Odd how people react differently. I don’t take any comfort in knowing so many others are suffering the same feelings, it just makes everything seem so enormous, like there’s no way out.
Sorry, rough day, Jill’s birthday.
I feel the same as you Flints, I don’t want to get rid of my partner’s stuff because it feels like I am getting rid of him which sounds stupid. A friend of mine suggested that I just get rid of a few things at a time rather than all at once and apparently it is getting popular that people keep some clothes of the person that has passed away and make them into a cushion, it’s called a memory cushion, If you are any good at sewing or maybe you know someone that could do this for you. I am going to make on from my partner’s shirts, the ones he liked. Just remember that most things don’t need to be rushed, just do little things when you feel ready. Sending you love 
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I’ve not got to a birthday yet - but I can only imagine how difficult that will be. Many ‘normal’ days are so tough and just today I ended up in floods of tears for no real reason. PSHm3, yes we do all react differently. I don’t take comfort from knowing others are going through the same stages, but it does make me realise it’s not just me. I really do feel for you today. You do not have to say sorry, there is no need. Everything is enormous. We all understand. We are all here for you too.
I hope tomorrow is a better day. Nigel xxxx
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Sorry you are having a bad day, I must say that most days are bad days for me too.
It’s all such an enormous task, every day, just to survive, but we somehow go on.
I feel your pain and send you my love, I have no answers, it’s all so raw for me xx
My mum is excellent at embroidery. She made me and my 3 sons a memory teddy each and then made us each a memory quilt each, all out of my late wifes clothes. Beautiful idea which means we all have our own permanent reminder
I have purchased an A4 notebook which I will use to write how I feel, good and bad, I will write it as if I am talking to my partner. I am Asthmatic and unfortunately my crying too much could cause a potentially fatal asthma attack, I have learnt a long time ago to control my emotions, which until now hasn’t really been a problem so I am hoping that writing my feelings down will help
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It works. It really does.
There were nearly 4 weeks between losing my beautiful wife and her final cremation service; I honestly believe that putting pen to paper (old style, no pc) was probably the only thing that got me through.
I wrote her obituary, I wrote her eulogy, I wrote an extended piece from me, a book mark and a final introduction for my daughter’s own reading. I drafted and redrafted, determined to get it right.I started with little idea of where I was going, what I ended up with was nothing like I imagined I’d produce but the process of seeking perfection kept me going.
The day before the service, a couple of hours before visiting her in the funeral home, I started writing again. Very different this time. A new notebook and a very different style. This time I ‘spoke’ directly to her. I rambled, no real sense of direction just let my thoughts and feelings tumble out. Those two hours I’d been dreading flew by. Even in the chapel of rest I alternated between writing and actually talking to her. Scruffy, jumbled, whatever, it didn’t matter - it was honest, heartfelt and allowed me to ‘say’ what I needed to say. The notebook went into the coffin with my wife.
I talk to her all the time but I haven’t written since; on here doesn’t count. Other than a Valentine’s card, and another card for Jill’s birthday today that is. Now I’m finding myself struggling far more the idea of writing to her again is beginning to look a very wise choice.
Thank you so much for reminding how much writing my thoughts and feelings down helped. Amid the blur and emotional chaos since I’d forgotten how cathartic, how calming the act of putting words on paper can be.
Hard to believe I taught for nearly 30 years and constantly students the value of physically writing things when trying to revise for their exams etc!
A very long-winded way of saying yes, go for it. I’ve no doubt that having the opportunity to write from your heart, to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that suits you, without being judged or having to consider other people’s feelings will help. Honestly.
My only word of caution - use a pen and ink that don’t smudge when the inevitable tears glow.
My heart goes out to you. Now let your own heart guide your writing and help you find a few more moments of peace.
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Thank you for your encouragement PSHm3, I will start soon, I have already written a piece on how I feel and I added a photo of my partner, although I admit it was done on the computer. I chose to write as, like you say, there is something about actually writing with paper and pen. For my partner, we had decided around a year or so ago, that a direct cremation was the way to go, so he was cremated with no service and no one in attendance apart from the people doing the cremation. No getting upset at the service, I could think about him in my own way on the day and there wouldn’t have been many people at the service anyway. I hope that going back to writing can help you. I chose a A4 hardback notebook with a red cover as red was my partner’s favourite colour. I will remember the advice on a smudge proof pen and have a box of tissues to hand
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I did the same thing. I wrote by hand. I wrote my eulogy to my darling wife by hand. I then wrote a long goodbye to her (using smudgeproof ink!). I cried virtually all the way through it. I have both handwritten and printed records of her illness from diagnosis to her dying. It all helps in the long process of grief. I have everything stored in a separate box both for myself and our sons. I also have a box file containing handwritten scribbles relating to her final battle with cancer. I haven’t read any of it for awhile, but in the future I know that if I need a good long cry, I only need to go to that box.
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It was 12 months for me this weekend and I’ve still not thrown or gone through my husband’s things or sold his car or van, I’m not ready, it hurts so bad. Do it when you are ready, we are in no rush. I feel like I’ve gone back a year, I’m broken, it’s such a deep loss, I am trying to find me and create a new life but it’s so hard. Love and strength to all xx
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I’m still trying to find a way of surviving. I seem to have come to a dead stop now. I can’t see the point in showering it takes so much energy. There’s only me here so who cares if I don’t feel like dusting and hoovering. Or washing. Or tidying the garden. I used to keep it nice but the reason for doing anything has gone.sometimes I’m too tired to get up before 12 .as there is no reason too. I haven’t done anything for John nothing to remember him by. I normally plant a tree or get an unusual plant for people who have died but am too sad to choose something like a piece of jewellery or a picture. Don’t know if I t would help to take vitamin B12 to try and stop being so lacklustre. I’m 79 so it does feel like my life is over now. Sorry to be so down. Hope other people are managing better. Xx
I found my husband unresponsive in bed at 52. Had to try CPR until the ambulance arrived. Deep down I knew he’d gone but kept trying. Next week it will be a year since he died of a heart attack completely out of the blue. Just when i think it can’t get any worse. It does. I love him, miss him and cant wait to join him
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Hi Blondie58 i lost my husband of 50 years in October from heart attack he looked fit and healthy but just went out and never came home like you i feel so lonely we did so much together i hate getting up and having cup of tea on my own going out coming back to a empty house like you i dread the future I don’t want to be here. The pain never goes away i cry all the time. People tell me it will get better time is a great healer but they are just cliches sorry if i’m a misery but thats what my life is now every word you wrote resonates with me
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So sorry for your loss of such a young man. My heart goes out to you. Xx
I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my wife last September we were married for 38 years. I still can not come to terms with her not here.i have started bereavement counciling the first one already helped. I am going to have 6 sessions more if i need them she is very nice .that is all I wanted to say once again. I am so sorry for your loss xxx
I can feel your pain, it’s an enormous loss, I really hope you can feel a bit better soon.
I too have left the garden, I used to love showing Mark my latest cuttings, and the new plants that I had planted.
Now I just look out of the window, and think, what is the point.
The garden table has been smashed in the wind and just lying on the ground, the greenhouse has had windows broken by the wind, I just cannot be bothered with it anymore.
I am weepy all the time, and it hurts too much to look at the photographs of him.
I send you my love and hope things start to feel easier for you xx
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Cab, I understand how you feel, I lost my beloved husband to cancer, in November he had just turned 50 in june.
I too just want to be with him, after 22 years half of me is missing
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My situation is virtually identical to yours Poppet, only I’m several months further down the line. I lost the love of my life to cancer on the last day in August last year. She turned 57 whilst in hospital. We were together for 21 years. I still feel robbed. I love her just as much now and I still miss her every single day. I visit her memorial bench twice a week and put out fresh flowers. However, I am definitely improving. I keep myself busy and I’m slowly but surely getting my life back on track. It’s what she wanted. She was the most caring and unselfish soul. There’s always hope. Our lost partners wouldn’t want us to dwell in eternal anguish.
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That’s exactly how i feel poppet73 as if half of me has been taken don’t know how to carry on don’t want to,looking to the future fills me with dread so many empty years ahead 
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Yes, I feel like ive been robbed of 30 or 40 more years with my husband, especially if he had a chance of still being here.