Hi Jo
I feel exactly the same as you do. 8 months on for me and I don’t think the hurt and sorrow will ever go. No one to say good night to or good morning for that matter. No words can describe the loss I feel.
Thank you for the poem, it is says it all. We all have to carry on in their memory. Let’s all grow in strength together.
Xx
Hi Jo
The idea of moving forward frightens me but forward we move
As I read “ we learn to dance around the abyss “
Hope your weekend is good
Sadie xx
Hi jo
Your words say it all. Ten months on for me and it is the realisation that this is how my life will now be
It’s so lonely not being able to share your life with the one you love I miss my husband in every way imaginable
Thank you for sharing your poem
Keeping going is all we can do but it’s hard
Take care
Christine x
Thank you so much Heather. I am doing the same now avoiding talking about it as they just can’t understand and I don’y like burdening them. I will come her when times get unbearable and know there are people who get me XXX
Thank you everyone means so much to have you with me. Elainexx
Hi Elaine
We are all in this together.
I was with my husband 45 years married for 43. He was ill for 3 years before he died with cancer horrible side effects from the treatment in and out of hospital for the 3 years in intensive care ending up on oxygen 24 /7 and a home ventilator Then after all this battle catching covid and dying within 48 hours I’m so thankful he’s not suffering anymore but it’s so hard to go on without him
Thankfully you can understand how I feel
Take care
Christine x
Sad Sadie. I feel exactly like you and it is 29 months for me. I can"t get my husband out of my mind night and day ( I don’t want to either,) and like you I never feel whole. I can manage to have a good time sometimes but then something smacks me in the face and tells me that no matter what, no time can ever be complete for me again. There is just a hole in my heart all the time. I miss the holidays we had most of all. They were glorious times that I don"t think I fully appreciated at the time. Now I can’t even bear to walk in an airport again.I do get days that are easier and I feel like all this is a dream but it isn’t and everything that goes on is real. I wish I told him I loved him more. I wish we never argued. I wish we had talked about dying but we didn’t even though he had pancreatic cancer and the prognosis was not good. He said the worst thing ever for him was if he lost me and I still think about that because I told him we would get through together. It’s a long journey and I am still only half way there. I just wish Icould move forward but I feel if I do I would be forgetting him and I never will.
Dear Angiejo
Even though Jack was so ill , even though we all knew that prognosis weren’t good we had also didn’t talk about dying - and I regret it so much . I feel I failed Jack - I wished we were about to talk about dying.
Why didn’t we?
Many reasons - I had hope, and all my hope and effort was to keep him alive and well as long as possible, I really thought it was going to be possible, I was terrified of loosing him and I didn’t to fall apart , also, from the moment we found out he was ill there was so much to do that there was no time for anything else
The Macmillan nurses were absolutely useless! When I see the adverts and they say “ we will support you “ what does it mean? What is a Macmillan nurse supposed to do? What ever they were supposed to do they didn’t do it for us
Angiejo I send you a big hug
Sadie xx
I agree with you Mcmillan nurses are useless as I had a big argument with one of the cancer nurse at Nottingham City Hospital. When we found out Andy had a cancer, the nurse said we will be always here when you need us and she has never responded my emails or phone call. When I have made a complain about what day did? They have changed our doctors.
Stupid, useless people.
I have this regret as well, I always believed Karen would recover and be one of the ones who survived. At one point she discussed her funeral wishes, but she was so healthy and well at the time, I treated it as “theoretical” and did not broaden the discussion out.
One of the many regrets
There is only one thing i feel lucky as my husband was not sick or did not lose him due to cancer. It was an unexpected heart attack. I feel so sorry for other people who lost their loved ones due to illness. It must be so painful watching them dying. So sad just sad
That is exactly how I am feeling I could have written your post. It’s just so hard it’s 3 months since I lost my partner we’ve been together since 14 so 37 years he was 50 and my everything. I’ve spent all day crying thinking what now? And don’t want to be here alone but am struggling on for my Daughter and grandsons. Take care here if you need me 
I too feel exactly the same 3 months on for me 
. Seems to be getting harder as time passes and the reality is now sinking in. Thinking of you x
I am 5 months further on than you two. It is not that the pain and loss gets better but I think you pick up coping strategies. The bad days come and go and you deal with the daily problems that are frightening at first. Life will never be the same but keep going like your husband/partner would want you to.
Thinking of you. Xx
Hi Nuran
I made an office complaint
Just find out to whom to write
I think only by complaining they can learn and change
Take care
Sadie xx
I have a complaint in with our hospital, it took me almost until the 1st anniversary to write it because it was so painful. I also wanted to make sure it wasn’t a knee jerk reaction but I wrote everything down straight away to refer back to. He died just before Christmas 2019 and the hospital were extremely busy. I actually think this was the start of the Covid pandemic but nobody knew. I’d called the doctor at 8 on Monday morning, he didn’t examine Derek as he had been having regular checks & he said he may benefit from a blood transfusion as his blood count was low. He called an ambulance (non emergency) it turned up 7 hours later. They took his vitals his blood pressure was really low. Got too the hospital & despite the paramedics telling them about his vitals, we still had a 4 hour wait. By that point he was looking really poorly. I had to get someone over as he was in dreadful pain. Anyway without going through the whole scenario his treatment wasn’t good and he finally got a bed at around 4am the next morning. The day after that the consultant told me & our daughter there was nothing they could do and had put a DNR on him. We said we didn’t want one, he said it wasn’t our choice. It was like we’d been plunged into a nightmare. He had been poorly but not life threateningly so! His kidneys and liver had failed. We didn’t tell him, I didn’t want him to be frightened, I often think we should have but I think secretly we hoped for a miracle. On Friday morning I got a call that his breathing wasn’t good and he was on oxygen and to go through by 11 am he passed away aged 59. According to one of the men in the other beds, he’d tried to get up in the night & “all hell broke loose” never found out what he meant & nobody said anything to us. I put in a complaint purely to hope that lessons are learnt because some of the things that happened were shocking. I also felt it would have eaten away at me and I would be letting him down. I refused early on in this Covid nightmare to clap for the NHS but then I had a good word with myself as that was bitterness. I didn’t want to be bitter it would just destroy me.
Sorry that was a bit of a ramble.
Jodel your ramble is a conversation- we all ramble because we have so much to sort out in our hears and minds
Miracle!!! This is what I thought it was going to happen! I knew a miracle would happen and up to the last minute I waited for the the miracle
I still believe that miracles do happen - maybe my miracle was that Jack had a “good” death : no tubes, we were all there with him, it was peaceful and he was home as he wanted and I wanted
Take care
Sadie xx
Omg you must be tearing yourself apart my partner died in nov 19 i think he had covid then which didnt help with lung cancer i could say it gets better but i would be lying i think it is good to have a ramble hopefully one day it might get easyer to live with but think it will take a long time to ajust thinking of you xx
I think I owe it to my husband to live as he couldn’t ,I think it is important not to become a victim of grief yes it hurts yes I cry sometimes yes I miss the man I married but none of that can bring him back! Try to move on from how bad you feel and build a life for yourself don’t let the loss define you .
I am glad you are in this place Griffo and would never view myself as a victim. This is a place I can open up and say how I am feeling whilst still living a good life just as my husband would want me to. Sometimes it is good just to feel safe in an environment where I feel safe to let it all out. I am aware nothing will bring him back but a little more compassion would not go amiss for those that are not in the same place as you. Sorry but just feel patronised. Exx