@Deb5 I think we should be glad they went before anything as awful as dementia happened to them. That was one of my husbands greatest fears. We watched my mother over 15 years with Alzheimers until she died of it. I can’t say I’d like him back with dementia, as I know he didn’t want that. Dementia is a living death in my book and I really feel for your friend and what she has to come. And she’ll lose him finally.
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I know but at least he is here … 
i would just like to see my husbands face and i know its tough for her but its tough for us as well … that’s all im saying ! That people need to remember that … nobody is more special than another in grief … she has a type of grief tbh … buti think for all us here … its much more final somehow …
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I agree. My mum has dementia & I looked after her for 5 years. It’s hard & demanding and although Bry would hate it I would selfishly have him back like that because I could still hug him , kiss him tell him how much I love him , even with no response from him , he would still be my Bry in my eyes.
Brys older brother has it now & it’s very sad but I’d swap places with his wife in a heartbeat 
xxxx
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Yeh thsts what i miss do much the hugs and talking to him … there are times i just feel so alone now … i never felt alone when we were together … in 37 years of knowing him … thats hard that is that emptiness i feel of not having somebody who knew me so well … xx
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@Deb5 @Pollyjane @Lonely
I’m the same. Whatever the illness I’d give everything to have him here with me in our home.
My Phil was poorly over the last 7 years. Sometimes very, very poorly, bladder cancer and removal of bladder and stoma surgery in 2015, respiratory failure that resulted spending a month in ICU in an induced coma in 2016. And then numerous hospital admissions several in the respiratory high dependency unit over the following years.
I lost count of the number of times I was told he wouldn’t make it…but he defied the odds so many times.
Despite being so very poorly, losing mobility and relying on me for everything, he wanted to carry on living.
He used to tell his consultant " I love my life and I want to carry on living as long as I can"
The last time he was in hospital , a month before we had to have the conversations about where he wanted to die. He chose home. And he got that wish, as for last week of his life the wonderful Mountbatten nurses , and community nurse team helped me make his last week, peaceful and happy.
Until the last week i combined working full time with caring for Phil full time.
( We never had carer help… It was eventually arranged the night before he died…so never got it)
I would give everything to have him here with me , doing all the things I had to do for him.
He was my brave little warrior, and he fought so so hard to stay alive for me.
Sorry for the very personal account .
I know we’ve all got our own very special stories.
Love and hugs to you all 
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Aw … what a lovely ovrly thing to say and me too i felt privalaged to look after my husband too ! Loved him so much x
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Oh what a beautiful story and similarities to mine in many ways the way you looked after him right until the end 
bless you xx
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Oh darling .lots of similarities… But my Phil was older than me , by 19 years!! I’m 57 (58 in July) , phil was 75 when he died last August (2months before his birthday)
He as lways believed he would get better, and so did I …
And another on common…
you might have seen me post on other feeds on this site…my Phill loved cars…his biggest incentive to get better in last 6 months was drive his mercedes again … He never managed it…and that was why having to sell it 6 months after he died was such a hard thing for me to do.
Lots of love and hugs
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To everyone here I send a big cyber hug. You’re right about Summer, the Sun & those damn dicky birds singing their happy songs just reinforces that our loved ones are gone. I look at my mum, lost without my Dad & I tell my brother it’s worse for her because Dad was the one she chose to invest her life in. On warm days he’d sit outside & if I helped with the garden, he’d watch & tell me where I was going wrong 
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@Lonely what wonderful memories you have. I laughed at your threats to cut his oxygen tubing. My parents had similar laughs together. They’re injokes that made sense only to them lol. On your profile I noticed you met your beloved in 64 just like my parents. I keep telling my mum how lucky she was to have my Dad for so long but she says somehow it’s worse now he’s gone. She has a rose bush he planted, which is surprising because he loved digging stuff up 
I’ll tell her to cut a few. Thankyou for sharing with me. X
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I’m waiting for some white climbing roses to bloom that my husband particularly liked. I shall bring a few at a time indoors for him.
No you are definitely not alone in feeling like this - I too loved our summer evenings together and now all I want is for winter to come so that I can shut out the world
It’s three years for me and it is still unbearable. Sorry! You have a long way to go but you will get through it, somehow. I have given up expecting it to feel better. I just try to enjoy whatever I can and be grateful for what we had, and the length of time we had it. Compared to some, I have got it easy (even though it doesn’t feel lke it to me!)
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Really ? well.im 6 months in and still devastated so doesnt suprise me ! Everything is hard ! And i dunno if i will ever go on holiday again cos i am not going alone and really not got anyone to go with either but it is what it is ! What the hell can you do ?.x
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They really are selfish your sons ! But my kids as bad ! What the hell is wrong with people ! Theres no common decency anymore ! Im sick of it ! People have just got worse and worse to the point of obscenity ! Im writing my kids out of my Will and giving it to charity cos they dont deserve it !!! Theyre probably not bothered cos their grandad is loaded so they be expecting it from him ! And he buys their affection with his money ! I cant abide him !!!
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Yep its not s very nice world is it ? I think covid has made people worse ! People have like you say got so bad tempered and angry ! ( and they havent lost their beloved husband’s like we have ) i would go back to 70’ s and 80’ as i cant remember the 60’ very well as thats when i was born ! It is an awful world ! There are still some good people , as you say , but there are also some very selfish ones i just dunno why these kids have no compassion anymore ? Our husbands would not be impressed i know that for sure !!! Xx
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Me too, Sheila! But you know that! xx
Yeh my parents were born in 1940 but my mother says she cant remember much about the war apart from having to go down to air raid shelter once ! Funny enough i just watched a prgoramme about ww2 its called:: vickl mcclure : my grandads war … ( you could probably get on itv catch up ! it was really moving actually ! Our family was most affected by ww1 because i had a great uncle who got killed in ypres and he was only 19 ! My nana could never talk about it ! It must’ve hurt them that much ! Awful
Maybe that’s why all the wallies in my family get it from cos none of them seem to wanna talk about my husband ???
Yes covid has made people worse i think 
xxx
Yeh i was same - happy with my husband ! He meant the world to me ! But thats what makes it all so unfair ! We were happy with our lot and now its all trauma and trying to survive … in my case a day at a time cos anymore is too hard to face xx
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