Same here it would be a great comfort but it’s only been five months so slightly afraid it will make me feel worse
Its been 15 weeks tomorrow for me.
1 Like
Its 6 weeks today for me. He died at 59 with no symptoms and no warning. I have really good support with family and friends but nothing takes away the fact that he was my best friend as well as my husband and our lovely future has been cancelled. Im 57 and we were together for 18 years so I’m facing the reality that I will likely be longer on my own than we were together. I know it’s a bit bonkers but I am finding some comfort in Whatsapping him. I tell him all the ins and outs of my day as I always would have done. Everything from what I’ve had for dinner and whatever else comes to mind. I tell him things he would have found funny, or annoying and remind him of places and things we did together. I send pictures of his beloved grandchildren and his garden. I totally understand that he doesn’t know I’m doing this… but its strangely comforting. Just like keeping a diary really but it is helping me. Also means I can look back at the days which were a blur straight after he died and see I have done well and made some progress so I know he would be proud of me- I tell him that too!
5 Likes
Dl know I shouldn’t knock what I don’t know etc but I’d avoid a medium at all costs. If it helps you though, absolutely go for it.
Same goes for grief counselling. I gave up waiting and decided to try going private and use some of the money I seem to be saving by not eating and staying in. Three sessions in and lets just say I’m going to start eating again.
It’s another Friday, 6 weeks on from Jill’s funeral; it seems a lifetime ago but obviously it isn’t, so maybe I should stop beating myself up about how much I’m struggling. Trouble is, when grief and loss move in logic and common sense move out and all I want to do is give up.
Love and best wishes to everyone .
3 Likes
That sounds a very healthy way of dealing with things @kateJ1, a great idea. I still talk to Jill all the time and am thinking of going back to writing to her too.
You’re not bonkers, what ever helps with getting you through the awful pain of losing someone so very special. I actually talk to my late husband and feel at peace since attending an evening recently with a Medium who actually communicated with my late husband. He told me a few things which were true and actually said my husband knows I speak to him. I was sceptical about the after life but now believe. My son was with me and we both came away believing that there is life after death. It’s 5 months since my husband passed and I miss him so very much. All our future plans and my world has been torn apart. Never in my whole 68 years have I ever experienced such pain and distress as I do losing my dear husband. Sending you my best wishes.
3 Likes
Hi PSHm3
I really recommend the writing… I’m just dreading the day his mobile number is reallocated. It really is only a diary in the sense that I completely know and understand that in no way does he know I’m doing it- sad as I’m putting a lot of effort in and he’d really appreciate it if he could read it. But it gives me a focus and a way to think through how I’m feeling, what I think about stuff, what I need help with etc. and a way to tell him how much I love and miss him every day.
Also I totally agree about mediums and any other charlatans who will take your money to tell you what you want/ need to hear. I understand that it might feel comforting, but these people are clever con artists who prey on vulnerability and offer hope to people who are desperate. It might seem reassuring but you must understand that it’s all made up. Sorry if that’s not a popular viewpoint but I don’t like to see people dishonestly parted from their money.
1 Like
I don’t believe in anything. How can someone be walking beside me protecting me. It’s.not like they can say anything to help…like don’t cross the road now there’s a car coming.
I’m so fed up trying to look at the.future with optimisum. Life for those left behind does go on. I’ve loads of snowdrops in the garden and daffodils John planted can’t know he has died because all the ones he planted are coming through aswell. All they do is magnify the sense of loss they don’t make me feel happy. I guess i’m just a lost cause. But good luck and best wishes to all who are grieving too xx
1 Like
Very well put on the subject of mediums etc.Extremely clever at manipulating others with carefully phrased words, ‘stolen’ ideas revealed by unsuspecting victims etc. Unpopular view- or just the truth?
I wrote Jill’s obituary, eulogy and an extra piece for the ceremony. I also wrote a lot directly to her, less carefully crafted and more open up until the night before her cremation when it when in the coffin with her.
Regarding WhatsApp, would it still be possible to take ownership of phone number yourself on a low cost tariff from the phone company?
2 Likes
Hi PSHm3
I read that you put your writing with your wife in the coffin and I thought about doing this too but I also feel I need to keep these things for myself- somehow it seems important to make sure cards, photos etc are all organised and sorted out properly so nothing is forgotten. I am aware it’s probably a bit obsessive at the moment but I’m going with it. I know from previous experiences of very difficult grief that gradually things will improve and I will become less dependent on these things to keep me going.
As far as the mediums etc go… it would be lovely to believe… also God, angels, ghosts, crystals, runes, tarot, etc etc all tempting, all sadly rubbish. I totally understand the temptation to believe. It would be so great to think you could have some communication, what wouldn’t we all do to achieve that? But keep a cool head- its not possible and anyone who tells you it is, is lying to you. Sad but true.
1 Like
Kate, several of my family whatsapp Mary. Her phone is still live, and at first it upset me but then I realised they were missing her so much that it helped them cope. So, now I don’t think it strange as it’s their way of coping . Carry on with what you feel is right for you - nothing you do is bonkers!
Much love. Nigel xxxx
1 Like
You have just made me thing about private counselling! I have a plan which may provide for that help and I believe some of the banks do too - especially one that I worked for.
Thank you.
2 Likes
I do exactly the same Kate. I’ve got my wife’s old phone and still read her msgs that friends and family still send to her. We were around the same ages as you and your partner and had been together around the same amount of time also. So i know exactly where you’re coming from.
2 Likes
Hello Kate
Really sorry to hear of your loss, you’re right, it’s a similar situation, I had work in the morning, and get really tired when I don’t get enough sleep, so I had gone off to bed without him, I go over and over in my head, if only I had stayed and waited, I maybe could have saved his life, not a day goes by where I don’t think if only, I’m constantly tormented by those thoughts. Our children have lost their father, and I could have saved him.
I am struggling with accepting the fact that I will never hold him ever again, we miss him so much, my heart aches.
Our lives are in shattered pieces, I find it hard to go on some days, most days I cry constantly.
I send you my love and condolences xx
2 Likes
Kate, cant you send him msgs through messenger or didnt he have a messenger account?
When I cancelled my husband’s phone in January O2 asked me if I wanted to keep my husbands number and use it instead of mine, but I said no.
I keep his phone on all the time and read his text messages every day from when he was in the hospital to the last one. I text him in the morning and night time on WhatsApp so I can hear his phone beep, it makes me feel like hes here(daft I know).
1 Like
Not daft at all. I wish I’d realised that answer phone phone greetings and messages would be deleted as soon as the number was deactivated as I am already missing the sound of her voice.
Oh, that’s rough. I haven’t cancelled Mary’s contract (we bought the phone outright) but EE switched to a call and text only contract with nothing to pay each month. I just have to make one call within each 6 months to keep it active - and they gave me £3 credit to start off with. Did she leave voicemails on your own phone? They would still be available on your phone wouldn’t they?
I. do the same keep my husbands phone charged can’t bear to switch it off . Don’t know about everyone else but i am hating Spring everywhere you look nature is bursting into life but Chris has gone for good so hard to except and bare I have just started volunteering at a charity shop only two mornings a week think it is helping me , baby steps love to you all x
1 Like
Isn’t it so very sad on a lovely sunny day like today when daffodils crocuses and snowdrops are covering the ground that i can’t be bothered to go outside and tidy the garden a bit.
Most of the garden is covered with dead stems unfortunately i don’t feel like going out. I really don’t feel like starting because there’s so much to do on my own. I miss John s smiley face and his help
It just lets me know once again how alone i am. I’m never going to have happy thoughts again even on lovely days.we’d normally go out for a short car ride
Xxx