I do also believe that things happen for a reason and we will never understand why some people leave this earth when they do. We have all been blessed to find the love of our lives so many spend their life trying to find their love. We have all found true love.
My husband travelled all the way from Ghana to meet me a girl from Reading Berkshire. That must be for a reason. I do wish I could turn the clock back and I would do things differently. However, I do believe out of this terrible shock at losing my life long husband something good must come out of this terrible pain that I feel in losing George 6 weeks ago suddenly.
It has made me think we should live each day as if it is our last. Seems wise to me. For none of us knows what’s around the corner. and I agree Sheila we take each day as it comes.
Juneie
Just my feelings as well lonely I talk to my wife a lot people must think I’m nuts I believe they will be there to collect me when my turn comes I much prefer my own company now and an glad when bed time comes I have cancer and to be honest would be glad for it to take me. ( can go home sooner )
Hi @DianeB -I had to smile about you saying inane conversation–it does all seem pointless alot of the stuff people talk about or stress about and it does seem like too much effort to bother about them sometimes. I worry too about time marching on and losing memories of our years together. I still cant believe he’s gone forever -I think I’ve accepted it and then I have this sudden shock of feeling the loss again. I wonder when that sinks in. I am so emotional about it all still as well -this is a strange way to live now.
Hi @Newb-- Im so sorry to hear you have cancer. I know what you mean though as I have thought if I get cancer with my mind in the way it is at the moment I don’t think I would fight it but then that is hard to say till you get ill. I do hope you are taking care of yourself- I know we don’t look after ourselves as well as we should now our partners have gone.
Hi trac I agree with you 100% I too am 6 months in on March 1st . It’s just horrendous this lonely journey we are left to endure. Do you have family to support you .
It true what you say about so called friends who just aren’t there I understand they might not feel comfortable with face to face but a phone call or text wouldn’t go amiss .
In the general chat I put a post up “ just an idea “ for people to see who is local to themselves who might want to meet up after covid and there’s been some good response on there .
I’m sure your David would want you to carry on and enjoy life as best you can ,I try to do that ( as hard as it is) in honour of my Rob .
It’s been a very difficult year or so for everyone but those like us have had a double whammy to endure.
If you can keep living ,laughing, living and most important keep chatting take care kind regards Karen x
Good morning Sheila as I have said so many times before you and your Peter and your wonderful life with each other are so like me and my Ron. I just want to say as I have probably said before a very big Thank you for your wonderful messages you help me so much. I do feel you should write a book in your own grief because I am sure it would be a best seller for people like us who have missed their loved ones after such a lovely relationship with our lovely husbands like me with 50 years of so much love. Sending love and hugs to you Sheila. Xxxx
Hi Sheila you out me to shame I have many things of my lovely Ron I wish I could express myself as you do. We were married 50 years and renewed our vows a year before he died little did we know what would happen a year later but of course it is a good job we don’t. Keep putting all your memories on here I love reading all about your life with your Peter we are of the same age so we really understand how we all feel. XxxCarolxxxx
Hi Karen -yes your post suggesting meet up is a great idea as Covid has isolated us at a time when we need support.I am trying to move forward and I read you need meaning and purpose in life and I just don’t have that yet but I am trying like we all are but it is such an emotional time.Take care x
Dear Sheila yes into 5years in June and I just can’t believe I haven’t spoke or seen my Ron. We will never ever be the same but as everyone says you just get on with life although so very hard. I have a little dog now he came to me on my Ron’s birthday which was so lovely and my Grandaughter said can we name him little Ronnie my lovely Ron was always called Ron not ever Ronnie so I said it was o.k. I do feel that my little Ronnie was meant to come and help me . I love walking and our family have dogs so it is wonderful to walk with them . I have an arrangement with them all if I am I’ll or need them they will have little Ronnie so we are all pleased him. Keep smiling Sheila xxx. Carol xxx
Sheila
I had bad sleep issues from Gary. He would get up every morning at 3am. Except for Saturday’s.
He slept early in the evening and most nights asleep by 8pm.
So now I am trying to change these habits on and off of 35 years.
We had a few dogs but sadly not for very long.
One was sickly and the other disappeared.
We had 2 boys and a girl.
Gary always said we didn’t deserve such great kids. I used to say it was because we were blessed.
He loved his kids so much.
Gary didn’t talk much, until the last few years of his life then
he was able to really talk to his sons and they enjoyed every bit of it.
They were repairing a boat together that my sons bought.
I was so happy they spent that time in that old boat talking for hours and fixing it all up.
It meant the world to me. His changes and attitude was
really amazing.
Memories are great and I am slowly being able to grasp some of it after such a trauma.
Take care
G
Dear Sheila, thank you for sharing your memories of the wonderful life you had with Peter. Such lovely stories. I was only with my lovely Alan for 18 years and the last 7 of those was dominated by ongoing and difficult treatments for cancer (Alan and I were both diagnosed with cancer within a month of one another ). It ,naturally, curtailed the things we had hoped and planned to do together. Alan had children from a previous marriage and we were older when we met and so we never had our own family. I would give anything to have more time with him, even five minutes so I could tell him what he means to me and how much I love him. It’s his birthday on Monday and 11 weeks since he died, so another ‘first’ to get through. Then April 17th would have been our first wedding anniversary; we got married by special licence during the first lockdown. This is all so unbearably hard. But I cling to the hope that one day I too will be able to look back and remember just the lovely happy times and know how extraordinarily lucky I was, like you Sheila.
I’ve been with my husband for 18 years and he also had two elder children but we did not have any together . He died ten weeks ago from cancer and it will be my Birthday next week .
Dear KimG, it is so unbelievably hard. I am so so sorry that you are going through this too. I’m still struggling to accept what has happened, that my husband is really dead and that I won’t see him again. It’s as though it’s simply too much for my mind and heart to cope with.
I feel exactly the same . I still expect him to be pottering about in the garden . I’ve lost the motivation to do anything but then panic because I haven’t done something . I’ve gone back to work but working from home . I was hoping that it would help take my mind off everything but it doesn’t .
Keeping busy may be a good thing but ,like you, I find it difficult to concentrate even for short periods of time. I have lots of things to do, endless paperwork to sort out, the garden - the list goes on and on. But invariably each day I just sit and think and cry and hope that tomorrow I might find it easier to focus on something. When my husband was alive I was always so busy looking after him and our home. The days used to race by.Now I just don’t know what to do with myself- I have never known time to go more slowly and I don’t know what my purpose is anymore.Perhaps we should try and just see the small things we actually manage to do as achievements? We got up. We got dressed. We made a cup of tea. Well done to us.
I sorted so much out when it first happened and I’m glad I did because I don’t think I would we be able to cope with it now . My husband was diagnosed on the 17th of November and died on the 16th of December it happened so quickly but yes you’re right anything we manage to do is an achievement .
Dear KimG, gosh - that’s no time at all between the diagnosis and losing your husband on December 16th. My husband died on December 14th . You did incredibly well to face sorting out things at that time and after such a shocking experience. I did the absolute essentials, contacting the bank and so on but now , when there is still so much to do, I just can’t face it
Thank you . I think I went on auto pilot . He was in hospital for two of those weeks as well which was heartbreaking because of the covid restrictions.
It’s been good talking to you , especially as we have both lost our husbands in December and only two days apart . I feel like we are at the same stage of the grieving process .
Dear KimG , there are many similarities in our situations. My husband spent 5 weeks in hospital in October/ November having radiotherapy as his cancer had spread and he was unable to walk. During that 5 week period I was only allowed to see him twice and only then because I was called in to attend a team meeting about his future care. I nearly went out of my mind. He was in pain and frightened as was I and we needed to be together to support one another as we always had done. Even ,in later stages, when he was transferred to a hospice I was only allowed a 2 hour visit on alternate days - I had to share the precious visiting time with his children. The Covid restrictions, even as Alan neared the end of his life , were rigidly adhered to and made an already unbearable situation even worse. That experience has added more layers of pain. So I fully appreciate what you mean when you say ‘hearbreaking’.