@Sheila26
I just wish we could all turn back time.
X
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my wife had yearly travel insurance(we traveled often). There was hidden statements for automatic renewal. They sent her a letter asking her to pay the premium for the coming year. I said it’s not needed they said I’m not in a position to cancel the policy. I shouted at that idiot and said she’s dead if they don’t cancel it I’ll file a complaint. It’s like in a jungle, scavengers prey on dead animals.
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I have not thought that the price for so much happiness and love for and with my husband was eventually to pay the piper 
My husband died during an operation 16 months ago and the pain and heartache have never diminished and I replay that day over and over and ask why.
Maybe it is, we had had our share and I know many couples are not as lucky to have had the relationship that we shared but I struggle each day and I can’t believe I won’t see or speak with him again.
That is such a hard thing to accept and it is heartbreaking.
I think what others have said is that we will never get over losing that special person but it will soften. It doesn’t feel that way but maybe it will.
I do feel blessed to have met my husband 40 years ago and still be so happy together after all these years. We always knew we were meant to be❤️
Sending prayers and hopefully we will all find peace. 
Take care 
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Hi Hulia19, I to can’t accept that we won’t talk to each other that he won’t hold my hand again , my husband has always held my hand even in our 60s and even when we where in our early 70s . It’s been a short time for me only 11 weeks but it seems like last week when he died unexpectedly sleeping . But listening to people who are in the same position as we are they say the same , I felt like I was going mad . I’m having sleeping problems as soon as I get into our bed I see him , I found him I thought sleeping I was talking to him , it’s like a camera going off in my brain I keep seeing this picture . I’ve got a picture at my side of the bed , but I sleep in his place on his pillow. My life is so different I exist without him I m not living my life he was my life .Being on this site has helped me so much only people in the same position really understand.
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Dear Plascoch, I am so sorry for your loss and I wish I could tell you things will get better but so far I haven’t found that. I too now sleep on his side of the bed with his pillows. I also talk to him and if I am having a very bad time, I ask him to help me to be strong. During one of those times I felt a feeling of a heavy cloak wrap around me, it was a comforting feeling. Who knows of it was my imagination but I felt it.
I will never know true joy or happiness again and I will never be the same person again.
The feeling of devastation is so painful and I am sure like me you wish it wasn’t so.
Reading posts from others has helped me to see that the feelings I have are normal and part of grieving.
I miss him so much and I feel alone despite having family and friends. People have sympathy however they don’t truly understand and their life carries on.
Thinking of you and sending love
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Hi, it’s so hard to think of a future without the other half of us. It’s a desolate thought. I hadn’t retired from work when my husband was diagnosed but I was due to take my retirement a few months later. We had such plans for our retirement, travel, more sailing, hobbies to do together and now there’s nothing. I feel we have been cheated. You will know when the time is right for you to do something for you, to try to give you some purpose. X
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I feel the same ,my darling husband passed away in Feb, I still feel everything is surreal, I can’t really believe he will never come home again , I just want it to happen so much. The life I have now just can’t be right, I close my eyes and I can see him ,Sitting in his chair , laying in our bed , this just can’t be !!!
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I know how you feel, my wife died in March from pancreatic cancer, since then I’ve just been functioning like a robot, doing everything expected of me but living in a dark surreal world, the silence is the worst and knowing you will never see her again, I was a carer for my wife who became disabled in 2010, since then I did mostly everything for her including pushing her everywhere in a wheelchair, how can you ever start to come to terms with the passing of your other half, every day feels the same, life as you knew it no longer exists, how can you tell people how you feel, when you’re not sure how you feel yourself, how can you stop the pain and the anger deep inside, where do you go, what do you do, so many questions, but I fear no answers.
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Evening Nims123, yes life is so different now , I am struggling like all on this site , no acceptance that we will not carry on as we did before ,can’t accept that he won’t talk to me again . The last few days have been awful ,my hubby was very down to earth but he was very sceptical about life after death ,it has suddenly hit me that if I follow on with our family history my family are long livers they all live till late 80s my Nan lived till she was 100 that means I’m going to be without the love of my life for over 10 to 15 years . I just need to have the faith to believe he’s ok wherever he is .Unfortunately that’s not coming to me at this time . Surely you don’t just get born live and die . I need to believe there is more but I’m struggling with this . I’m missing him so and overwhelmed with sadness crying constantly . I’m not depressed just really sad .
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Try the book ‘Where did you go?’ by Christina Rasmussen. I haven’t read it yet but it has a scientific basis to explain that although a heart may stop beating, consciousness goes on. It might be of comfort to you but as I haven’t read it, I don’t know how much.
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Sheila sadly that is so often the case and we also don’t want to be a burden.
I can’t bear the thought of moving from our home but the garden is far toomuch for me and I now pay a gardener to do it every 2 weeks.
Jim did everything DIY and now I find I have to ask for. Recommendations of tradesmen which I would never have had to do.
I think the Covid restrictions have meant so many of us have spent more and more time on our own and the one person you want by your side is missing.
If I lived nearby I would invite you out for a coffee and chat.
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Dear Sheila
Council officer came today and signed off the new bathroom and kitchen. The outstanding jobs in the kitchen are all cosmetic so I am going to have to pay someone to do them. Our son is not a practical person like his dad and never had to be but would not trust him with a hammer let alone a saw and drill. I did take out a British Gas Homecare policy so that takes care of the boiler which is just as well as it has been a constant worry.
As you say you find out who your real friends are at times like these and they are like four-leaf clover - rare. Also a few family members on my husband’s side have let me down - they don’t even call only sending the odd text telling me all the things they have been up to and citing these as the excuse for not getting in touch.
People tell you not to withdraw but in all honesty I find myself doing this as it protects me from insensitive comments.
The pressure and stress has been building up to this weekend as we prepared to scatter the ashes. The past two days have been particularly bad and I have felt the same way as I did the day my husband died.
Our daughter and her partner are arriving tomorrow night and then we will all go up to the cottage I have booked. I am hoping that the pressure-pot - which is how my heads feels - will somehow ease and we can enjoy some family time together although it will be tinged with sadness that my husband is not here with us.
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I too want to believe there is something to go on to , to be reunited with our loved ones otherwise what was it all about ? My husband really believed there was , I do hope he was right I want ,no need , to believe there is , please please someone tell me there is ?
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Like you, I have to believe that there is. Without the hope of being reunited I wouldn’t know what to aim for.
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Dear Nims123
Someone told me about Michael Newton and his book called The Journey of Souls.
I haven’t read the book however I have started to listen to the audio.
I haven’t managed to complete it because each time I put it on it is late at night and I always fall asleep.
I believe our loved ones are around us and we will see each other again. It’s all I have to help in someway to easy my absolute pain and heartache.
I am so sorry for your loss.
J
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Dear Sheila
Our son lives close but with two kids under the age of two he works long shifts and hours so is exhausted on his days off. But as I have said previous he is not practical.
You are right about workmen and their lack of response. Been waiting for the roofer since February - always tells me coming next week so I wait all day each Monday only for him not to turn up or call. I will eventually have to get someone else in for a quote but I do not like people to know my circumstances now.
Dear Sheila
You are right. These tradespeople easily forget who helped in the early days and are all just driven by the big ticket jobs. It doesn’t help us though and the garage roof just adds to my stress at the minute because in the heavy rain the water pours in. I will have to bite the bullet and get further quotes and hope they are more reliable. It is so difficult doing all this on our own. I have given up asking for help from people who told me all I had to do was give them a call and they would try and sort things because they don’t even return my calls anymore. What hurts more is that my husband put great faith in these people - “good mates” he used to call them and he could never see the truth.
Dear Sheila , so very true about good mates and friends , my Husband would do anything for anyone . He was a huge rugby fan also a fantastic rugby player he played and eventually became Chairman of his club , he worked really hard for the club ,it became a very successful club he gave many years to his club everyone respected him . When he left the club a few years ago he was sorely missed . Dave always attended all the funerals even in covid , the players they just stood outside the crematorium wore club tie and formed a line to pay there respect . When Dave died 3 months ago we where allowed 30 inside but no restrictions outside crematorium ,to my dismay only 3 of his x rugby mates turned up to pay there respect and 2 of them were lads he still used to go watching rugby with . When he died it was announced on the old boys website saying he had died and all details saying all welcome and the venue for the wake . At the time I was unaware of what happened at his funeral, it was only a week or so after I found out . His so called rugby mates hadn’t bothered to come . I was absolutely furious my wonderful husband a committed rugby clubman and really popular clubman and chairman and nothing . So I decided that I would go on the club website and let rip , I thanked the individuals by name who attended,and to the rest I actually let them know how disgusted I was that not one person had the decency to attend his funeral so I posted on line on the boys club site and it was seen by 70 club members and not one person made a comment on line . One of the people who attended the funeral was the club chairman before Dave and he was now in his mid 80s he said that I had shamed them all . I was so upset because Dave was such a loyal clubman and he didn’t deserve such treatment . I expected so much more and was so bitterly disappointed . He had a tremendous funeral and so many stood outside but not the people I really expected . Disappointed and disgusted in his so called rugby mates .
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I agree with you regarding depression, when it has been suggested i take medication to lift my mood,and dont get me wrong, no objections or judgement to any one that does take medication , but i did feel my low mood, was a natural reaction to one day having a husband and the next day not, of course that is going to kick the s##t our of you.
I am a year in, and i still massively struggle, feel despair, and wonder how i will keep going
The shock is clearing, and the realisation is setting in, so grief comes in many form and stages, and can go back ward and forward, all in the same day.
I am better at managing to the outside world, as i realised society is generally awful at more long term support, its feast amd famine.
The longer support and check in, is the valuable help. But society generally still find bereavement hard to deal with and gradually fade away.
Wishing you all love and huge heartfelt hugs.
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