Well done for organising so much after 8 weeks. Hope your Zoom day is helpful. Who is that organised with? I found the counselling with Sue Ryder very helpful. Hope we can travel soon.
Hi there zoom day brilliant it’s an organisation called care for the family. They will be running more zoom days.
Juneie
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Dear Alston, I find myself in 100% agreement with all you have said — I also feel like you do – I still have my wife’s coats, and personal belongings here — I have made a few sacrifices but all in all, I loved my wife that much that I feel really bad that I should throw away her things. Maybe a later day, but for now, these items remind me that she once lived here with me. (Her death was so unexpected to me), This may be poppycock to many of you, but I get moments that I hope she comes back, but I know she won’t - Maybe I am just memorialize her as best as I can. So I hope you will all excuse me for feeling this way. Yes, I can donate or throw them all away and be over with it — but I’m not made that way - I truly loved her. I wish there was a way I could encourage you but I am only me. I do hope and wish the best I can for you. I am one who is in step with you - I am there too. Please stay in contact!
A friend, Herb
Thanks for the info, I will look them up.
Hi Herb thanks so much for your pure honesty. I’ve started to pack my husbands things and will take them to Ghana when we are allowed to travel. Friends family in Ghana who do not have what we have will enjoy them. I will store for now. I was so tearful yesterday it’s soul destroying my mum is with me and she was Widowed at 47 she is now nearly 81. She was amazingly encouraging explaining that this feeling is normal an I could feel like this for weeks months an even years. It’s hard herb without our loved ones everything you said resonated with me. I an trying to live daily knowing I have to now journey on my own without George who only died in January. I cannot truly believe he’s gone. He was so positive strong and spoilt me to pieces. It’s going to be a hard journey ahead but need to walk it. You will know when to handle your wife’s clothes it’s a very personal an intimate thing.
Take care herb everything you’ve said makes sense.
There is so much loss around and March 23 is rememverance day for the bereaved.
Juneie
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Hi Herb
On the point about wishing your wife come back…we know they cannot but that desire to have them with us is so strong. I look at the front door expecting George to open it and come in like he always did. I said to my mother whilst crying yesterday as George’s death was also unexpected how much I miss him. I said the house doesn’t feel the same. He is not sat in his chair and the house is falling apart as he is not around to fix bits like he did. I miss his presence greatly and cannot truly believe he is not here. I guess life is but a flicker…
Be encouraged Herb your feelings are like many on this site we feel the pain and for each other.
Juneie
Hello Juneie, Thank you for writing back to me — I really appreciated your sincerity - and I want you to know that I am also sorrowed for your loss too - how much I also wish that our loved ones could be here with us now - there is so much they missed out on - especially the love we all shared together. My wife died suddenly, left me without any knowledge she was ill. I’m left with her belongings and an empty home. Some people think I’m lucky to be free - but as I said before - I’m not made that way. My wife was my life - she kept my heart beating to enjoy every minute of every day. I don’t mean to cry on your shoulder but she was everything to me. But mostly, thank you for your encouraging message. I do hope and pray you shall be OK as well.
Please take care. Thank you again.
Herb
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Dear Sheila, You did not butt in - anyone may offer encouragement to anyone and I view it as people helping other people. I am especially devoted to this site because we have all gone thru the difficult days of facing a loss of a loved one. as I am sure have experienced too. I have been gradually letting of a few items, but as move on, there are some personal items she left behind that I still want to hang to. She did a lot of paint by number drawings she did as a teenager, and at differing times in her life, some she did when we were married in our early days. They are only reminders of a time when I considered myself “happier”. When I as about 13 years old, I was a student at a local grade school - there was an older man who was the janitor who kept the place spic and span. He would stand by the doors when we would go home for the day. He would say good night to us all and he seemed to a happy go lucky type of person. Then one day, we got word that his wife died. It was sad and we all knew it, and we treated him with respect. The sad part is he was never the same after that. He just kept to himself and did his job. That was back in 1964. (I never forgot that). Now today - I remember it well - because now I’m there now. I know he loved his wife - so did I. Thank you for your understanding. Take care.
Herb
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Hi Herb I can identify with the fact that my husband also died suddenly and kept his health challenges to himself which only came out following his death from the medics. They described my husband as stoic. I guess George wanted to prevent me knowing about his medical care. How he did all this without me being aware I’m still shocked by this as shocked as his sudden death. Our loved ones will always be with us as we share their memories you take care Herb, cry shout, sing whatever you do as you feel led. As you said this site is great for sharing listening to others as we are all in the same boat.
Look after yourself Herb hopefully you have family friends that can connect with to share the loneliness.
Juneie
Hi Juneie
I had the same experience. My husband didn’t share with me his health issues.
He didn’t go the doctor much.only when he really thought he needed.
He was quite private.
I know he wanted to protect me, maybe something could have been done if he had said something.
He chose to do nothing.
It was kind of selfish, but if I look at it the other way he was protecting me from knowing. So really he risked his life so I wouldn’t be worried.
Just wanted to share
G
Hi G I really should get some sleep i keep going over in my head why didn’t my husband share his illness. He may still be here has he shared. Bern angry with him pity and sadness that he suffered in silence. Like you say G I see that George was trying to protect. George was a very private man and to suffer as he did was so sad. Anyway I thank him for protecting me as he did. He will always be held dearly in my heart.
Juneie
Hi Juneie, My wife admitted she was a big smoker in her earlier days - after I met her I kept trying to get her to stop. She did, then developed pulmonary issues. She got it treated and was clean as a whistle. I feel there were other issues, but I never intended to be her watch dog (she would have resented that otherwise). Health issues whether we know them or not, are going to be with us either way. She was trying – I kept encouraging her - wished her family would helped too. I did the best I could - I could not be her boss. she respected and loved me. to me that’s what counted. (That was all I knew - she did quit smoking and who know, maybe it wasn’t just that). Well, I’m left here alone now - I don’t know what else I could have done.
So now, I live alone in a home where love grew, now it’s an empty shell as well as what’s left of me. I grieve for her every day - and I know I am not alone as there are others who feel they could have done more but maybe didn’t know (such was my case). Please care for one another - my only wish is that nobody esle should suffer and die, but that’s only my wish.
Take care of each other.
Herb
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Hi Juneie
These men were so similar in their ways about being private with their health…
I feel sad about that but one thing I can say it’s what he wanted. If I had the power to give him what he needed I would
Perhaps it could not of been fixed, and maybe it would have been a partial fix and he would of not been happy
He is in the best place ever.
I cannot imagine in my brain how wonderful and indescribable Heaven will be.
Gary already knows.
All the best
G
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Hello Again Gary54
You look so lovely together. Such a wonderful wedding photo. I’m going to try and upload mine now. I thank God for every opportunity and my life with George if I had known he would have left this earth on the 16 January I would have made every single minute that I was with him count. Time is so short and George was only 65 I am 60 this year was expecting to really go and have fun together for my 60th it doesn’t seem to matter what I do now.
George had a strong faith and I know he is enjoying himself in heaven. I will see him again. W can all take comfort in the wonderful times we had with our loved ones.
I know that if I really knew about his medical condition of prostate cancer I would be checking on him ferociously I guess that’s what he didn’t want me fussy and him to suffer alone that’s what makes me truly appreciate everything he did for me. Especially suffering in silence. He was a true protector as I know he was protecting me from worrying.
Here goes will try and attach photo
now.
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Hi Sheila
I read your story and have to say it’s appalling what has happened to your family members. Not to be able to be able to take a course of action which would make someone accountable is not appropriate.
We entrust our lives with Dr’s believing that they know best. It is not at all reassuring to hear what your family members went through. I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart for them so that you can be at peace. I guess they are not GOD and nowadays when and if you can visit as it’s all done via calls they end up googling most of what they want to tell you!!!
Hong Kong Flu is so different (I think …not sure what it is) but can’t be the same as a Brain Hemorrhage that’s what my George died of?
You take care
Juneie x
Beautiful photo of a beautiful couple x
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Hi Juneie
What a pretty face you have and such a pretty photo.
Thank you for responding so quickly.
I am 61 and Gary was 66years.
We are almost like the same age too.
I hope that you are keeping busy.
Trying to get over this ordeal.
Take care
G
The most wonderful photo 
Ah Gary54 thanks for your lovely comments.
Gosh we are so near in age almost to the year and also our husbands.
It would be lovely to meet up I feel as though I have a Pen Pal… I’ve adopted you!!!.
Would be nice when things ease to meet face to face as I’m up for that. I look at me in my wedding photo and George and I were so happy. Don’t look like that now I look more like my profile photo seen on this site with a glass of milk shake in my hand. I have been very busy today my son is a gem he has helped me with sorting out some of the finances from my husbands accounts. So much paper work especially singe accounts although most of ours were joint there is still a lot to sort out financially. My son has been a fantastic support must be careful not to depend on him so much although he has this real zeal to take care of me I can see it in his eyes. I am very blessed to have 4 wonderful children 3 of whom live at home and 1 in supported living as he is special needs. 2 gorgeous grand children who just take away the pain when they come around.
Hopefully Gary54 we will meet one day face to face…I know I will be up for that.
I think Sue Ryder will be gathering details of all who have said that they would like to meet up in the future. Please Please have a nice weekend you really do enjoy it.
Juneie x
Quarterman Thanks so very much we got married in 1987 feels like yesterday.
We all miss our loved ones I still cannot be it.
You take care x
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