Lydia, RoseGarden and all - a friend of mine, a widow who is the choir leader in my wife Mary’s church, said to me just yesterday “God provides that only the strongest partner survives - to think of it being Mary alone without you (and you truly know she couldn’t have done) is impossible to conceive”.
Mary, also a main choir member, always said that she couldn’t manage or go on without me, and that I wasn’t allowed to die first. I couldn’t promise that of course, but that was the way it turned out!
My wife said exactly the same to me. However, we never expected her to die so young. It cripples me inside knowing I could face a further 20 years without her instead of the handful I expected.
Sky, I really get that - I didn’t expect it so soon despite her health problems as they were all well controlled. Without exception every person has been numbed. I could possibly be in the same position as you.
I don’t know how to go on .i’ve been trying for four months now. I live alone now. My son works so I don’t see him much and he’s been working on his house on an evening. My other son lives 200 miles away. I just lie in bed till around 11am. Then I get up and just sit about. I don’t do housework. Too tired. I haven’t done anything for my husband. His grey box from crem. Just sits on the shelf. No nice container. I can’t see any future and things are not improving. I don’t there’s any real help out there. I have been looking.
I feel your pain, it is awful, and I too struggle with being left behind, and miss my husband intensely, I pray that things improve for you soon, but I know how much it hurts.
I send you my deepest sympathy and much love xx
Thank you for your sympathy. We had no idea John was ill. We had 5 weeks from diagnosis until his death after a fall in hospital. Apparently it was inoperable brain tumours. We were married for 53 yrs and didn’t bother with a social life just enjoyed drives in the country and each other’s company. I don’t drive so I’m in the house all the time.
I wish I could offer you, Yewtree, and everyone else on here who’s suffering, some kind of comfort, no matter how small. I can’t, I’m afraid. Certainly not today. All I’ve done today is look at my watch and think, 7 weeks ago we were… etc.
Just been told I should be grateful for the positive memories I’ll have of Jill. That I’m lucky . …
Lucky? Seriously?
The only way I’ll be lucky is if I don’t wake up in the morning.
Sorry to be so negative but that’s where I am .
PSHms - people just don’t understand! Try not to blame them! It’s 13 week for me and no-one who hasn’t been through this has no idea! but one day they will!
I understand how you feel, i I lost my beloved husband on 23rd November 2024 to cancer, like you I had 4 weeks from his diagnosis.
I miss him everyday and struggling without him.
Yeah, I have heard the ‘you had 21 years together. You were so lucky to have that’. I sometimes just want to scream ‘she was only 57 ffs. We should of had another 21!!’. I will always feel both cheated and robbed.
7 weeks for me and my family. My wife coped with it better than us, and she was the one dying. Right up until less than 2 days before she died she was organising her own funeral. She was truly remarkable. Which makes it even harder for us.
I am in the same situation, I can’t drive and we live six miles from the nearest town, my daughter can’t drive either, last week she missed the bus that is three miles walk, over muddy fields and had to run to work.
We live in a rented farmhouse and my husband was the main earner, so not only do I have the immense grief to deal with, we also have to leave our lovely home for somewhere cheaper, which in todays renting market is going to prove hard. Our whole lives have changed, and it’s so hard to see a way through it all. I hope that things will feel better for you in time. There are so many people like us, who have been thrust into uncertainty.
Much love to you xx
@Flints … I am sorry to hear of your loss and I feel your pain in missing your love and the plans you had for the future together. I lost my husband in a tragic accident a few months ago, he was a young 55 as well. I often don’t feel like I can live without him … and yet somehow we do keep finding the will, with gratitude and beauty amidst the shock and pain, to carry on and find meaning. My heart goes to you …
I too think it would be better to not wake up in the morning. People say treasure the memories, but I wrongly expected more time, I never thought I would be the one left behind, he was fifty eight, just, and I am sixty six, I thought we had memories to make.
To wake up one morning ready for work, and walk into the dining room and see the one you love sitting there lifeless, is a sight I will never forget, and it is a hard loss to bear, he looked peaceful, but it was so unexpected. Life is a so very hard sometimes.