Hi
I feel that Tykey has kindly shared with us how he is managing his own grief. Surely we should all be open to advice.
This forum is supposed to be ‘where we can say what we feel and not be judged’ so whether we think he will manage to end his grieving or not is up to Tykey himself. He has taken up the challenge and being positive which can’t be bad.
Pat
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I truly wasn’t judging Tykey or criticising him in his attempt to banish grief. I was just shocked, surprised and just a bit jealous that he felt he could do that in such a short time or, indeed, at all . As people have said, how we each handle our grief is up to us and no-one else. If I have offended anyone, I apologise.
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Hi there Ann
I wasn’t offfended in the slightest. I just admire anyone that is doing their best to get through their nightmare life with grief.
We all have our ways of coping and I am open for idea’s. I was interested in Tykey’s method and hope he will keep us informed as to how he gets on.
Love Pat
xxx
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Hi Sheila
I think I am going along the same lines as yourself. I can’t watch a weepy programme and no longer sit at the dining room table, in fact I have moved it out. It’s also a lap job for meals.
At the start of this journey we have no idea what we will do, we just grope along doing our best.
You won’t cause offence. Tykey has put his method of greiving out on the forum and if it works for him or even a few others who give it a go then it can’t be bad.
Pat
xx
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How you think you’ll cope when someone passes to how you actually are when it does happen - is a complete new ball game.
That’s why we are all on this forum trying to understand & come to grips with it.
Advice I was given in the early days was not to let others dictate but to do what feels right for me. .
Be your own person, listen to others, their advice may help - but at the end of the day , you will know what’s best for yourself.
P. s. Marti Pellow on the radio set me off this morning!!
G. X
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Hi there G
I agree. I knew I was going to lose my husband and I began to think about my life without him, even to deciding how I would cope. Has anything worked out as I expected, absolutely not. I just never expected to be hit by so many debilitating emotions therefore I am always interested to hear how other people find some comfort but at the end of the day we somehow have to find our own way through the fog.
Pat
xx
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Hi Sheila,
I could have written exactly what you had said, that’s my life in a nutshell, so I say what’s now.
I’m 80 and independent, the thing I want most I can’t have, I make out John is still here, tell him what I’ve done everyday, I like to still have that connection, I lost him a year ago on the 18th December, I don’t want to loose him again as they say move on. Nobody would never come close to that wonderful man, so I’ve got to think differently, I have lots of acquaintances,
I also have two sons but I want them to get the best life they can have, without worrying about me.
I will be on my own for Christmas, one son and his wife and my grandchildren Live abroad.
I remember when I was a little girl my grandparents use to come to our home at Christmas and fall asleep in the corner, was it just a duty, I’m sure they probably would have preferred to have been in there own home.
The invention of FaceTime or messenger is wonderful, wouldn’t it be good if we could connect to people on this site.
I’m going on a days coach trip tomorrow on my own to Waddesdon Manor to see the house all done up for Christmas. Woodland walk all lit up. Gift huts.
I know I will think all the time I wish John was with me.
I hope one day you and I will love life again.
Lovelylady
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Hi Sheilax, I would speak to the texting son… I have a 32 year old son. You could talk to him and say you would expect a little bit more support and that you would like to feel closer to him, tell him you love him and ask him if that’s possible.
Extremely well said Ann x
I find this very inspiring,I lost my husband of forty years ten months ago and I don’t feel as though I have moved an inch forward emotionally since the day he died.
I have lacked hope and meaning in my life and grief drains my energy.
This post gives me hope to be able to find a way to live with him in my heart and together create a new beginning.He would always want to be the positive influence in my life.x
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your words are exactly my thoughts ,especially just soneone to have a coffee an chat or go for a meal
But familys have a busy life of there own and nobody else wants to know you, including neighbours it seems a natural thing that you are put in a category of your own when you are on your own
its iether a group or dating , just company would be a starter for any change of life
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AnnR
I totally agree with all you say. I lost my darling husband two years ago and I feel exactly like you. I have a full life like you but it will never be the same as my life was with the love of my life. I have reconciled myself to that.
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I didn’t know you had ever met her, so you feel able to judge her like this. I’ll tell you about her:
She was (and still is in my heart) a beautiful, kind and considerate lady. who wanted happiness for everybody. that would include me. if I chose to live in misery in her memory, she would be extremely upset. I spent 50 years trying to make her happy, and if the tables were turned, I’d be extremely happy if she got on with her life, retaining only happy memories of me, as I do of her.
It’s not black and white
Your comment will not make me feel guilty, its a bit hurtful to say this. I’ll not be dragged downwards by anybody.
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Hi Tykey,
If someone had written that I was a beautiful, kind and considerate lady, then my heart would be singing and my love for them and others would radiate happiness for sure.
My thoughts are…be true to yourself and follow the path of your heart…with kind and heartfelt wishes, x
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I wish more people had your attitude. I lost my husand in Nov 2020 ad o also decided after two years to start living life to the full again. I met my long lost cousin in Nov 2022 and started dating him. He is a widower of 9 years but now sadly he tells me he cannot move on and still feels msrried to his dead wife. This has mafe me sad.
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Hi
Just read all the posts……
There are always two sides to everything
When to do this that or the other
For me 26 weeks tomorrow yes half a year! I miss Paul like mad
Want my life back …….
And personally feel I haven’t moved on since the night he died
But…….and maybe I have moved a little Paul would not want me to grieve for ever and ever
My counsellor says we still have a life ……. So true
So maybe in the middle whatever works for you do it
I’m not ready will I ever be who knows
I just know at the moment I’m utterly truly heartbroken and just feel alone bereft pointless existence functioning …… the list is endless
Take care
Xx
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Hi Bess I totally understand where you are coming from. I honestly don’t feel any different since my husband died nearly twelve months ago. Each day I still have that heavy weight in my chest and that feeling of dread. That has never lifted or felt any lighter. I just want my man back even though I know that can never be. Sending love to you.X
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Hi Loobyloo
Thank you for your thoughts
I really appreciate them it just proves I’m not alone
But in reality we are
We loved to watch Micheal McIntyre ( been to see him)
I’ve just watched his Big Show……
First programme I’ve watched since Paul passed away
I know why….
So lonely it’s untrue
Folks with a partner just don’t get it
They will one day
I wouldn’t wish how we feel on anyone
Going to bed now and cuddle his Rab coat
Heartbroken
Xx
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I understand what you say .
However in my case the grieving will only end when I stop breathing. I just cannot let my husband go.
Of course I have adapted, in order to continue living. I do lots and I progress my life, even enjoy things . But my grief is here to stay.
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sometimes what is not meant to be, just is that.
at least you have dated a very short time so you will not spend time with someone with no future. I think if you are dating best to know sooner than later if there is something. break ups are easier when you are not too deep in … just my two cents. 
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