So sorry to hear what you are going through. You could contact your MP by email. It’s his job to represent your interests. Definitely worth a try. Citizens Advice too are worth contacting too. Hoping it works out for you.
To @Trixie1 and @Julie55 I appreciate you taking the time to reply, as I do all the others. When people ask me how I feel, recently I get a bit guarded in my reply. I try and put on a brave face or say things like “ Not too bad thank you” .
I’m no mind reader but I’m sure their thinking that I’m depressed. If depressed means sad or unhappy or finding it difficult in getting over one of life’s most traumatic events, then yes I’m depressed but I don’t need pills.
What I do have are plenty of regrets and sadness. Regrets at not hearing her voice again, regrets at going to my Grandsons 18th Birthday celebrations later this month ALONE, going shopping ALONE, cooking for one not two, helping my wife if she needed me, going to bed ALONE etc etc. I could go on and on but what’s he point. It’s just too heartbreaking and let’s face it nothing is going to change.
On of the lowest points of the day for me is around teatime and the evenings. This a when I have the most desperate feeling of LONELINESS and feeling LOST as a solitary figure in the house, to the point of feeling uneasy, low and very tearful. There’s only so much TV a person can take. I sometimes talk to an imaginary JEAN but I can only imagine her reply. I’ve decided that my grief will be with me till the day I go. I am determined not to hide my grief as I didn’t hide my feelings for my JEAN.
When I sit down indoors my mind wanders and it is then that the memories come flooding back, some are good and comforting like those before she became unwell but the sadness comes back when I remember the later memories of her falls, her times up at the hospital and the gradual decline in her faculties and having to wash her and feed her with scant availability of help during Covid. It’s not surprising that I am traumatised.
Somehow I have to keep going.
Best wishes to all
MAX74
x
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I’m so sorry for you Max yes we are all alone and our grief is all different to each other but we try to cope as we know we must. It’s nearly a year for my dear husband and still painful. My family and friends but as you say at nights sitting on your own all night and going places on your home hurts everytime. When I see couples holding hands and couple waiting for buses it hurts also.
My family are so good and really help me but still feel lost sometimes.
I’m going on holiday with my daughter son inlaw and Grandson tomorrow.its going to be hard but Alan would want me too do that. Max it’s a long lonely road and you just have to take your time. Take care xx
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oh, so sorry. that is suffering. you lost your anchor and that is very hard.
takes a whole lot of time to heal from these things … like a broken tea cup, you
just remain with the cracks, I’m afraid. soldier on best you can as I guess that
is what society expects from us.
perhaps think on what your spouse would want you to do?
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Hi Ang1949
I know the holiday will be difficult at times as I’ve just returned from spending time with my son and his family in Spain. It was lovely being with them but the thought was always there that Ian should have been with us as well.
My granddaughter, who is four, always manages to make me smile and cry at times as she is always talking about her grandad. She has been told he has gone to heaven and during the holiday, and completely out of the blue, she wanted to know if her grandad walked to heaven or went by car!!!
I don’t know how old your grandson is but I’m sure he will love you being there.
Take care,
Julie x
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Hello Max
I can feel your heartbreak and I’m so sorry that nothing I say can take it away.
It’s been 13 months for me now and that sense of loneliness and lost is intensifying rather than easing. I don’t know why, whether it’s because the reality of my situation is taking hold who knows.
I too have been asked why I haven’t been to see a doctor and like you I’ve explained I’m just incredibly sad and grieving the loss of someone I had shared my life with for over 40 years.
I was shopping in Tesco tonight and suddenly I just started crying. Even though I lost Ian over a year ago, shopping for one still hurts so much …….
You take care of yourself and remember you are among friends who care,
X Julie
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Hi Max
Sorry the above post was for you but I just couldn’t work out how to change it.
Julie x
Thank you Julie that was lovely of you to reply. I’m so lucky as you are to have Grandchildren. Mine are grown up but so caring we love them dearly don’t we?
My granddaughter is 20 she comes to stay with once a week my Grandson is 16. He is so like his grandad and makes me laugh.
We will cope as we have to and miss them dearly. I say it’s a new life and have lots memories stay strong x
The enormity of losing my lovely wife is so enormous and difficult to take or accept. Even after 14 months I am sometimes in disbelief and still unable to take it all in,
Whatever tasks I do around the house, be it housework or cooking etc, my mind wanders to when Jean was here and then I have difficulty in completing the task in hand or whatever I’m doing and then I get sometimes oh so tearful and distraught. I find that my emotions swing from thoughtful to highly emotional.
After nearly 52 years of marriage it is not surprising that I cannot accept being alone and the dreadful feeling of utter loneliness it gives me. I almost wish that I wasn’t here? but I keep hoping for a better day and a slightly better future.
I think that the joy has gone out of my life without Jean by my side, she was after all my world for over half a century.
I still have mixed feelings about being alone indoors, sometimes the thought’s and memories are comforting and at other times I cannot wait to escape them and get out and talk and interact with other people. I hope this is making sense. The other day I wanted to listen to any music, as long as it had Jean’s name in it. I searched and searched the internet and found a song called “JEA N” which was the signature tune to the 1969 film “ THE PRIME Of MISS JEAN BRODIE”, I downloaded it and started to play it, after 10 to 15 seconds I was in tears I couldn’t carry on listening, it was too much.
I hope that some of you are slowly coming to terms with this awful and desperate situation we are all in. because I don’t know if I am anywhere close to it. I struggle at times to hold it together I must admit.
Take care
MAX74
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MAX74,
I haven’t seen any posting from you lately, I hope that you are as okay as any of us can be under the circumstances. I was just thinking about you. Take care, John
Hi max you are not alone my luv I’m in tears every day over my daughter s. As soon as I wake up that awful feeling of despair is there the pain in my chest the anxiety attacks are there daily my youngest daughter died this Jan due to breast and liver cancer she was 25 I’m totally devastated and heartbroken there’s no words to explain this awful feeling I to sometimes wish I wouldn’t wake up in a morning and that god had taken me instead but I keep coming on here chatting to these lovely people who are going through the same thing as me and you. Take care shellyanne xx
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Oh Shellyanne this is so sad we know its all expected this sad journey but your children shouldn’t go before you just so sad.
The journey is never ending this grief and comes in waves over you. I lost my husband of 53 years 1 year ago this month miss him terribly still but keep busy which helps and lovely family who help fill the void. Just have to keep going xx
Hi ang I’m having a real bad day tday been in tears most of the day so far I’m going up to the cemetery tomorrow and calling in on my other daughter s so that’s something to look forward to if feel guilty for not getting up more but I live 30 miles from Leah and Katie s grave I get up once a month religiously as with me not driving and my partner and I both work weekends are the only time I get up. I want to move bk nearer to my girls but that’s proving quite difficult as the pice of rents are high plus I’ve got to find a house that is pet friendly as I have my dogs who are my babies they know when I’m down bless em just got to try and find a way to deal with these guilt feeling s XX
You just have to muddle through as best you can. I’m lucky my girls live near and look after me but still miss there dad so much. Trying to stay positive around them but sometimes it’s no possible but they understand. You Just keep going all you can do 
xx
Thank you ang I’ve just been up to the shop and bought some Lillie’s which was Leah’s favourite flowers had a bit of fresh air n now I’m watching TV for a bit I feel a bit calmer it’s a good job we ve got people to talk to who knows how we all feel I thank you all for that. Xx
Thank you @john9 for your concern. I thought that I would take a break from posting, that’s the reason that you haven’t heard from me.
I found that putting what’s in my heart and mind out there both therapeutic and unimaginably sad at the same time.
I might be repeating myself but in the second year I am finding it harder. In the first year I was in total shock and found it difficult to take in that my Jean had gone. Also the appropriate arrangements were made last year etc, don’t ask me how or what, because I don’t remember it’s all a bit of a haze.
It’s still the quiet that gets me the most, plus the awful feeling of being alone. It feels eerily silent in the house now and particularly in the late afternoon and evening it makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable whereas before when Jean was here it felt comfortable and that marvellous tender feeling of being a loving couple.
Take care @john9 I hope that you are making progress and my heart goes out to you. Take care
MAX74
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MAX74,
I, myself feel that I have to post as much as I can to get my feelings out. Today is 76 weeks since I lost my loving wife and I miss her so much. Yes the loneliness is terrible and I don’t believe I am making any progress at all. I am still dreading every morning that I wake again after a terrible night of restless sleep. Sunday/Monday is 1 year since MIL died and her family seems to have forgotten both my loving wife and her as well. So I am surprised in so many ways that I am still here. Take care, John
Hi John
Yes I’m in my 2nd year to and it feels no better. I am full of doing things in evenings get up in deep dispair sit for hours unless got a plan. I do try to have plans but it isn’t always easy. Alan was my soul mate and its very difficult for us and my family are very good but I can’t keep going on to them. Just have to take a day at a time don’t you?
Try to focus on things your dear wife did and try doing things.
Our garden was Alan’s pride and joy so I focus on that and keep it nice.
Take Care Angela x
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I know exactly how you feel, as I feel just the same since losing my husband and soul mate.
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@Shellyanne I feel so desperately sad for you. No parent should loose their child. As a parent myself I can’t imagine how you are coping with the loss but I am thinking of you you and sending you a hug. x
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