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It seems that after the funeral everyone does forget your battle really begins.
The photos and messages about their plans I do not need.
These are the same āfriendsā I did try to reach out to at my lowest over Christmas ā¦ I ended up phoning the Samaritans to get support.
Also the same thatās days after my husband passed told me to go out and not be alone as Iām still young (45).
I donāt expect everyone to stop their lives and to check on me constantlyā¦ But at least use some compassion and understanding.
I agree bereavement does change friendships, some will be lost.
I donāt have āreal/trueā friendsā¦ So will cope by myself, reach out on here and if I need to I will no doubt call the Samaritans if/when I reach that extreme low again.
Why do people assume when you are a young widower it will be easier? ā¦ And just āmove onā?
My husband was my world, my best friend, my soul mate.
We were meant to have so many more years together, grow old together. There will be noone else.
Thank you all on here for your support xx
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Iāve felt exactly the same. Iāve also called the Samaritans and the SOS charity who have a helpline to help support those who feel desperate. Weāre a society which doesnāt deal with death openly. Itās very hard losing your best friend in the world and then feeling let down by others you might have hoped would be kindly and supportive. I feel as if no-one can ever really know me now and that thereās no-one to share your hurt your hopes and your fears with. Itās a horrible place to be in.
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Yes, my husband truly knew me, accepted me, loved me. I could tell him anything and everything.
Iām a bit if an odd one, I donāt generally do your typical female things (maintaining myself, make up, nails etc) wouldnāt have a clue on make up. Lol. I donāt enjoy the going on nights out to clubs and things. Not very good in social settings.
Hubby loved me for me. Accepted my quirkyness.
(Had so many people telling me what I should start doing to āmake myself betterā) ā¦ Thatās not me.
I am so lost without him
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i feel the same,lost beyond words.The days are now 7 weeks and i feel worse.I could easily stay indoors and close the blinds but i am pushing myself to go out .Watching coupleswalking hand in hand and laughing while my heart is breaking
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Itās amazing how friends and family seem to be able to change the advice they give, so for you itās the āyouāre only young , you have so much life ahead you need to find someone, donāt be aloneā etc etc and in my case after 48 years of marriage people seem keen to tell me āwell you had all those years together, youāve got all those memories to look back on, you need to do some volunteer work to fill a few hoursā etc etc . Yes Iām 67 he was 69 but it doesnāt mean that we had just put our slippers on and watched television in our ādotageā or that I feel Iām old enough to accept widowhood. Barry was still riding his motorbike until two weeks before he died (admittedly shorter journeys) and I have lots of hobbies but I miss him more than anyone seems to understand. There will never be any one else and I do have thousands and thousands of memories but we wanted to make so many more!!! I know they mean well but to be honest I think Iād prefer it if they just said āIām sorry I really donāt know what to say to you except you will find your way in your own time and your own wayā!!!
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So true my Husband was 60 and i am 59 and friends and family say the same to me move on you have all the good memories and they also say find a part time job that will help but they just do not understand how hard it is when you loss someone you spent years with i was with my Husband for 30 years and looked after him untill the end he passed away on the 20th of oct last year and i miss him so much
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@Kel2
Iām the same about make up and nails. The last, and possibly only time since childhood dancing on stage, I wore make up was for my wedding in 1993. As for nails - I cut them when they are too long and thatās about it! If anyone tried giving me advice about how to make myself better Iām not sure what Iād say but it certainly wouldnāt be āthank you,ā
My husband was a farmer when we started dating and would far rather have had me putting on old clothes and helping feed the calves than making myself pretty āfor him.ā Luckily we suited each other and thatās all that matters.
To my mind, if you pretend to be something you are not itās the same as lying and certainly not a good start to any friendship or relationship.
Be yourself.
Hugs xxx
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Hi @Jan71 I know exactly what you mean. People just say the most ridiculous things. I know we have memories but we wanted to make more. I feel like screaming sometimesā¦ just shut up you have no idea what you are talking about. Well they will one day. I donāt want to sound bitter but itās just so tiring. Love to all.X
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How right you are @Jan71
Memories are great but having lost the chance to make more is so sad. Certainly better if people just said sorry and left it.
Love to you. xxx
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Same hear people make me feel so angry just wish they would shut up and leave me alone its when they still have their Husband and say it which makes me angry how do they understand how it feels
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Exactly thatā¦ Hubby preferred me being me ā¦
He always said that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I donāt pretend and donāt try to fit inā¦ I am what I am and thatās one of the main things he loved about me.
We met via āMySpaceā had chatted online a lot and agreed to meet upā¦ I didnāt dress up or anything ā¦ Had a t-shirt saying āThe Leprechauns Made Me Do itā and a pair of black 3 quarter trousers with boots on ā¦ He loved it 
Make up for me was: a photo thing I had to do for work (one if those companies you get your photos done) my cousinās wedding because I was a bridesmaid & my wedding.
Hubby & I saved for a cruise ā¦ Me: oh, guess I better try get and learn how to put make up on - him: burst out laughing & said thatās the best joke youāve told yet 
ā¦ Me: thank god for that!
Nails: I have workers hands - my nails do not grow.
Iām originally from the city, but would absolutely love farm life! ā¦ People (so called friends) donāt understand that.
I have what I call āduck clothesā ā¦ Hubby & I have 3 pet ducks, had them since they were a day old (now 8 - all boys) ā¦ Our life was themā¦ So most of my time other than when I went to work was spent in āduck clothesā or my PJās.
I will always stay true to myself, if others (friends or otherwise) do not like it, then they can choose not to speak to me.
At the same time, I will always be here to offer any help, shoulder to anyone that I can
Xx
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@Kel2
You sound like my sort of person. xxx
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Jan 71. I understand exactly what you are saying. My beloved, wonderful husband and I were married 52 years. He had Alzheimerās and the last 1 1/2 years were, well I canāt explain how it was. But after his death I immediately got, āitās a blessing, you had 52 years, think about all your memories, he will never leave you, there are others in the same boat you are, think about themā what we are all in a boat together so that means we should feel better. on and on and on. Donāt get me wrong, this site has been so helpful. Finally others who understand. I have one friend that I talk to who truly gets it. Her husband died several years ago, and we talk about our sweet husbands all the time. She has been totally honest. One thing she said that resonated with me is that the pain will never go away, but you will find a safe place for it to rest. But you will miss him and grieve the rest of your life. Finally someone who DOESNāT say āgive it time.ā
Peace and love, Karen
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Karetired
I also have a friend who āgets itā. She was widowed young and it has been 25 years and she says you will never ever forget but you will learn to deal with it. She does say anniversaries are still difficult but bearable.
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Having a really bad day today.
Really wish he was here to talk to right now ā¦ Tell him Iām sorry I let him down and how much I love him
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I feel the same wish i could have done more for my Husband wish i had told him more that i loved him miss him so much
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@Kel2 Iām sorry youāre having a bad day. Itās so hard when the one person who can always help in these times is no longer here. If itās any consolation I donāt think Iāve had a good day since my husband died. Sending you love and peace.X
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@Loobyloo2 @sue11 ā¦ I seem to find it harder with each day. Everyday is a struggle, some harder than others - today is a real bad day.
Iām really blaming myself again for him passing. I feel I failed him and this is my punishment - losing him completely!
If I could just have at least one more day to tell him Iām sorry for letting him down, that I do love him.
I miss him so much, he was my everything, the one person I could talk to, the one to make things better x
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Iām exactly the same - it is so so hard
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