Hello
It has been just over 18 months and I have posted on other threads. I lost the love of my life(together just under 50years) in August 2020. I would like to say it has got easier, but it is actually getting worse. I have been through counseling,tried to muddle through but I can feel myself falling into a deep, dark hole. To me it seems like going through the motions of living.
I am just not sure what to do about anything any more.
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Dear Malcolm,
I send you a hug… I hate to think you are struggling. It is more like writhing in a black mist, I think… Do come on here where you will find friends who hear you and want to listen to you…
I lost my love of fifty years to stage 4 lung cancer with other ills, and don’t we wish that we had gone with them… I have a little dog and get up for her in the morning… That’s all.
One of my carers said that we have not fulfilled our purpose yet…l Another perspective, I suppose…
It is one day at a time ….
Big hug….
Xx
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Hello Malcolm,
Many times I have thought I could not go on, in fact for a long time after my lovely husband died I thought that I would too and not by my own hand then I developed cardiac problems. I got over that stage somehow and then began to think that I would have to take my own life because I couldn’t stand the excruciating one I was living then.
Here I am though, getting used to this life, not enjoying it, just living it one day (and sometimes one hour) at a time.
It’s been said many times here that we understand because we are all going through it, it’s such an individual journey though and we go through so many stages of this grief and sometimes more than once.
Can you explain why you think it’s getting worse? Maybe it will help to tell someone.
Sending you a friendly hug.
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Hello Malc39200,
I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling. It sounds like things are really difficult for you at the moment and that you’re feeling unsure of how you carry on. I was worried to read that you feel yourself falling into a deep, dark hole as that sounds like it would be both a scary and overwhelming feeling to have.
I’m glad you’ve reached out here to share how you’re feeling and I hope the replies you’ve had so far have been helpful. I would encourage you to seek out further support if these feelings continue. You could try contacting your GP to talk about what support options are available near you, or perhaps call the Samaritans on 116 123 (they’re open 24/7).
There are other services available too, which we have listed on this page.
Please keep talking to us here and take care.
Eleanor
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Hello Malcolm,
I’m so sorry for how you are feeling.
Does your lovely daughter know you’re feeling like this?
People do really want to help and will hate to think you’re feeling this way.
I think it’s probably best to give your GP a ring and let them know how you’re feeling. There is always something or someone to help, no matter how bad we feel.
Please don’t fall down that deep, dark hole any more, try and get some help with getting out of it.
Please let us know you are ok. We’re thinking of you
Much love
Janey
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Dear Bristles,
Of course I am not happy to be, as you put it, left in the dark and dumbfounded… Some people talk with their own perspective in mind, However, yes I am in a dark place all the time after fifty years with a man I loved from day one…
I do hope you find some caring thoughts on this site.
Xx
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Thank you for your kind words. It does help. I am grateful and thankful for this space.e
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Keep popping in @Malc39200, if being here helps.
Share as much as you are able and maybe we can all help you to avoid that dark place that so many of us dread.
Sending you a warm and friendly hug.
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I think it is missing the little things, the chats, hearing her voice, getting annoyed with each other and making up afterwards. The sheer loneliness and knowing it will never be the same.
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Thanks, being here does help, the contact is friendly and not judgemental.
Hi again @Malc39200 it’s good that you have come back here and if that’s all you can manage for now that’s good enough.
The loneliness is crushing, the effort it takes just to breathe sometimes is tremendous…just keep coming back here so that we can support you as best we can. Hugs.
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Thanks,I will.
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It’s good to see you here @Malc39200 although of course I wish you didn’t need to be.
How are you feeling today? What will you do to fill your time?
I have another “quiet” day in front of me and I will probably do some needlework which is how I have learned to occupy my empty days.
Keep safe and well @Malc39200, you’re in our thoughts x
It is very painful to hear how people are struggling so badly, but oddly comforting that I am not alone with these unbelievable feelings. My husband, John died unexpectedly only two months ago and some days are unbearable. I am hoping to get validation from you all and also offer as much support as I can too.
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Dear Mary,
It is so good that you are coming on here where fellow travellers listen and tell their moving stories… We wish noone else had this anguish but to hear others express their love and feelings is strangely comforting…
I am so sorry to hear that your love’s passing was sudden; what a shock… if only we could have some time back…
Hugs for you… x
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Hello @Mary0.
I always want to say “Welcome” when I see a newcomer here but it never seems really appropriate somehow because all of us here wish we still had our loved ones and then wouldn’t be here sharing our heartbreak. So I’m sorry that you find yourself here but you have certainly come to the right place for support and understanding.
Like you, I find it strange to be comforted by others people grief, I suppose it has allowed me to feel less lonely and that I’m not nearly as crazy as I thought to have these dreadful feelings that I can’t seem to get past.
I’m sure you will get what you need here as you read the posts and reply to some. In doing that you will be helping others here too. x
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Thank you so much. The understanding is comforting and knowing we aren’t alone helps when we think we won’t cope.
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Thank you . The pain is extraordinarily strong isn’t it? I think the only way anyone can understand it is by going through it. That is why I think this site is so vital - to share with people who know .
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Thank you. It’s been a few quiet days for me as well this weekend. Some days I can’t seem to get going at all. Probably do a bit of reading which helps a bit.
Hello again @Malc39200.
I’m glad you’ve come back to us. Reading is good as it helps to pass the time which we all seem to have too much of sometimes.
I listen to audio books, they fill the silence and help me a lot as although I like to read I couldn’t concentrate and read the same words over and over again.
I hope you have a better day today.