Thanks for you reply joe it’s so difficult glad you found some thing to help any thing is worth a try it’s such a horrible life with out our love one to share it with have to keep trying
Take care x
Oh Brocken I feel just the same as you have said I feel our journey we are on is very similar you have to go to work in some ways I think it would help if I did not sure I would have the confidence ti now the evenings are so long and empty I like you wish I could be with him I ask him to come and get me always hooped I would have been the one who went first I was 17 days older so I should have gone I think my husband would have dealt with life alone better he sis nit like negative people he will not be too impressed with me right now have ti tell ourselves we have ti be strong for our family it’s tough going will it ever get better 13 months and it’s worse I like to keep in touch with you see how you going on this journey
Hope you get some sleep take care x
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Hi yes rose we need to keep in touch . It does help . Also all the other people who are so nice and are always there to help when we feel really down . Goodnight and chat again soon xtake carex
Good night x
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Thank you I managed to get through it with alot of support from the family and friends and hope we did him proud. Yesterday I got his ashes back - really suprised how quick that was, after everything else was dragged out like waiting a month for the funeral etc. Anyway feel in a way he’s back home with me but obviously not in the way I wanted but I can talk to him now and not feel like I’m talking to myself. I know some people will think that’s mad or morbid but I think grief makes you a little crazy ? Most importantly you just need to do what you have to I think to cope as well as you can. These are lonely days and nights and we’re all struggling to get through them. 
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Very early days yet so don’t expect too much of yourself. Crying is ok and it is lovely you can talk to the ashes and it helps you. I speak to Dave every day but not actually to his ashes. He died eighteen months ago but it is still raw and I miss him so much. I have just had major surgery so cannot do much yet but I want him to be proud of me. Tears flow very easily but I reckon he is worth every one. God bless you.
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Thank you for your kind words, we all have to cope in our own ways don’t we, even if we feel we’re not “coping” very well. I hope your surgery went well and wish you a speedy recovery and that you’ll feel better soon x
Thanks. Physio and district nurse visited today. Dressings off and nurse pleased with healing process and physio pleased with my mobility progress. Both will not need to come again unless there is a set back. Positive news and that is what I want. Positivety. At least until I cry about Dave again!!!
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Hi everyone,
so sorry for all that has happened to you, it really is soul destroying at times.
Jan I speak to my beautiful wife all the time, I tell her through tears that I am doing my best and will continue to do so in her memory, I hope she is listening.
Janet, good news with your mobility, like you I want my wife to be proud of me, it helps me to carry on, the belief that she would want this, to carry her memory in my heart, I imagine Dave would feel the same about you. Let the tears flow, I am on a phased return at work and when I get home I have a cry, I still have all her things around me and the reality brings on the tears.
I am going to a day club next Tuesday which is for bereaved people, I hope it helps talking with others who can understand and to listen to their stories, I don’t like burdening others but this is different as we are on the same wave length.
I hope your journey’s will ease and we can all find joy in life again, although different to what we have known.
Joe x
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Aah that’s good then, you look after yourself and try and keep that positivity going and improving your mobility going forward. Thinking about you x
Thank you it does definitely help to talk with our loved one and I’m sure lots of us do. I still have really varying moods, mixed emotions and can feel different one day or night to the next. We had other issues to deal with before and after my husband got diagnosed with cancer and I know this has made things harder for me but I’m trying to deal with it the best I can.
I hope the day club will be a help for you , see how it goes. You’ll have to let us know on here what you thought and how you went on there ?
Sending my best 
Hi rose hope you as best you can be today . I am so sad today. I did all the garden the other week for a gift to my hubby for our 40 wedding anniversary. I thought it looked nice and I had done the best I could . But last night I was looking on an old phone of hubby’s and he had photos on of the garden .and it looked beautiful. Now I feel a total failure .it looks a mess what I have done. I know hubby will be laughing at me getting so upset over a garden . I so miss him every minute of every day . I was told it gets easier. But can’t see that happening. I feel worse every day . I just want the love back that we had together. It is so hard .not having the one person that loved me unconditionally. I so miss not being special to anyone now. Not being on there mind all the time. Not bringing a smile to there face every time they think of me. I am so grateful that I had the love and life we had together just wanted it for a bit longer. Now I must try and be positive again .but this being positive is very very hard .sorry for going on . I know most if not all people on here will feel the same
Xtake carex
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Brocken2222
I am sat here once again flooded with tears and crying out for my beloved. Like you did a bit of gardening with tears running down my face. He would be coming in for tea now. My yard is empty where his vehicle was always parked. I feel there is no future as I have no family with him we just had each other. How long does this go on.
Jessica
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Hi it is so hard trying to live a life without the one person that makes every thing good. Some days are not so bad but then other days I am a total mess. I am trying so hard to stop these thoughts and demons in my brain. I am trying to eat at least once a day .and trying not to just sit up all night with coffee and cigs. Even when I’m at work my mind wanders off. And I think what we would of been doing .what I would of made him for tea .and what we might of watched on TV. I know I have to keep going .for him. And he is with me in my heart all the time. But it isn’t enough . I just want the impossible and for him to walk through the door and ask how my day has been and kiss me. Xtake carex
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Hi Broken
Wish I could say some thing to make you feel better and others who are struggling it is so hard I have been out walking just got home and read your post that is what we do now isn’t it never would have thought I would need this yet as you say how do we live with out our love one we was still so much in love after 46 yrs people say I was lucky yes I was but don’t feel it now our love one was taken too early we should have been planning out retirement instead have worry how to keep house going
I am sure broken you have done best you can with the garden I know what you mean it is hard my lawn is looking a mess he would be feeding it and all sorts guess I must think about it I’ll make you laugh I never used to mow the grass I went over cable you can guess I was in bits got it sorted more careful now I know how you feel when you do jobs they did I’m in tears it does not get better does it been 13 months I can not look forward to any thing like you say when we was with them for so long how do we live with out them even when we lucky to have family they was the one person always there and loved and understood us I lived him very much some how we have yo tick along hard not having that special one to talk to when I come in I call him and say I’m home them in tears as he does not answer I hope in time our love we had will make us strong yo get through this until they come and get us
How it would help if we could sit and cry together over a drink with those on here that are going through this pain hope you can manage to get some sleep text any time wish I could help you
Sending hugs xxx
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Hi thank you rose . Just knowing that you and other people are there for me and understand how we feel . Helps me a great deal . I don’t let my family know how low I feel . They need to try and live there lives without worrying about me . Glad you been out for a while I think it doesnus good to get away from the house . Even for a short while . I suppose we just have to plod on . There is nothing else we can do . Chat again soon . Hope you sleep xtake carex
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We need each other I’m same as you I don’t like to let family know had counseling this week not sure if it helps but worth try sleep well x
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Hello everyone
So sad reading the posts on here, we are supportive to each other which I find helps me feel less alone.
It’s very hard and a daily battle with our emotions changing throughout the day, sometimes I want to scream at how intense the constant carrying the pain feels. Some days can be really really tough to get through and other days a bit calmer, I guess in time the good days outnumber the bad days, but its the deep sadness stays buried inside all the time. Everything I do is so damn hard, I truly cannot be bothered with anyone, or trying to ‘keep busy’ I can’t accomplish as I end up exhausted then I crash and feel ill for a few days.
@Broken2222 I’m like you coffee and fags at bedtime, can’t sleep as he’s always on my mind. I find aqua aerobics, pilates and walking my dog helps me a lot, getting fresh air everyday, especially as the weather is nice.
Hugs to you all.
Amy x
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Hi this life now is so hard . I still work so that keeps me busy. And have family living with me. So I am not alone. But still very lonely without my hubby . He is all I have known from us being sixteen . We didn’t bother with friends . We were enough for each other . So I feel lost all of the time . I keep trying to be positive and know I have to live the rest of my life without the one person that made everything special . But some times in fact most of the time I feel like what is the point . This site helps me a lot . Just knowing that there are kind people that know and feel what I am experiencing . Hope today brings at least one thing to smile about , that’s all we can hope for each lonely day.xtake carex
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Hi broken2222
Does the fact having family lessons the pain as my partner and I even though we were together for 44 years never had children which now I deeply regret. Reading your posts I feel you are experiencing the same pain as me even with children. I do not work as retired so the days are really long and I am awaiting a knee replacement so cannot walk far. I just wish it would get better as I do not think I want to carry on feeling this way all the time. Wish I could be more cheerful.
Jessica
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