Hi
I would think he understands how you’re feeling as he lost this wife and that’s why he said about taking it slow.
You like his company and the one thing we are all looking for is someone who understands how we’re feeling, talk to him!
just be honest and open and see where it goes, you’ll know in time and give yourself permission to have a life, that’s what our loved ones would want for us x
I did not lose a partner, but I lost a son. He was only 26 and it happened suddenly and it crushed me. I will say it seems like it gets harder the longer it goes on and I’m a very outgoing person and do go to the light and get outside as much as I can.
I had somebody help me through this tragedy. He was a new friend of just 2 dats and over the last 6 months he helped tremendously. He has become very, very close to me. He wants to be intimate. And the best way I can explain it is. I have too many broken arrows in my heart. I have no room for any other emotion. Adding the emotion of a relationship into my already full emotional heart is not possible. I noticed once I asked him to back off and just be friends, no kissing, no intimacy, I started to feel better. Yes, I felt lonely because he wasn’t around as much but, sores I had in my mouth went away and in general my health got better and I am a healthy person to begin with. So this was really wonderful to see this change. It told me that I was doing the right thing.
Pacing it slowly, our pace is the only pace and it’s different for everyone. And for those around us who don’t understand it, it doesn’t matter. It’s up to us to take care of ourselves our crisis. We really just need friends at this point.
A male friend can offer a lot of warmth and companionship if they can just leave the sex alone. And I like sex, but this is not possible at this time. We have too much grief.
Aw … kind words and i heve a male friend too who i think a lot about. And youre right its good to have male friends … puts a different perspective on things doesnt it ? And yeh u can only do what you can do and no point pushing it … friends is good and we need all the friends we can get dont we at this stage dont we. Take care xx
@Eldento
Your post sounds so similar to my situation, and dare I say, my thought process. I also lost my darling wife about 6 months ago, after an 18 month illness. We knew her disease was incurable but managed to retain some quality of life together for several months. It also allowed us to have some very frank and deep discussions about how I would cope after she had gone. These were not pleasant discussions, obviously, but I felt it was so brave and selfless of her to do so and I have found those conversations have helped to guide me in many ways as I continue without her. She would tell me I was good “husband material” to lighten the mood slightly when the conversations got too dark and always persisted that she wanted me to continue to find some happiness after she was gone. We were together for 37 years since we met at 18/19 years old and have children and a whole history together as we built our relationship, our marriage and our family life - I cannot imagine meeting someone else and it developing into the relationship I had with my wife, it just does not compute with me. Apart from anything else, I am absolutely not ready to do so, although I think you do naturally consider various scenarios that might arise in the future or how your life might pan out in years to come.
I really liked your comment in your later post, “time does not heal, grief has to be lived with because it never goes away”. It sums up perfectly the horrible journey we find ourselves on.
Kindest wishes to you all.
Thank you for your thoughts and I know that sharing your story helps ‘get it off your chest’ so to speak and it also helps those that have recently started out on this long road of grief. I was approaching fifty when I met my Rosie and we always said we wished we’d met earlier but it wasn’t to be. Now at seventy five I to think about the future a lot. I don’t handle the loneliness very well at times but I have very good friends and neighbours and a couple of family members and a large extended family. Rosie and I had time to talk and she said to find someone and as I approach seven months of being alone I think about it more. Will it happen who knows! At fifty I didn’t think I’d ever marry again! It’s an old and simple saying but “little steps and one day at a time” is the way forward I think.
Just letting you know I’ve split this conversation into a new topic as @MemoriesOfUs had been a little worried it had gone off topic. 
Perhaps splitting it wasn’t such a great idea as everyone has stopped commenting now!