Hello all,
my beautiful wife passed away on April 29th and I thought my life had finished.
The thought that she will miss out on things, not be there, her wonderful smile.
Four months in and I do feel better.
I have had hypnotherapy once a week and back at work doing 30 hours a wee.
I have also joined “Andyman’s” which focuses on any mental health issues.
I am lonely but realise that life changes and nobody really knows about the future.
All of this has got me to a place where I am not sick in the morning,the hurt has lessened
I am trying to stay positive, my motivation is my wife who I believe would want me to do my best in life. I knew Carole for half my life, like many of you with your partners she was my soul mate.
I am still taking life slowly but am finding joy in things, I aw a beautiful sunset the other day and smiled, Ca’ loved looking at sunsets.
I wish you all some release from the heartache, I actually feel guilty that I can smile at things but I cannot change things.
I would swap places in a hearbeat but know I can’t so I do my best.
Apologies for waffling, I just wanted to say that I wish you all the best and hope at some point you can smile at the beautiful memories you all have.
Joe x
That’s what I am striving for
@joeb40 I am so glad you have posted those words. It gives me hope that there is a future be it a totally different one to what we knew. Like you I lost my husband in April, followed by my mum 9 days later. I have coped with my mother’s passing as she had Alzheimer’s and I know she is at peace and no longer suffering. My husband was 75 (14 years older than me) and had no signs of illness
He died in his sleep peacefully and I am so grateful he didn’t suffer. So sudden and unexpected and the grief was overwhelming. 3 weeks prior to his death we had a random conversation about how either one of us would cope when the time came. I relive that conversation over in my head constantly since. My husband said at the time he hoped he went first as he said out of the two of us, I was the stronger, capable and positive one and that he would struggle on his own. He said that the one thing he wanted if he were to go first is that he wanted me to carry on and make a life for myself. I now cling to those words and although it is still early days I know I have to honour his wishes as I would want him to if it had of been me. Yes, life is so lonely and I want him back desperately but I know that wish will never come true. Step by step I know I can and will get to a place where I can smile again at all the memories we made. Wishing you all the very best on your journey. Carole would be so proud of you. x
Thank you, and best wishes on your journey xx
Hi. Not a good day tday feel very lonely and isolated even though my partner is here with me I went to my daughter s grave yesterday and took them some Lillie’s they was Leah’s favourite flowers s I feel so much comfort while I’m.there but when I come home I feel so low and I sob buckets till my chest hurts to loose 1 daughter is devastating but I lost Leah in January this year I’m absolutely inconsolable I keep asking why have you took two of my girls I try and stay as positive as I can but it’s so hard. Xx
I wish there were some words to bring you comfort. As a parent myself, I can’t imagine your grief at loosing Leah so young to such a cruel disease. No parent should have to bury their child and I feel your pain in your post.
I can only send you a hug and let you know you are in my thoughts. xx
It’s terrible, can’t eat, just can’t stop crying. He only died on Friday. Still waiting for funeral. Life will be very difficult from now on.
Thank you so much it’s just so hard loosing 2 daughters Katie was stillborn at 40 weeks I had to give birth natural which screwed my head up we had a proper funeral for her and it was Leah’s wish to be buried with Katie which she was. At least I know they are together which brings me a little comfort but I doesn’t stop the absolute despair feeling and the heartache the anxiety bouts it’s just so hard for all of us that comes on here but at least we know we are not alone. Take care luv. Shellyanne XX
I’m so sorry for your loss there’s nothing anyone can say to help or make you feel better. It’s very early days luv and you are going to go through every emotion possible I’m still going through it and she passed in January and I’m struggling everyday keep coming on here and let everything out take care. Shellyanne XX
Hi Joe want so much to get to a better place can I ask about the hypnotherapy I am really interested in this can it be done through theNHS at all sending hugs and thanks to you
T
Hi Tracey,
Not sure if it can be done through the NHS.
I see a man called Will Hynd once a week via Zoom. He has really helped me with my state of mind and has got me thinking positively and generally feeling better.
I know my life is forever changed, I am just trying to do the best I can and Will has been a big part of this.
Good luck
Joe x
Joe thank you so much for the reply I have been able to get hold of him and have a taster on Wednesday xox
Hi Tracey,
That’s good news, I am sure he can help.
Joe x
MAX74,
I haven’t seen any posts from you lately. I know you said you were taking a break, just checking to see if you are doing okay. I am still having a hard time myself and it has been a rough couple of weeks. My Birthday and then the 18 month mark since my loving wife died were back to back and I have been very emotional since. Take care, John
John9
Thank you for your kind thoughts and I am very sorry that you are having a tough time of it.
Apart from the coincidences of our first names, and the unimaginable loss of both our wives, I also am struggling if that’s the right word to accept that my wife has gone. The loss of Jean I still am unable to accept. Although my Daughter, Son and Grandchildren have been marvellous, at the end of the day and particularly nighttime’s I come home to a silent and dark home. The other day I had my first proper nightmare where I dreamt I was searching for Jean. It was horrible.
It’s also the feeling of being alone which kills me, I don’t know about you ?
I am still seeing a Bereavement specialist which may help long term, apparently the average time scale for grief is 2 years. I think currently for me it will be much longer.
The other day I was in our kitchen washing up the lunch things thinking to myself is this it now, is this what my life has come to, plenty of sadness, little enthusiasm to do much. It’s feels a bit unreal and depressing.
With the passing of our Queen Elizabeth recently has heightened my grief, sadness and made me very tearful.
I’m sorry if I sound a bit down I expect you get a bit like that
too. I do appreciate you keeping in touch and cross my fingers that things improve for you.
Wishing you all the best.
MAX74
Ps I will keep in touch
MAX74,
I feel the same that this grief will last longer than 2 years, I think I will be grieving until I take my last breath. I understand how the Queens death made everyone there sadder, it did me and I am in the States and it hurt. But I am glad you are doing as well as anyone can in this terrible journey we don’t want t o be on. Take care, John
MAX74,
I’m just checking to see if you are okay, or at least as much as you can be. It was 20 months last Friday for me and it is harder each day and night. Also I have been sick, think I got food poisoning on Friday as well. So many things just seem to always happen at once anymore. Take care, John
I’m not too good but just have to carry on x
Thank you John9 for your comments. I’m sorry that I haven’t posted for a while. I must admit that it’s been a daily fight to contain my grief. I still visit a grief counsellor every two weeks for help and advice. Although I have two children I still find the Aloneness very difficult to bare. I find every day difficult and I struggle on a daily basis with my emotions. The best way that I can describe how I feel since I lost my Jean is like living in a world of colour and moving at the moment to a monochrome world. I’m not saying that my life is all doom and gloom but it is so difficult to move forward without Jean, Baby steps people say but Baby steps to my mind mean painful steps.
The grief I believe will always be not far away.
I’m sorry that you’ve been I’ll. Take care my thoughts are with you.
Best wishes
MAX74
MAX74,
I’m not sure if you are still here, but if you are I was wondering how you are doing. I am still here, but was just diagnosed with Cancer of the Esophagus and just got out of the Hospital and haven’t started any treatments yet. Take care, John
John9
Thank you for contacting me. I am so sorry to hear of your health problems. Keep positive.
I have been pretty quiet with my posts on here recently.
Now 21 months since my Jean passed away I am still missing her like crazy. Every two weeks I still have grief counselling and every week I meet up with a couple of guys to walk and talk about our feelings etc at the loss of our wives.
They say it’s good to talk
I had been with Jean 56 years and married for nearly 52 years so to suddenly not have her in my life is impossible to describe. I still after all this time shed a few tears for her.
I still check this website out from time to time so don’t think that I have gone away.
Please take care of yourself and I hope that things get better for you.
I will keep checking on here
So all the best
MAX74