@Diggerdave it’s the hardest thing we could ever do, but we can, one day at a time and I think our partners would be definitely willing us on, life is precious, I think we owe it to them to honour that and do the best we can. When we are ready, one foot in front of the other, take care
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As i said it will be hard for me to carry on without my wife we were married for 38 year’s i will not survive without her .
I was married 53 yrs and now live alone. I wake up around 8am then lie in bed till around10.30am trying to get up but am too tired and have no incentive to get up. I have some cereal then read new posts on here. Then just sit about trying to summon up some energy to hoover or dust or change bed but I end up just sitting about. I don’t drive and there are still no buses running so how do I get out. How do other housebound people cope please. Xx
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Yes my family and friends say that to me, if it happens to them, then maybe they will know what we’re going through.
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As you say unless you have gone through this if you have then you know what people on here myself it is hard losing my wife after 38 years.xxx
I too was married 38 years and i know she was worried about me. She made me promise to take care of the family and take care of myself. For the sake of her memory and my family, i will do.
Those thoughts are common in our situation though. I’ve been there, but i had good reasons not to do so.
Please don’t give up!!!
I did, i could imagine walking through the curtain to the other side, to be met by an irrate Hazel who would give me hell for doing so.
Get help, keep talking and good luck
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My wife made me do the exact same thing. As soon as she knew she had cancer she turbed to me and made me promise to look after our boys. That helps keep ne going, I couldn’t bear the thought of not carrying out my promise to my dying wife who I love with all my heart and soul.
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Hi the exact same thing hapoened to me.Married 42 years and looking forward to retirement.I am struggling 7 months in to cope with constant flashbacks of that night.It still seems like yesterday.
Nobody knows the pain of losing a loved one unless they have been there too. Friends and family tell me to keep busy and to see friends and family as much as possible. I do, but the loneliness and sadness is there all of the time … we were always together since retiring. There seems no point anymore without my dear husband. Yesterday I went for a burger for my lunch on my own (just to get out) and the lack of my husband’s company was so painful I found myself crying in public. It’s 5 months since he passed seems like 5 years. Where do I go from here 
???
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I wish I knew, I’m sorry but haven’t found anything that works. I really admire your strength and courage in going out for lunch at all, especially on your own, and if you cry, frankly, so what? You have every right. Besides, I’ve not even managed food shopping without crying though I no longer just walk out…
Where do we all go from here? Another don’t know. Maybe wherever the day takes us, and only when we’re ready. I’m not. I can’t think of doing anything whatsoever without feeling sick. Take heart from knowing that you’re even beginning to ask where to go from here…
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Thank you for your reply. I don’t feel strong, everything seems so pointless without my husband. I really mustn’t look to the future as there seems no future for me anymore. I have two caring sons who are of course missing their dad but I don’t think they fully understand what I’m going through. Other friends and family were there for me when my husband first died but now they seem very distant. May be they think I should be getting over my loss, if so, they really have no idea what it’s like to be in my shoes. Of course they have their own lives to live and I don’t wish to sound selfish. How people get through losing their partner, I really don’t know. I am trying so hard to be strong and get on with my life ….its such a sad lonely place
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I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. All of us on here know it only too well.
Your comments about the way others react are absolutely right. Maybe everybody who knows somebody whose just lost someone close ahould be forced to read them - you sum up how/why people tend to react and they way we often try to find excuses for them superbly.
I hope you find each day a little less awful every time.
Again thank you for your understanding reply. I sometimes think I might be over reacting to my loss, but the feelings I’m experiencing are deep rooted due to the closeness and love I shared with my late husband. We were married very happily for 48 years, met when we were 16 and 17. Since retiring few years ago we were together 24/7. I did at times feel we may be too much in our own little “bubble” but that was the way we wanted to be. When you have been in and experienced such a close relationship as we had it was inevitable that once one of us died it would be immensely difficult for the one left behind. I know this worried my husband, we used to joke and say “I’m going first” as we knew how devastated the one left behind would feel.
I really appreciate being able to come on this platform and share my feelings with all those who find themselves in this awful
position as myself. I have left comments in the dead of night on here when I’ve woken full of devastation. It does help offloading my grief. I hope too my comments help others as I know loneliness plays a huge part in losing a loved one. Sending my very best wishes to all treading this awful path.
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You are not overreacting as I feel like that too. My husband always said that he wanted me to go first as he was stronger to deal with it.
He was right. After 15 weeks ive hit rock bottom and just want to give up.
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My darling late wife said virtually from when we first met that she wanted to go first as she just wouldn’t cope with losing me. She got her wish, but far too young for either of us to be happy with. I get solace from the fact that she hasn’t got to go through what I’ve had to since she passed. I know she would of coped as she was the strongest woman I hve ever met. She showed far more courage and bravery in her final days than I could ever do. Simply put, she actually was the rock we all clung to even when we all knew she was dying. I’m living on and coping simply because I don’t want my final promise to her to be a lie. I love her way too much for that. I find strength from the fact that she trusted me enough to ask for that promise. God I miss her so much and always will but I have responsibilities that she recognised. By making me promise to look after our family she gave me a purpose for after she had gone. I still have bad days but I’m fighting through them for her. She was my true love, and she’s irreplaceable.
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Maisie7 I completely get where your coming from my children miss their dad of course they do he was a wonderful father but they don’t get how i feel they have their own family jobs and busy lives for the likes of us it’s different we live this heartbreak twenty four seven we are lonely and the life we loved has gone as well as our soulmate wish i could say something positive but it’s five months since i lost my husband i still cry but not so much but shopping for meals for one always upsets me as do seeing couples together that are my age makes me feel so jealous but somehow we have to try to keep going one day at a time and not to look to far ahead sending hugs
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Jill and I weren’t lucky enough to meet until 2010 [ I knew my world had changed that very first day] and σhe only joined me in early retirement at the start of Covid, but other than that. Dates aside, everything youve written I could written myself.
Thank you for expressing it so beautifully.
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Dear Flints, I just read your post and have just joined this community. I am so sorry for your loss. I too experienced the sudden and unexpected death of my husband at the end of January 2025. He wasn’t ill, as far as we knew. He suffered a heart attack at home, in the night, and was taken to hospital by ambulance but died there. Between becoming unwell and dying it was a period of about 5 hours. You are experiencing a dreadful loss, as am I, and you are in shock because of the suddenness of it (as am I, and our grown-up son). I too feel that I cannot live without my husband. I can see nothing but long, empty days ahead and the house seems like both a refuge and a prison . I am told by those who have experienced similar situations of intense grief and loss that the grief doesn’t go away but you learn to grow around it. It will always be there, as will the happy memories you have of being with the person you lost, but new memories will be formed by doing things with others - and on your own - that give you some pleasure. Please know you are not alone in feeling like this - “out there” all over the world others are feeling exactly the same way. This doesn’t in any way make your pain or mine any less but it does, I think, help to know that what we are feeling is “normal’” and that, in time, we will learn to cope with it. The early days and weeks and months are very hard and there is so much to be done with paperwork and the like. When that’s all over we then have to think “now what?” and formulate some kind of a plan for coping with our loneliness and grief. I do hope my reply to you shows that people do care about how you feel and know for themselves what a feeling it is. Eleanor3 x
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Good morning all lets have a good day today xxx
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My boiler has just packed up. Not a promising start!