I’m only 6 weeks into this and foolishly thought I’d done well yesterday only to fall through the floor again today. I certainly recognise everyone’s pain and hope you all find a way to move forward. Today though I’m having one of those ’ I don’t want to move foward, just curl up in a ball and give up’ days.
My heart goes out to all of you who have had to deal with a sudden bereavement too, it must be truly awful.
Having said that, Jill fought cancer for nearly 4 years and we said our goodbyes too many many times in the last couple of months ( yes, I know I’m lucky in that at least) but in the end it makes no difference - the shick is devastating. She’d fought her way back from the brink so often that even knowing how bad things looked at the end I still believed she’d do it again
Huge hugs for you. Sincerest condolences. I don’t think it matters if you get chance to say goodbye or not, the finality of life is vile for us still living and 6 weeks is no time at all. You will still be extremely raw. You will have (what we call good days). And you hope the day after will be the same. No 2 days are the same and that’s okay, just run with it and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Sending love and strength x
I also lost my husband 6 weeks ago suddenly. He had heart disease, blood clot which led to a heart attack. Im so angry because his family had not told him that his brother had passed in 2021 at the age of 51 of exactly the same and there is history in the family of heart disease. John had been estranged from his family for 40 years but still had a little bit of contact with his sister.i am now making sure our 4 grown up children do not have the same problem as the the pathologist thinks it might be genetic.and Barts requested tissue samples Johns funeral us still two weeks away and eveyday is a struggle
Thank you for those words of comfort, I send my love to you.
Hello
I am so sorry for your loss, the pain of losing your partner is so heartbreaking, I am struggling to survive, every day is so hard, but I have my two youngest children still at home, they are in their early twenties, and their Dad was everything to them, as he was to me.
We have lost a most kind and caring person. I am scared every day, he was our protector, the one who looked out for us, now I feel we are so alone, it’s too hard to comprehend, and I know there are so many others feeling the same way …
I send you my utmost sympathy
@Flints i too have a son in his early twenties at home, hes a comfort and a concern to me ( trying to manage his grief and mine is difficult).
My Husband was our protctor too and knowing i have sole responsibility for house,finance and emotional wellbeing of us is daunting. I shall like us all keepi putting one foot in front of the other and plough on,if i think too far ahead its too scary. Take care
So very sorry.
I wish I had the magical answer to make the pain disappear.
I know I have looked for it.
All I can say is,
do not put pressure on yourself.
We all have our own way of grieving.
Some do not cry, some cry a bit and some cry for long periods.
Take it hour by hour, or day by day.
What works for you.
The different aspects of grief will appear at different points and can take you by surprise.
At some stage, there will be an ok day, which can take you by surprise.
There is the saying, it is ok not to be ok,
it is also true that is ok to be ok.
This is such a good site to find people who truly understand and care.
Sending a big hug xx
Some Valentine’s Day. Just realised that at this very moment 3 weeks ago the first note of the opening song at Jill’s service had played and I was in tears already. Have had to pull the car over.
My heart goes out to you all.
So very sorry
Yes it’s tough isn’t it PSHm3.
Thank you so much for your kind words, I can only hope things will get better.
I wish I could have said goodbye, I wish I had come down in the night, I maybe could have saved him, I hope I can find the strength to live my life without him, but I love him so much it’s so hard.
I try not to keep crying in front of the children, their Dad was so funny, always joking, now the mood is so sombre, I wish I could make them laugh, I just feel like we are surviving, instead of living. Hopefully there can be happiness again.
One day, it’ll take tlme and many setbacks and false steps but one day you will all get there.
Thank you xx
I finally got my first 1 to 1 counselling session yesterday after waiting for 6 months. It took me all of 2 minutes to start crying like a baby and that was the pattern for nearly the whole hour. So although i thought i was over the very worst, i obviously wasn’t. Then i was talking to a work colleague today who had also worked with my late wife and she repeated what many people have been saying, that my wife had been a wonderful human being. That set me off again. One thing i have learnt personally is that a good cry does you more good than bottling it up.
Guess I must have done myself a lit of good today then!
I really hope your counselling proves useful…but be prepared to be hit out of the blue at any random moment though.Sorry,stupid comment, how can we ever prepare ourselves…all we can do is ride it out and not beat ourselves up when it happens. Good luck.
It so does…i lost an ex partner October last year but followed the sudden death of a work mate in December 2023 who became a bright and kindred flame… my cat after 15yrs of shared life a few weeks later …a person i worked for at the tender age of 28 in July 2024 and had a close bond with then a friend of 38 years passed finally to her 5yr battle with ovarian cancer December 15th 2024 and i toppled like a literal house of cards… we’re in February and after weekly input from a therapist mostly paid for by myself I’m finally finally working through all of these losses in a what i believe to be a healthy fashion and ongoing support from my close family and friends 
… am i fixed? Certainly not… can i function… yes albeit slowly but necessarily do i believe there’s better yet to come…oh yes…i believe that because it what keeps me going and getting up every day… that and the responsibility for 4 teenagers that i didn’t create myself but are part of me… so yes… it can be done… and in my case… had to be done. And yes i know how lucky i am 🩷🩷
I understand as my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly sitting next to me.
No warning, no symptoms.
It is very traumatic.
Sending a very big hug xx
I think I must have had a similar experience to you as my husband suddenly and unexpectedly died in bed next to me as we were chatting. There was no warning and he didn’t even cry out. Ambulance crew couldn’t revive him. That horrific day was so surreal. I still can’t accept it.
My daughter, her partner and my 2 grandaughters have come to stay, as they did last February during half term. They’ve just gone out to visit friends and I’m sad and weepy because normally my husband and me would sit down together with a sigh of relief, have a coffee and be grateful for a bit of time to ourselves, but now its just me, on my own…lonely and sad.
I’m so sorry Lydia2, I cannot begin to imagine what you’ve been through - and are still going through.
I do though know exactly what you mean about your daughter and granddaughter. Seeing them is great, it helps fill the void, but the moment they’re not there the memories come crashing back and you’re faced with the emptiness again.
Stay strong, all you can do is enjoy their presence for now.
Thank you…you’re right. We do do need to appreciate what we do still have. Nothing stays the same and grief is part of life and love. Also I believe that there is continuation beyond this life. I say it nearly every week in church. ‘We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come’