All i can say is thank you to you at this moment i have come on here today because i feel terrible its 2 years since i lost my husband on 20th june and i some how i feel like it was yesterday and no one seems to think your still hurting because the fake smile and k ow one ask how your doing any more most days i sort of dont care but this week also is our wedding anniversary today 24th then i come on here and find that you feel the same and i dont feel so guiltily for feeling the way i do i am finding it harder now then ever 2 years on
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Dear Rose
I know exactly how you feel as I lost my husband two years ago on the 18th June.
I’ve just had enough of feeling so sad and tears falling all the time. I just feel so alone ……. Family live far away and as you say, people expect that two years on you should be over it! In fact it seems like yesterday to me.
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Yesterday I had a meeting for a volunteer organization I am in and when this nice man I know asked me how I was, I said okay but have had some tough times after losing my mom and that my husband now has a feeding tube. I am lucky that he was sweet and shared that he lost both of his folks when he was in his twenties and had to deal with the bankrupty as well. I tell people how I feel sort of gently, like yesterday because I didn’t want to change the focus of this meeting. I hope you all can find someone who will listen and show love and care even if it is just for a few minutes. Yes; people can be very insensitive, but I do think you need to tell them you are struggling. (Sometimes they still act without concern!!) I no longer expect much from a group of friends we have who don’t act capable of reaching out to me even after I have said I am struggling numerous times. I am fortunate to have several people who are showing me lots of love, including my husband. I can’t imagine losing him and feel for all of you who have lost your life partner. Sending you love and hugs!!! I will also add that grief is different for everyone and each loss will feel different. Grief is a normal biological response and our brain has large adjustments to make!
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Thanks everyone for sharing and for helping me today! 
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Hi all
Yes thank you
When reading all your comments I am reassured I’m not losing the plot
Yes counsellor Claire has helped me I think but you are so right
Distraught frequently
Crying every single night since Paul passed 24th July 2022
I feel so alone
No one absolutely no one knew us like our partners did they unconditionally loved us for how we were
Like you I’m not ready to cherish memories I want to keep making them and the shit fact is that’s over and that with all the other grief us terrifying and utterly totally devastating
If you haven’t lost your soulmate you are very lucky
As I say I can count on one hand my friends who are supporting me but they aren’t there 24/7 and grief bloody hurts
Other ‘friends’ long gone
If things had been normal as today we would’ve been down the road for our 2 weeks holiday in our motorhome
Back ready for harvest hubby was a farmer
Life’s just shit
Xx
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@Scamp1 people really don’t understand at all. Even the ones that try really can’t grasp what it’s like. I have found the only ones that really understand are the people on here. Sadly a lot of our friends and family will experience it one day. Take care.
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@susie101 yeah I get that too. I honestly think it’s just ignorance. Like @Cathphil said I wish people would just say I know it’s awful and give you a hug. We just want them to understand our lives are totally destroyed. Take care
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Hi all. I haven’t posted on here for a long time now. I’ve just come back on and have read several posts that I can really resonate with. I lost my beloved husband two and a half years ago and am finding it even harder now. Initially I had a lot of support from various family members but it seems that everybody has gone back to being busy with their own lives and families. Maybe they think that after two years I should be okay now. Hardly anyone calls now and I spend days, weeks completely alone. My sons are married with kids, busy with work and their own families. I live in dread of weekends and bank holidays. The loneliness is a killer. On the occasions I get invited out I just end up feeling so depressed after seeing others with their husbands. Their lives are the same, nothing has changed for them, but my life has been destroyed. So I can’t find comfort anywhere. I wish I could find another person who is in similar circumstances to me. Someone who understands, who is also lonely and dreads weekends for the same reason. Someone to meet up for a cup of coffee, go for a walk in the park or go watch a movie. Unfortunately you can’t pluck someone like that out of thin air. Everyone I know still has their husbands and I try not to feel jealous but it hurts so bad. Is this how it’s going to be for me now till the day I drop dead? Somehow I keep going but it’s agonising and pain is my constant companion.
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What area do you live in. Maybe somebody is close by and can meet you for coffee. Its important that we support each other as much as we can. Sending love and hugs. X
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Hi Sakinah, none of us knows what the future holds. All we can do is live day to day as best we can. It is different for everyone but we go through similar feelings & emotions. I hate weekends & yes at times can be very lonely even if in a crowded room. If the one person you’re missing isn’t there. Life stops for no one & i’ve said, others lives do go on, they are busy & nothing has changed for them really. Not all together their fault, it’s understandable but doesn’t help us. There are no easy answers to all this, just day by day, hour by hour. Hope you start to cope a bit better soon & my thoughts are with you. Take care.
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Hi Susie. You’re so right. How can we expect anyone to understand unless they’ve been through what we’ve been through. So yes, we do have to support each other, and that’s why it would be so good to team up with someone in the same situation. I’m in close proximity to the Ilford/Gants Hill/Barkingside area. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but I’ve recently begun to feel like I’m a charity case when I am invited anywhere, and although I’m grateful for the invite, I feel people do it more out of obligation rather than anything else. It could just be that my self esteem has taken a massive tumble. Whatever the case, it would be so good to have something to do at the weekends independent of my family members and not have to wait and hope that some “Good Samaritan” takes pity on me and gets in touch.
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@Cathphil The one that works for me is: “Still totally shit, but I appreciate you asking”. Really works well - it’s quick, grateful, and stops numbskull saying “that’s good” or “glad you are moving on”. Try it? It works…
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@DeniseMarie There are no words, no expression, no way of communicating the life-ending loss of a wife/husband. I’ve had over 20 grief counselling sessions, and am now being treated in a NHS Mental Hospital weekly as an Outpatient. I’m afraid the word “grief” doesn’t even begin to describe it. Once it happens to you, you get it - and it is the worst as it invalidates your entire existence.
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@susie101 Yep, I totally get that. Your husband’s expression nails it. You just want to shout sometimes: “are you actually effin listening to a single thing I’m saying?!?!”, but of course, I just tend to find an excuse to leave. Pointless talking with those self-centred numpties.
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@Sakinah Your post really resonated. I was fortunate enough a few months ago to join a small group (6) of us spread through the UK who lost our partners roughly at the same time; about a year ago.
We resonate on ‘firsts’, we Zoom meet weekly and message each other as well.
Can I make a suggestion: reach out on here to find another or others who lost their partner at roughly the same time, and possibly in the same circumstances? Having a grief buddy or buddies who are at a similar stage is a life-saver and I’m sure there are others who may be at the same stage as you both chronologically and mental in need of talking. You can be safe, as there is no need to meet anyone face to face.
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Hi Dennis (my husbands name was Dennis too).
Im sad to hear that you like me are struggling to manage and pleased that you are seeking help. You are right it seems hopeless at the moment I agree lets hope that there are some brighter times ahead. we have to believe that. Neer going to be the same though as we are not the same anymore. xx
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I was in our garage today ( looking at hubby’s lifetime of tools etc) thinking where do I start.
Neighbour of 40 years approached asking if I was “having fun” —
I glared at her & answered “hardly”.
Neither her or her hubby have offered any help in the two & a half years since I’ve lost hubby.
Nasty me wanted to ask her - how do you think you’ll cope??
G. X
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@Grandma
How did you not punch her? Or hit her with one of your husbands tools!!!
I so hate all those questions/ comments.
It infuriates me every Friday, when work colleagues say, “have a lovely weekend” or on weekdays " have a lovely evening"
How do they suppose that is possible?!
Big hugs to you 
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