Hi its sounds so positive and promising.
Some of us at least me, who believes that a life time is not long enough to recover from this sadness, loneliness and pain.
Possibly 12.5 weeks is too soon but i am living in the past and dont know how to move on or whether i want to without increasing that guilt.
Well done for your progress and thank you
Tske care
Hi i know nothing serms to be enough !
I love my family to pieces and my friends are good friends. But whether they are all af the same time with me or individually i put a brave front, but deep inside i am constantly sad and lonely. many times i have to go to the bsthroom so that i have a minute on my own and have a short but deep cry.
I know some of them noticed what i sm doing and give me a cuddle .
I miss my darling so much that like you i never ever thought i could be so lonely.
Today was a beautiful warm day just right for him to be doing some outdoor activity…what a shame and how sad i feel so lost.
Take care
Hi De
I don’t think I’ve recovered or ever will. I think I’ve identified a desire, and maybe even a need, to move forward and to challenge those things that were dragging me down. I’ve always been a bit “if it feels good do it and if it doesn’t then don’t”.
I’m not the person I was at 12 weeks but, like everyone else, gradual changes were taking place.
Obviously we can’t live in the past but I understand what you mean. At some point, and I’m sure it’s different for everyone, we have to accept the reality of the situation and make the necessary accommodation and adjustment. I’ve challenged myself with a variety of different things and learned from the outcomes. We are learning new skills and a new way of being.
Due to my long standing interest in the mind, and how it controls all we are and all we do, I am confident in my belief that transformation is possible and that it is driven by the will. It probably helps if we are susceptible to the power of possibility.
Like you’ve said, you are not sure if you want to move on and it’s hard to see how you could until you have that commitment.
As for the guilt that’s a difficult one. My approach was just to try and work out what it achieved.
I’m confident you will not be the same person in another 12 weeks.
Dear YorkshireLad
Thank you so much for those words of support. My first challenge will be to regain my self confidence. My husband would not recognise me at all!!
Take care
Hi William you were brave going to see the band. Hope Margaret was with you.
I wish i could feel that my husband is with me. Its probably the hardest time we have been. Lets hope that they will help us to feel the peace we need to reduce that pain and loneliness.
Take care too
Hi
I honestly don’t know if Margaret was with me like you I wish I could feel her presence but I don’t. I would love to have a sign that she was ok and watching over us but nothing yet. Here’s hoping.
Take care
William
Hi Good morning
Same here i am waiting for that sign. I so much want to know that he is ok and watching over me too . I ask every day for this to happen. Lets see
Hope you have a good week.
De
Good morning
I’m on a weeks holiday from work so finding the days very long. There’s only so many times I can walk my little dog I think his legs are getting shorter. Finding it difficult to fill the hours and keep busy. There’s too much time to sit and think which always ends badly. Let’s hope we have a better day.
Take care
William
I’m with you De I ask for a sign. I go to the cemetery everyday and talk to him. He must be a bit fed up of me continually asking him to come to me and at least let me know how he is. I then go and sit on a bench with my eyes closed for a few minutes and wait for something, anything. Last night it was becoming dusk and I listened to the birds but they was becoming quiet. As I got up to walk away a bird started singing loudly. I imagine that the loudest bird is him as he was a singer. I turned to see if I could see the bird. It was a loan Robin on a branch nearby. I sat back down and talked to it. I sat for about fifteen minutes and the bird went on singing. Another walker came by and I had to stop my conversation. I like to think it was my Brian. I ask him everynight to come to me. He has been a couple of times in a dream and both dreams made real sense at the time.
Dreamstate, Patti is a powerful state, our loved ones in the spirit world can visit us freely, sometimes we remember sometimes we don’t. For me I find that I crave to remember every dreamstate connection I can. I do feel Alan is with me every moment of every day, sometimes I lapse and wonder if he truly is, then I get a subtle message to me he’s still here with me. I truly hope you receive these subtle messages too ☆ blessings ☆
Hi, yes I can feel him being around. My alarm clock is projected onto the ceiling. His favourite number is 4 and his birth year was 48. When I wake up at night there seem to be always a 4 on the ceiling and sometimes 04.48. For a couple of years we didn’t have Blackbirds in our garden and I said not long before he passed that I miss hearing the dawn and dusk choirus of their beautiful voices. The day of his funeral after everybody was gone I stepped into the garden for some air to be greeted by the most beautiful blackbird singing. I looked everywhere for the bird but couldn’t see it. As soon I stepped back inside only because I was getting cold the bird stopped. When I switch the radio on one of our favourite songs are playing. I do feel closet at home to my husband. I haven’t dreamed about him jet but he is only gone 5 weeks.
Had a dream not long after he died and in the dream he was opening an old case and pointing into it. Then family started to clean out the loft which is a mammoth task as my husband was a champion hoarder. We had worked for hours and decided to pack it in. As I started down the ladder I noticed an old case underneath a pile of things. We dragged it out and took it downstairs it was locked and I had to use a hammer to break it open. Inside was years of memorabilia/photo’s of my husbands. Things from his life before me and we had been married thirty years. He must have locked it away when we married. His daughters have totally blanked me. Won’'t answer phone calls and letters. I dreamt that they was being childish. Grown women but talking like small children. Brian walked into the room and said don’t worry I will sort them out. The blasted alarm clock went off at that moment and woke me up. Still having problems with them so not sure what he is doing. Every night I live in hope that he will come.
Hi Pattidot that was a powerful dream. That’s one thing I have to do jet, my husband has been a hoarder as well, all his fishing stuff a whole shed full. I still can’t face it. I hope your dream was a message and your stepdaughters will change their ways. Sending a big hug
Hi All
I envy at thd moment anyone wifh any connection…i ask and ask and so much i want to know he is ok. And try hard to start bringing bright, funny and good memories we had, but my sadness and lonliness dont seem to allow them in. May be that 12 weeks is too soon.
Patti hòpe Brian will sort his girls out !.
Take care xx
Apologies for the geroglifical text… didnt press the right keys… worse with watering eyes…
Hi, today seems to be very difficult the thought of caring on on my own when we did everything together gribs me with fear. It is a very lonely painful road. I am waiting for David’s ashes to come home where he meant to be. I think I will get some cancelling. I’m not coping well at all.
Yes we did so much together, but Brian did like his own space at times, so he shut himself away painting, he was a very private person. Very frustrating at times. We lived a busy life though and I’m carrying on with our interests which keep me busy. My commiserations at having to sort out hubbies things. It can be a nightmare. It took me five weeks to get through his Art/Music/Photography/Computer things. Some of his music instruments are at an auction next month. The loft is three part done and I’ve been tidying the shed. At least I can get in it now. So many tools and I have no idea how to use them. Will have to see if there’s any classes to teach me. Car load to go to the land fill tomorrow that’s five visits so far. I have got on with it as I don’t want to have to think about it anymore. Perhaps it’s too soon as I shed so many tears while doing it. How he would have hated me messing about with his things. Yes, I was gripped with that sudden intense sense of fear today after having a good day out walking. Never quite know when it will happen.
I don’t think he has sorted out his daughters, still as ignorant as ever. Although one did contact me last week, at least she got her husband to do it, and we never had anything to do with him. The message was that they would come and collect an item of my husbands, so I was to get it ready for them. Since his death in November I have telephoned and written to them and had no replies now four months later they think I’m going to hand over anything to them. I don’t think so. She hadn’t even the good manners to phone me herself, possibly she could have apologised for not answering any of my letters or even for not bothering with her father before he died. I honestly don’t think in life Brian would have been bothered.
Hi Patti. Its their loss. I never inderstood some peoples behaviours when the act so rude and bitter. If Brian would not have been bothered neither would you. Just remember the lovely life you both had. Not doubt with ups and downs but strong and together with the bond called love.
You could do without that unpleasant attitude so keep strong and look after yourself.
Big hug
I was pleased to read your comments because I thought I must be a really horrible person. I also look at other people and wonder why they are alive when my husband with his zest for life is gone. I feel very bitter and it’s not a nice feeling. If someone mentions some minor ailment they have I find myself feeling really bad tempered and thinking how dare they complain about such trivia. I think I am turning into a very nasty person but I am trying hard to be a bit more generous in my thoughts.