I think it depends on whether the husband/wife is above state pension age. John was and I wasn’t. I won’t get any ongoing money from his state pension but I will get credits from his pension added to mine when I retire if I don’t marry again. I did get a little money which they said they owed him though.
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Cb326
Hi, I receive £68 60 more than the basic pension.
This is obviously from his protected contributions.
I think with the old pension which finished in 2017 you could claim all of your husbands pension, not
less than 10%
Sandra s x
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Yes that sounds about right. The extra £80 per month I get is still only a tenth of his pension. Hope you are managing OK. Carol. X
Dear Sandra_S
I am in same position, I have to wait 6 years longer for my pension. My husband never got involved with the finance side of things except for putting all his pension papers in one place.
Someone told me to go to the Pensions Ombudsman about the decision being reached by the other pension companies but little point, if Government can rob us/our husband’s then nothing will be done about private organisations.
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Hi Sandra
I know exactly what thats like, my sons and daughter in law sat with my wife (their mum) for 4 days watching her get worded and worse. We had an extra bed in the side room so we used to hot bed sleep but I stayed awake with her, I said goodnight to her and she passed in my arms. So painful for us all as I’m sure it was for those in similar circumstances. We just managed to get to 38 years and she past the next day after my sons wedding anniversary. I’m sure she was just hanging on. I remember clearly walking out the hospital, as I did many a time before, then I used to think what it will be like when it comes to the last time, but this time it was for real. Nothing could have prepared me for that final walk, leaving her and not seeing her again will haunt me forever. I got the nurse to promise that she will be looked after and treated with respect. She did promise and I have to hope that was the case. I remember collecting all the stuff that we had accumulating in that side room and taking it out with us, another thing that I had watched people do but again, I was actually doing it for my wife this time. I just don’t know how we manage of sorts with these experiences on our shoulders. But at least I was there by her side with her family, and that’s a blessing. I only hope that when she went asleep, she did it knowing we were all there.
One thing I will say, my wife suffered 3 cardiac arrests in my presence, and flat lined each time, luckily being a first aider, I could keep her going enough until the medical experts arrived. My wife said that there were no bright lights, it was just like going asleep. Not sure which way to take that, other than it was peaceful. So I take comfort from that and hope that when it did happen, she just fell asleep, hence me saying night night to her and giving her a kiss like we used to each night. Anything else for me would be to tormenting and I couldn’t cope with a more traumatic ending to
Keep as a lasting memory.
Sometimes I think we’re left behind for a reason , and that is we need to be the strong ones to endure so that their love can be projected through us to those left behind, we are the guardians of their spirits, so we must get through this for them as much as for our family and ourselves.
My heart understands your heart ache. God bless
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Hi Lesley I lost my hubby just over 3 years ago he was 59 had bowel cancer horrible death but I managed to stop with him till the end the government told me I wasn’t entitled to any of his state pension because the law changed and you don’t now get widows pension so I had to carry on working till I was 66 to get my state pension they really had it in for us ladies working extra 6 years then taking again everything away from us !! But I still get really anger about all this but then I think how lucky I was that my hubby pick me out of all the world to be with and marry he was the best that ever happened to me always love him and I speak to him every day So everyone one of us that have lost someone just you think to yourself how lucky you was that they picked you sometimes it helps with the pain love to everyone x
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Hi Mikeh,
It’s amazing that you were able to keep her going.
You had her for a little longer.
My husband went to icu on the Sunday and they were doing tests continually.
It was obvious on the second day that he wasn’t coming back.
I remember them shining a light in his pupils, I tried to look if they reacted but couldn’t see. I was pretty sure that they were still.
After they removed the breathing tube and his consultant had spoken to me, they told us it would be quick.
My son said no mum it won’t, dad always had a plan b.
He was right, he struggled to breathe for another two days.
I too believe they hang on for us as long as they can.
As hearing is the last thing to go.
He always said he would go first because there was no alternative for him.
I know the pain will last my lifetime, til I see him again.
We just have to try to keep moving forward, keeping busy. Distraction is a big help.
I remember someone asking how it feels to lose your soulmate.
I said try and imagine it then magnify that by a thousand, because you can’t imagine it until it happens to you.
Sandra
Aw Sandra,
I guess I am lucky as I got my state pension two days after my husband died (I was 65). Life is so unfair, isn’t it - it’s so sad that your husband was only 65 - mine was 69 but I still didn’t expect him to die. Now I will also have the extra worry of how to pay for jobs etc on the house. As if we are not going through enough already! I would still rather have him back though than all the money in the world.
Jojo you are so right in what you say also I think that they didn’t want or choose to leave us. That helps me a lot when I’m feeling lonely without my husband. Take care Carol.
Hi Christine.
I can definately relate to how you are feeling. I expect my husband to walk through the door everyday. I still talk to him.
You have had more than your fair share with losing your mom too. We are all on here to help one another. I would rather not be having to do this. But we are all in the same horrible situation.
I am still working and am 70 in October to keep a roof over my head. Life has its challenges.
I have not been able to sit in the lounge unless I have visitors since I lost my beloved husband. As we used to sit and have such laughs together.in there. It’s not a happy place now.
I spend my time either in the office working, in the kitchen or in my bedroom. I do not want to go out or socialise since losing Martin. I go to the Cemetary twice a week and talk to him and do a bit of shopping and that’s it.
They say time is a healer, but when Martin went he took so much of me with him, my life will never be the same without him.
All I have are the brilliant memories. Which nobody can take away from me. It’s only been 5 months since I lost Martin. So it is still very recent. Even though I looked after him for 7 months before his passing. I was told it was terminal. I would never allow myself to believe he would not get through this.
He loved his cat Tyber. Since Martin passed the cat has developed a tumour and the vets cannot remove as he is too old. He cannot get up and walk at the moment. So looks like I am also going to lose him.
He is such company for me too. Life is a bitch.
Love to everyone on this site. We all need each other at these very difficult times. X
Lesley18
Yes I would be penniless if I could just have him back for one more day. We could say goodbye for now, I never got the chance. We could have one of our lovely chats where we laugh all of the time.
Although I chat to him all day long, it would be lovely to hear him talk back.
It’s the jobs on the house that I get upset about. He could fix anything. Now if it’s a small job I will have a go myself My son helps me too.
I have learnt a lot . All the tech jobs he used to do for me, I’ve taught myself.
Obviously the bigger jobs I have to get someone in.
Am more careful now. Used to rely on my husband, he had a lot of contacts. So many more responsibilities now. Financial as well.
Your words are so, so true. I have walked along on the verge of tears because my hand should be in his. The cuddle in passing or at the end of the day or at a stressful time - missing. The companionship - gone. My brain just keeps thinking he must be away for a few days. This can’t be it. His mother is now incapacitated as the grief was too much for her so I have to watch her deteriorate in front of me. That would break his heart. Life is cruel.
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Jules
Life is very cruel. We always held hands . My grandaughter asked her mum why her and daddy don’t holds hands like nanny and grandad.
He was very tactile and affectionate. Looking back I went from all those kisses and cuddles to none at all.
I do wonder sometimes how I’ve survived this half life
for three years.
I know I’m not the same person, that’s not possible because half of me went with him.
I do go on ,I have my family, they lost their dad and grandad.
I have also visited places we used to love and scattered his ashes.
Don’t get me wrong I do have good days, distractions the answer.
Am starting to travel more now, knowing its what he would have wanted. At the end of the day you still have to come home though and that’s when I catch up on all the tears.
All on here ,have lost, basically, their reason to live, I have my partners granddaughter (Shell and me , didn’t marry). I know have my partners daughter, constantly asking for money, I can’t really afford, but I give in , today she asked for £800, council tax arrears, said she will be going to prison, I haven’t got that kind of money, but I feel bad, probably I am vulnerable.
@PeteE59 Your partner’s daughter sounds awful! If it helps, people are usually only sent to prison if they refuse to pay council tax not if they can’t pay it, according to the CAB. If she isn’t a serial refuser, then the council should help her sort out affordable repayments. Although, judging from her attitude, it wouldn’t surprise me if she’d refused to pay it at some point.
I’m having a bit of a difficult day today. It’s exactly a year ago that John was diagnosed with cancer (terminal diagnosis on October). Exactly six months after he died - at the beginning of July - my mum was diagnosed with terminal metasised colon cancer. Exactly the same as John had - what are the chances?! No idea how long yet, Mum might have, but she isn’t giving up!
I ,like many, in these last 12 months ,or so, never got to say goodbye, I rushed home , to find her on the floor, I tried CPR, as did paramedics. They took her away, hot the dreaded phone call, a few hours later. It’s like you have bean robbed , of your most cherished possession. I haven’t said goodbye, you try to move on, but there is this Hugh obstacle, a hole inside, that can’t be filled. We will meet again. Sorry for your loss, try to stay strong.
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Pete59
You have to say no. I had similar with my family. They knew I had a.good insurance pay out. Borrowed money and after showing no signs of repayment, I had to have words. She was shocked, saying I have changed. Of course I had, and I couldn’t afford to give money away.
The money is payed back monthly now. Family sometimes take advantage.
Sometimes, it’s incredibly hard, 15 months since we lost Shell, my only positive thought, is that she would of hated these last 12 months. She had COPD, and was on permanent oxygen, she had started, small outings , with her portable oxygen, then Covid hit. Permanent isolation, became her normal, at least she is in peace, and away from the horrible world we have bean in.
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P…s , thank you for replying, peace to you, Xxx
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I had to so no anyway, I would do anything for granddaughter, but her mum, is bleeding me dry, I have a blood pressure issue, its through the roof at the moment. Thank you for replying, it means so much.xx
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