I’m 69, whilst Hazel was 61 when she died. Up to that point i was hoping to live till at least 90 and have 20 more years with Hazel. Now, all i can see before is dark desolation.
I know she wants me to carry on for the sake of our family, and because of her i will do. However, i don’t feel particularly desperate for another 20 years without her.
This grief is so numbing with freque stabs of pain as i think of her 
So sorry for your loss .i lost my wife last September after 38 great years.it us hard i keep saying to myself why why .i never get answer.
My thoughts exactly. I wanted another 20 years at least. She always wanted to go first but neither of us ever thought it would be this early
Same here i thought we would mke 45 years cut short only got 38 i am a broken man just can not cope with the loss .sorry for your loss xx
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I personally think the answer is, Because life can be a bitch!!!
I say i love life is great until you lose a wife/husband then it feels like the whole hates you
and you have lost one of yours hands .and someone has removed your heart .ar the moment i feel absolutely lost even after 5 months when she left. I feel like bereavement council may help me i have only had one looking fowrd to next one. Xxx
Hi Flints
My husband died about the same time as yours. Completely unexpectedly. He was 59. He died in the night and I wasn’t even there. I was at my daughter’s as she’d just had a nasty wisdom tooth out under general anaesthetic- I went to help with the children. He was supposed to collect me the next afternoon but he didn’t wake up. No symptoms, no reason. My other daughter found him in the morning when his alarm was going off. We are all devastated.
I had to wait 3 weeks to register the death after the post mortem and 5 weeks for the funeral. Now I feel in limbo. Going through the motions but its hard to see any joy or purpose in anything. We were together for 18 years but only married for 15 months and very very happy with big plans for the future. Hard to see how I can move forward on my own. How are you doing?
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We all seem to be struggling one way or another - I guess that’s the way it’ll be until we ‘find ways to live with our losses’. I’m only 6 weeks on from her funeral tomorrow, 9 weeks in total, so I can’t expect to see any improvement for a very long time yet - but Ive been surprised that things have actually got worse in many ways.
Sending love and best wishes to all of you going through your own private Hell.
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I find it gets worse because it’s longer since you last saw them not even a chance to say goodbye to start with i was in shock then the reality sets in you will never see them agai and a life of loneliness ahead
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It’s the same for me, Mark would be absolutely distraught if he knew our children were suffering, so I will not give in, even though sometimes it seems I can’t go on without him, I have to make sure that I don’t let him down, I need to stay strong for them. It’s hard because I want to be with him, wherever that is, but I also want to be here for our two youngest.
I send you my love xx
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Such wise and helpful words peaches. I too liked to do things on my own and we didn’t live in each pockets. But now i just hate doing them and feel lost and vulnerable on my own.
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I feel your pain and wish there was something I could say to ease the pain. I too am treading the same path. It’s been 5 months since my husband died suddenly and totally unexpected. He had an operation for an aorta aneurysm seemed to be recovering well, had his post operation visit to see consultant, it was just a visit as the Consultant never examined him properly, was given the all clear and died suddenly the next day. He was 69, I had known him since I was 16, married very happily for 48 years and he was gone just like that, no chance to say goodbye 
. It’s the middle of the night, I’ve woken in floods of tears and feel so lost and so lonely. We had so many plans and enjoying our retirement so much together. I feel
my life is pointless now and wonder how people ever get through such pain and grief. A couple of days ago my son and I went to see a Steve Holbrook (Medium) event and to my amazement I got a message from my dear husband. The message seemed very relevant and believable, made me cry at the time but also has given me some comfort. Anyone else had similar experiences as mine? Also do you believe in Mediums, my son and I do now. Sending love and comfort to all those out there treading this awful path of grief. I find this group very helpful especially when I’m at my lowest point such as now.
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I believe in mediums and the afterlife.
My friend wants me to see one that she uses to see if I can get in touch my husband.
I would love to go but at the moment I’m struggling going out and stay home most of the time.
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Poppet73 i have considered seeing a medium i i never really believed in them before but i’m so desperate to know if some how my husband is somewhere and is okay and if maybe we will one day be reunited it would give me something to hold on to. I’m glad it has given you a little bit of comfort x
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Does it really help to know someone else is in the same dark hole as you. No one can help you at the end of the day you,re on your own. I thought i was picking up a bit as it’s been four months but suddenly this morning i’m back to square one. I’m so disappointed. Can’t be bothered to try again x
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Sorry for your loss. I lost my wife last September. I am having bereavement counciling i have had 1 which helped a bit.please do not give in .it will get better. It will take to time i know because i am still hurting and crying my eyes out .xx
Yewtree. It takes just one tiny thing. Some would say an insignificant thing, but that ‘thing’ is like an elephant in the room. A friend of my wife called in this morning to see how I was and was almost blasé about Mary. As if it happened every day even! Clueless!!! I’ve completely hit rock bottom again after a few good days, but I’m not going to let the troll under the bridge have his way. My family, and of course my friends here especially, have pulled me up before, and I know they’ll do it again - as many times as it takes.
I do think knowing that you are not the only one facing this dark place does help. It helps to make it more ‘normal’ ? It changes ‘why me?’ to ‘why us?’ A shared problem is a problem halved.
I really hope you find the strength to get out of that hole, again. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.
We’re pulling on that lifeline for you. Much love and big hugs. Nigel xxxx
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I have days and moments like that still Yewtree. My wife died last August and it’s only recently that I’ve started seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I still get triggers that set me off and I’ll cry my eyes out, but they’re less often than they were. I have had group counselling, personal counselling and I’m a member of a grief walking group. I have made new friends and we all help each other. Personally I have found talking about Sylvia even up to her last moments has helped. I can talk about my grief, anger, guilt etc without breaking down as often. I will always love and miss Sylvia until my own passing but I’m in a better place. So my advice is to find a grief counselling service of any description and start to talk. My son lost his mum and vowed counselling wasn’t for him, but he started to go and he found that it helps.
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Sending a big hug.
I understand.
I haven’t been yet,but like you I would love to see one so I can speak to my husband and tell him I love and miss him everyday and I just want him back.
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