Yes Trac, I think you’re right. People don’t know what to say, but often feel the need to say something, so frequently end up saying something unhelpful. I do realise that it’s unintentional though.
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Dear Sheila
Thank you.
Sheila
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Sheila - one thing is for sure people at times can be very I sensitive xx
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Sheila isn’t it strange that we know the fact that we are all going to pass but when it happens we are in such disbelief --even now sometime I can be walking along and a terrible feeling comes over me like an electric shock and jolts me into realization that David is never coming back as if its the first time I’m realizing it again. You think by now that my logical brain would know this and not keep shocking me as if its something new to know. We don’t seem very well made to deal with death which is strange as it is a major part of our life.
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Morning … my husband has been gone just over 7 months it doesn’t seem possible to think I’m never going to see hold kiss or cuddle him again. I know exactly how you are feeling. Every minute in my mind… it’s an effort even to get out of bed isn’t it… Even my husband’s brother said on our daughters Facebook page your mum still misses your dad!!! What a thing to say…we have 4 children and 6 grandchildren 2 of my grandchildren are struggling without their grandad …we were married 45 years. You never get over losing our husbands some how we will move forward… tears still flow every day . We did everything together …I feel for what he is missing every day…we take every thing for granted don’t we…and then one day that person we fell in love with has gone . 
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Hi 1975deborah. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife last May and I regularly have moments when I think it’s all a dream and she’ll walk in to the living room or I’ll wake up and she’ll be beside me. We were married for 47 years but together from schooldays.
I’ve searched here and elsewhere to try and find some comfort and there are some wise words from people who are further down the road than me (or you). I really don’t think there is an answer that takes away the pain and the conclusion has to be that we must try as best we can to live our life without them no matter how hard that might be. If not that, then what else is there?
I know my wife would hate to see me in so much pain and distress. This Forum has given me a little more strength to address my grief and emptiness by listening to others and sharing their sadness with them.
No matter how hard it is (and it is very very hard) we must try and think of all the good things we shared throughout our lives, holidays, Christmases, anniversaries - the list goes on and on. Surely top of that list has to be our grandchildren, what a gift they are. I know that it can be a double edged sword as I sometimes get upset thinking how much my wife is missing seeing them growing up but I know they miss their Grannie as well - how she loved them.
We just have to get through each day any way we can and accept they are gone. I, like you, am nowhere near the stage of acceptance but I’ve realised the only way I can live my life (and enjoy my grandchildren) is to grind it out day after miserable day.
Regards
William
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Thankyou for these words Sheila. It gives us another way of looking at things during these terrible times when we are asking ‘why did this have to happen to me?’
Love to you
Fiona
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These words are lovely Thank you for sharing
Thank you so much @Lonely. I found a lot of comfort in the part of the verse you shared earlier in the week. The whole thing is beautiful. It brings me to tears, but I am so grateful.
@Lonely Thank you so much for sharing this verse. I think today is one of those days when this will bring me a small shred of comfort and reminded me to take a moment to remember all those times that he made me smile and how fortunate I am to have so many amongst the vast amount of pain and heartbreak.
This verse is something i am going to copy out and keep in a variety of places.
Sending you a hug and thanks
Audreyx
Dear Sheila Thank you so much.X
There was a verse I used to send to my partner when his work kept us apart which is even more special now.!!
As you fall asleep tonight,
imagine that you feel my hand slip into yours;
our fingers interlacing so that we can roam together in dreams.
love transcends the distance between us,
for your heart is always close to mine.
by j m green
Take care
Audrey x
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So sorry for your loss. I know what you mean how people avoid you because they don’t want to talk about what happened. I knew someone like that. Sad.
Hopefully there are others who genuinely care.
It’s been 3 months since I lost Gary.
Everyone accepts grief in different ways.
I am going to try to start doing something for me, to care for me. He would not want me to be so sad
Before Gary passed he had bought me a car and some seat covers. I had the covers put on because I felt I was doing something he would of wanted me to do. It made me feel like I honored his wishes.
I felt better doing it too.
Maybe there is something you can do to make you feel better
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Aww that’s a lovely idea. I wake up with intension of doing all sorts but then can’t face it . I’m hoping that will change. He was a mechanic by trade and I went into the garage yesterday and that broke me so I locked the door for another day x
MyGary was a plumber.
He worked so hard up to the day he passed away.
He did tell me that he didn’t want to retire.
He said that would of killed him.ironic. But.
He had to be busy. All the time.
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I wrote on this website the night before my husbands funeral ,which was 28th jan and couldn’t bring myself to look again until now at this page. It’s now been six weeks - 6 WEEKS - how has that time gone so quickly yet so very slowly at the same time!! Since my husband passed. I don’t feel any closer to accepting he’s really not coming back and my heart physically hurts constantly. The rush of absolute terror and panic hits me when my brain tells me suddenly this has happened and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare. My best friend has been amazing but even she doesn’t understand why I can’t accept and process the fact he’s not coming back and the logical side of me doesn’t understand either but I just can’t get my head around it. I am doing the things that need to be done each day but it’s not living it’s existing and if I’m completely honest if it wasn’t for my daughter I’d quite happily not be here.
What gives me hope is seeing others on here moving forward and learning to live a new normal , but for me right now I it can’t see that for myself yet. Then I feel panicky because when I get to that stage that feels to me like I’m forgetting him. Right now I can’t hear his voice, it’s like a mental block on how he sounds. I have video clips I watch constantly but the moment I switch them off I can’t hear his voice again - will this ever change ??? I miss him so much
Heartbroken 1
Your story mirrors mine I hurt so much as I can not accept he is not coming home the thought frightens me and I sob continuously.My daughters take it in turns to sleep with me as this is the worst time when my mind fights my heart i don’t sleep much and I am sad to say I have wished I would not wake up so the pain will go away.
I also find comfort on this site and hope against all hope I will one day accept what life dealt us and be a mum and a nanny again as my daughters and grandchildren have lost me as well at the moment.
Take care
Julie
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I’m so glad I read this, I’ve said to people I have no need to sort my husbands stuff out. It’s our family home and what would I do with empty cupboards and drawers. I only list my husband 6 weeks ago and can’t ever see me wanting to get rid of his clothes etc. I’m sure a very long time down the road or if I moved I’d have to face it but right now it’ couldn’t be further from my mind. I think everybody expects you to sort things through in a relatively short time and reading 3 years on in your case has given me support that there is no time limit forcing me to confront it and if I don’t ever want to confront it that that is ok so thank you. And my best wishes and thoughts are with you x
Dear Heartbroken1
Be kind and loving to yourself - how could you understand what has happened in only 6 weeks?
I read a book - Tge Year of Magical Thinking- the author says that for a Kong while after given her husband’s clothes away she kept his shoes in case he needed them when he was back! Was she mad? Abnormal?
After Jack died I needed to buy another bed and I chose a king size - why? Only after a long time I am understood - I needed a bigger bed because Jack and I could be there ! Am I mad?
It is hard , it is sad, it is so lonely - however we are resilient, we survive and we lear to dance around this overwhelming void !!!
The only people that really understand is the people that have lived it !!
Sending you love
Sadie xx
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