My husband passed recently in July this year August would have been our wedding anniversary it was the worse day ever I could not wait for the day to end. To top it off I had an appointment to transact some important paper work around his affairs It was horrible.
Having to sort out my husband’s personal effect has and still is really hard.
Saturday I went to my first family social event without my husband i thought it would be good for me to get out however I wish I had just stayed at home I felt so uncomfortable and very lonely I did not enjoy myself I was glad when it was time to go home to my safe place.
I wish I could delay Christmas as I am really not looking forward to it as christmas has always been a big family event I am also dreading all the other first such as including his birthday in January the fist year of his death my birthday and the list goes on.
The pain is so unbearable and feeling so lost especially trying to figure out how to go through this new chapter of my life without my soul mate.
I know how you must be I lost my husband last may it was such a shock at first but I have a lovely family that support me and I am now getting out and about but still miss him .I had my youngest son’s wedding and it was awful he wasn’t there in August very emotional I do walk and talk with the hospice to meet people every two weeks .
Im the same my hubby the 11th july and i dont have any grandkids to make it a bit easier for me and my son is 32yrs old and works as a supervisor so works long hours and dreading xmas as we used to just give my son money and a couple of gifts he doesnt know about and i dont have any friends and sit in door locked curtains closed as suffer with agrophobia and all my 7 siblings all have cars and a ten minute drive from me but since alans funeral the 6th august only one brother comes round and the others just give excuses they are ill then post on facebook them all getting together but dont think of me as im ok to go from my front door to taxi to theirs as i have to wear headphones and sunglasses and look down but they all know i can but sending u love and always on facebook to if anybody wants a chat i live in banbury Oxfordshire
Dear Mazzy: I’m so sorry that you’re going through such a terrible period now. But we all are, if that’s any comfort. I’m also so sorry that your family has turned away from you. Perhaps they are unable to deal with your grief. Maybe they don’t know what to say, how to behave with you now. How silly is that, when all you want is their love and company during this horrific time. I hope being on this site will bring you some comfort. We are all here for you, ready to listen so vent all you want
Barbara
I am so sorry for your loss. We have two more firsts to through, both are birthdays, none of them get any easier. I still haven’t sorted out clothes etc, I can’t bring myself to do it yet, but I know I need to do it to move forward. I think I may do this over Christmas. The sorting out the finances is hard at a time when you are just not thinking straight. I really feel for you as I know how hard that is. My hubby was security conscious so the difficulty we went through with passwords just made everything harder. The only good thing is that is does get sorted in the end, it’s just so tiring. Thinking of you x
Oh Mazzy I am sorry you are feeling so low. It’s a pity your siblings are not supporting you. I have found that people move on with their lives, and don’t know how to deal with grief. Keep coming on this site, everyone will listen and understand where you are. It’s a hard journey but you will get there x
Viv3 yes it can be painful sorting my husband’s out clothes and finances but I chose to do it right away as I know it would have been harder if I prolonged it I still have more things to do and there are things that I know friends and family would like which is still unfortunately at home as I sometimes have to force myself to get out I have seen my sister but not gone to visit her there are too many memories in her home of my husband as they were very close.
As I said before I am not looking forward to the first especially his birthday as mine is three months after his.
You said you might sort out the clothes over Christmas I hope you will be alright I hear you about the passwords especially if there are different passwords however I am just so grateful that my husband only had two passwords that he used for most of his financial transactions.
Thank you as ive not been able to do hubbys clothes as his jeans he was going to change into after his shower are still on the bed where he left them on the morning of the 11th july and still havent slept in the bed since then either
I know how you feel I lost my wife almost a year ago .like you said you don’t want to burden someone else but you need to talk to some one . I did not and it took its toll I had a heart attack 12 weeks ago. Please talk to someone
Sorry to hear that. I just find it really hard to. I just get on with the numb days and would rather spend time on my own. I dont wnt my friends around me that sounds horrible i know its just how im dealing with it. Xx
I hear and understand how you feeling I lost my husband 2months ago I was running on adreline with organising his funeral where I had family and friends around me however people don’t seem to understand after the event that’s when you really need them.
When I had to start sorting out his clothes and his affairs especially on the day 16th August which would have been out wedding anniversary was the worse day ever.
I hear you about the burdening others including friends I wanted to lock myself away but it got to the point I realised I had to talk to someone and get emotional and mental help so I am in bervement counselling which was the best thing ever along with being on this sight.
I am now on what I call a rollacoster sometimes it can be rough but I just go with ride.
I came across this sight 3weeks ago after listening to Lisa Riley from Emmerdale on the podcast about her greif 9years after the death of her mother it felt like she was speaking to me directly which lead me to this sight that I have found so helpful and very supportive.
We are all here for each other and for you I have found this is a place where I can share my feelings and be myself so anytime you want a chat or feeling overwhelmed we are are always here.
Thank you. Sorry for your loss . I think my brain has shut down from thinking about my brother because its too much so when i start talkin to people(via text) about him i break down, and dont know how to handle it so then its like my brain shuts down again. I know its a trauma that we go through and everyone handles it differently. And i feel like it’ll hit me tenfold down the line and i wont cope.
Xx
I still break down when speak to people about my husband yes you want to be in control when this happens but it is not worth it just let it go or it will get harder along the way I found it is apart of my healing and also releasing some of the pain during my grieving process
I am spending Xmas with my daughter and family this year .this will be my second Xmas without my husband .I would have been married 39 years on Friday on our anniversary. I will be thinking about him .I have joined a widow club which I go to every Thursday it’s nice just talking to people and meeting new friends .
Hi LUMCHMORE, This will be my first Christmas without my husband who died in July, honesty I am really not looking forward to Christmas this year along with all the other firsts especially January 2022 which would have been his birthday.
I have been trying to find a widows club but still not found one yet maybe you can point me in the right direction as I know this would also help me to speak to others who understand and know about the grief of loosing a loved one, I am so tired of being judged and told what I should and should not do.
People should not be judging you at all! you are grieving and hurting, no one will ever understand how you are feeling unless they have been through it themselves, joining a widows club sounds like a great idea, at least you will be with others who really understand what you are going through, sharing your thoughts, hopes and fears with others who are in the same situation will hopefully help you make sense of things (if that is possible) don’t allow people to drag you down, be kind to yourself, nothing is your fault, we all have a long road ahead in our grieving process and it won’t be easy, but, with the help and support of others hopefully we can all find a way of getting to the stage where we can find some kind of peace of mind, sending you best wishes.
The club I belong to is just a weekly club and with the pandemic they haven’t a lot of members at the moment I also belong to Oddfellows which is all over Great Britain you pay membership yearly and they have a lot of events my nearest one is Bexhill on sea and Tunbridge Wells I have met a lot of people through this .
