Hi Bekind
You are not alone …… when I see couples older than Paul and I , I could knock them out
And men older than Paul I just think like you we’ve been robbed
Why my Paul?
When he was diagnosed I said why us
His reply why not, it’s got to be someone
Still…….life’s just shit
I’m with you today
Is any day a good day
Hugs to all
Xx
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Shortly after my hubby passed I said to “friend” & neighbour -
I really missed his shirts out on the line.
She laughed and asked was I just going to keep them & hang them out from time to time. ? 
I’ve already handed some clothes to BHF and yesterday I boxed more up. - I’m 27 months since losing him so it’s a very personal time and nothing to do with anyone else.
G. X
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Hi Bess
I’m currently in tears writing this. James had the very same attitude he says it is what it is and there’s always someone worse off, he would say what about kids who die and don’t get to live their lives.
I am also laughing at your comment about older couples as I feel that way too. Ah well here we go again another day 
xx
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Hi Bekind
We have loads in common
Paul would always say ‘ it is what is it’
From where am it’s total shite…… ( sorry!)
Xx
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A piece of advice I was given shortly after hubby passed was -
Don’t let anyone tell you what to do - do what’s right for you.
G. X
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Everyone is different & having Derek’s Gaby clothes still in the wardrobe brings me comfort. I sleep with one of his jumpers. No one can know unless they’ve walked in your shoes & certainly don’t live by other’s expectations as close as your friend is, if she hasn’t been through it she’s no idea. Some may very well feel like that & that’s ok too. I did give a lot of his warm coats & boots to a homeless charity, but a lot of his T-shirts have special meaning & I couldn’t part with them. I had a memory bear made with some, he’s called Delbear 
I’m 3years down the line & I have learned that it’s my journey & I’ll do what is right for me.
Sending love & strength
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Ooh Bekind I totally get it that you raged when they said about the 90 year old as I had a similar thing said to me about someones auntie in her 90s just after I lost my hubby and like you I was raging inside as I thought how dare you compare my hubby to this person he had a lot of living to do and we had all our plans which have been snatched away from us at our ages me in my late 50s him in his early 60s and at least this auntie in her 90s has had that chance to do these things.
It really annoys me how some people are so bloody insensitive 
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Hi Bess, no apologies necessary. Couldn’t think of a better word…well I could but not for here 
xx
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Hi , get t too about older peo
ple passing away…ofcourse it’s sad but not the same, and in any case no matter what age no one has the right to compare others grief even their own to yours.
The Queen died a few days after my husband and her funeral was 3 days after my husband’s.
I got so sick of everyone telling ME how sad they were about the Queen dying.
Aaarrgghhh - they didn’t even know her!!!
At the time I just remember being so grateful that my husband’s funeral had been arranged for the Friday 16th…
I felt so sorry for families who had already arranged funerals for the same day as the queen’s funeral on the 19th
The c**p I then had to listen to from people about her funeral, while I was still recovering from the emotional terminal of my husband’s was so insensitive, but at the time I was in no state to tell anyone how that made me feel…
My goddaughter was the kindest …she just hugged me and said Phil’s was better Auntie Cath
Hugs to you all 
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Having a sad day today and tears. Jim’s loved Mercedes car has been sold. Watching his/our car drive away was gut wrenching. I could see a million memories as it drove off, shopping trips, days out, nights out, holidays, laughter, arguments, music, fun, conversation, Intimacy. My soul was in that car. It hit me really hard, every part of my being was holding on to it and not wanting to let go. All I could see was him at the wheel through my tears. None of this feels real, it’s like I am in a dream and my neighbour said are you going to sit and enjoy the sun. People are so damned insensitive and I swear they get pleasure out of your pain
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@Sarlyn
Oh Sarlyn I so understand. A couple of months ago I had to sell my husband’s Mercedes.
Cars were one of his biggest passions. He had lots over the years.
He absolutely loved his mercedes compressor, which he bought just after the first lockdown. He’d had to sell his ford 100e after he became too ill to deal with the upkeep an old car needs. The worst part for me was that his mercedes was one of his biggest incentives for getting better, so he could drive it again. He longed for that day. But it didn’t happen.
I had to change the tax after he died to my name, as we only have street parking, so did that for 6months…and then had to make the heart wrenching decision to sell.
I know exactly how you must have felt seeing it being driven off.
I do hope you managed to sell it to someone who will look after it.
I had to deal with so many wasters, who wanted to try and rip off a vulnerable female. I didn’t let them. I had my Phil in my ear telling me when I could sell and who to.
Many hugs on a really difficult day for you
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Just back from dropping another bag into BHF - sad but a few things at a time is easier that a full clearout 
.
I said to myself - do this and treat yourself to a Costa & a muffin.
I think you know when the time comes.
G. X
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Hi Bekind
You and me both…… we’ve said all words possible and yes not printable…….
Not having a good day I’m afraid
Everyone seems to be getting on with their life but not me……
so miss Paul
We had a good life
Life’s a bitch
Xx
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Hi @Bess1 sorry to hear your having a bad day it’s a constant battle with our emotions…it’s trying to process that our lives that we knew have now changed for ever and i hate every dam miserable moment of it. Sick of looking at friends who still have their other half and making plans etc… grief can also make you bitter and I don’t like that either.
Hope your ok and never feel your on your own, it’s good to vent when needed
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Morning Bekind
Yes I feel the same
Grief can make you very bitter and twisted
But…… everyone ‘…….friends’ having a life
Sharing a life
Planing stuff
And what are we doing
Existing
Paul wouldn’t want me like this I know but
We here all know that but
43 weeks tonight at 5.57pm
I’m just very alone and miss him like hell
Take care
Xx
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Morning Bess
Like you I used to count the weeks, days, hours. James will be away exactly 18 months tomorrow. I still struggle to live without him and I just plod on not knowing what I want as all I want is him. Sending you special vibes today and hope you have a day of remembering the good times with your special Paul xx
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Hi Bekind
Thank you for your very kind words
As you know when you remember everything good and bad the tears are just there……
Xx
Lolxx
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We all understand your sad loss you don’t have to apologise take care
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Yep…5 months on everything is where he left it…I haven’t washed the clothes he died in as they still smell so strongly of him…and yes his bathroom items, the jacket he wore almost everyday are still in position. I wear his wrist watch all the time and only remove it to swim or shower. I wore his scarf everyday and slept with it neatly folded next to me on our bed. Its warmer now so just jeep his scarf near me and fold it neatly into my handbag when i venture out. Ive started to spray his sometimes used aftershave either on my pillow or onto my nightdress its wonderful to smell it…I get told his clothing and papers etc are not him so keeping them will only make me depressed…when this grief journey began i couldn’t look at, smell or touch his things now its comforting toi see them hanging up. My difficulty is that we have no children it was just the two of us…so when i go no one will care and everything will just be bulldozed so should I get rid of everything as i don’t know how long I’ll be before I join him
Difficult decisions were never my forte and now!!! Love and hugs to all of you in this cathartic club we find ourselves in…
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Hi Merle
You say everything I also think
We had no children so just me
Paul died 24th July last year I ask myself how have I got this far
To be far I’ve just bundled along living no, just existing hour by hour
I go to bed with Pauls Rab coat I cuddle and cry into it and yes I haven’t washed it
I have all his clothes I look at them touch them and remember when he wore them then cry
My heart is broken my life was Paul and he’s gone
I yearn to have that life back …….yearn for paul back
He looked after me lived me cared for me
Like us all I’m devastated beyond words
My life has ended……. Folk see me ‘out’ oh she’s ok
I’m far from it……
Hugs to all
Xx
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