earlier we are or have become actors and actresses……… no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and that is so right
I think the reality of it all losing our soulmates is something we will all never get used to
As mentioned previously we just learn to ‘sit it’
Who knows when …. In my case probably never
Tears are ‘there ‘ all the time and then suddenly from nowhere I have bursts of uncontrollable tears and panic…. Does anyone else have these utter outpouring of grief…… and yes reality
Take care everyone
Xx
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Bess1: oh yes, sobbing where it is hard to catch my breath. A constant agonizing sadness. After 6 mos I think the realization has hit me that his physical being is not coming back. I truly truly believe he is with me,I can feel him. But that is a far cry from seeing his smile hearing his laugh, touching him on and on and on. So until we are together again, and I have to believe we will be, I have to settle for knowing he is with me in spirit.
Love and peace, Karen
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Yes @Bess1 the uncontrollable panic I know it well & tears have been shed daily since she left me! xx
@Karetired a lot say they can feel their beloved’s presence but I don’t, I so wish I did, I do believe she keeps me calm sometimes but I can’t feel her hear. I only wish I could have a sign from her in some way to know she’s out there somewhere & I will be reunited one day!! xx
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@Emz @Bess1 @Karetired @JaneD literally uncontrollable sobbing and panic that comes right from my stomach. One of my daughters often says she can’t breathe for it. I feel like the days are just to be got through. No real joy or pleasure. It feels now like I’m just filling in time until I’m with him again. We used to love just being in each other’s company. I used to say to him I didn’t care what we did so long as I had him. Now I haven’t and it’s bloody unbearable. Love to you all xx. Jean.
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@Jean8 know exactly where you’re coming from!! She used to ask me what I wanted for my birthday or Christmas & I used to say I don’t want or need anything as long as I’ve got you & I so meant it, I only ever wanted her in my life, it kills me she’s gone and I’m so young & have so many years to have to wait until I’m with her again xx
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Yes. I also have far too many years ahead of me without him (presumptuous I know). 11 weeks has been too long. It just still seems so unreal. I’m sure I haven’t quite grasped it yet. This is something that happens to other people not me xx.
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Emz. I absolutely understand what you are saying. We would always say to each other all we need is each other. So very true.
But she is with you. Open your heart and mind and trust. I have said a couple of times on this blog and I strongly believe that two soul’s intertwined in love cannot be separated. She is there, everywhere. Trust
In peace and love
Karen
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I keep hoping I will wake up and it was just a dream and everything will be back the what it was. Why can’t we all meet? This virtually created world is just as bad.
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I totally agree that we cannot be separated when our souls and love were so strongly aligned eternally. We had the perfect marriage and always will xxx
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Hi
I’m with you all in everything you say
I was talkingto a friend last week and she said I’d accepted Paul’s passing
What!
Does she mean I’m up dressed and functioning ( or seen to be)
The horrific pain I have ( as we all have) is not even remotely describeable to anyone who hasn’t experienced it
I want Paul
I miss Paul
End of
All I can say outside we can act
Inside devastation!
Hugs to everyone
Xx
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I just want my Bean - that’s all I want ever. My everything xx
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Ah i always said that to my Bri, when he asked me what i wanted for Christmas, i said just you, thats all i want and need. He passed on 17 wks ago and it seems to be getting harder. Keep asking myself whats the point!!
Im only 48, I cant bear to spend the rest of my life without him I wish he would take me with him.
Not sure who said about the sea, but i also find it comforting.
Love and peace to you all xx
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Hi Skip. It was me that said about the sea.
I scattered some of Mikes ashes in it. I wanted to jump in after them x
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Totally get it Bess
Short of staying in bed and dying of a broken heart we get up and showered and dress to face another lonely day and people just assume you are doing ok. How long does it take to have any sort of life again. I count the days. 3 months today for me. 13 weeks. 92 days. Am i getting more used to it, yes. Will i ever not be heartbroken, no. X
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I think when you meet people for coffee, showered and dressed they say that your doing so well, but inside your heart is forever broken. If they are good friends they will see the sorrow behind our fake smiles.
@JaneD i get that about jumping in after your lovely Mike. I still have my Bri’s ashes at home.
Love to all x
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Hi
Yes folks assume don’t they but to be fair do they always want to see us upset
When asked how I am I say struggling and even that is hard to say without my voice wobbling and losing it
I fear if we open our heart folks and yes some friends will run a mile because
1 they haven’t been in this situation
2 they don’t know what to say
My mum for example has never ever asked how I am or whatever
I’ve come to the conclusion she can’t handle the answer so she doesn’t ask the question
Don’t talk about it and it’ll go away …… mind she is 90 …. Old school thinking!
But my heart aches
The what ifs
If we’d done that
We should’ve done this
Why didn’t I do……
The list is endless and oh so bloody painful
2hours and I’ll be in bed
Safer with Paul’s rab and yes crying my eyes out again!
Lolxx
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It’s incredible how we all feel exactly the same and probably always will. Everyone says they wish they could take my pain away but they have no idea how intense and savage my pain is. I feel like a zombie walking around avoiding most places that we used to go to.
I am still in shock as for me it is only just over 4 weeks but feels like a lifetime. We did everything together hardly a moment apart and a huge part of me is now gone and I can never get it back.
I visit him twice a day and tell him everything. How do any of us deal with this loss - it is so enormous. Xx
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