@NEILB72
Pleased to hear to you’ve had a fairly good couple of days and hoping you have more of them 
Never really thought much about robins until I was at work on my second day back and I was struggling and one just casually flew in to our warehouse and sat on a pallet and just silently watched me for a good ten minutes. May have been coincidental but it made me slightly less anxious so took it as a comforting sign so I hope your robin comes back regularly you.
I pick up mum’s ashes on Friday and I am dreading it tbh but will pull the strength to cope from somewhere.
Take care of yourself,
Suzanne
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Hi Suzanne. There was a bit of a mix up on my part over Mum’s ashes but now finally have them at home before they will be placed with Dad in the near future. I have got some comfort and strength from her being here with me . Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong . I kept Dad’s ashes for 3 months .
If you collect your Mum’s ashes hope it can give you some comfort and strength like it has me.
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Hi Neil,
I’m going to get a ring with some of her ashes in it and the rest are being scattered with her sister so they can be together again. This I will find some comfort in I think.
I hope you are finding some more peace these days and are taking care of yourself.
Suzanne
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Hi Suzanne
That sounds lovely. Your Mum will be there with you everywhere now. Hooe you find comfort and strength from doing so.
Just having Mums ashes ( I hate the phrase ‘cremated remains’- sounds awful) here at home has made me feel as if I’m still caring for her and it is really helping me until I decide the time is right to reunite her with Dad .
Hope you can have as good a day as you can . It’s easy other people saying to take each day as it comes but it’s not that simple.
Best wishes.
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@Suzanne30 You’re so welcome 
I’m glad that this forum and being back at work has helped you, like I say you have people around you, use them.
I’m sure they wouldn’t mind and if it was the other way round, would they expect to be able to come to you? of course they would…
Ohh nice, what hobbies have you discovered?
I am well thank you!
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Hiya @pointer7
I would like to think yes that people would come to me if they needed help or a sympathetic ear so that makes it easier in my mind for me to ask for help as I certainly am not too proud to say when I’m feeling down (which luckily hasn’t been too bad last couple of days 
)
New hobbies to me are more like old hobbies I have revisited and started up again and unfortunately not too exciting really lol x I have my gym induction tomorrow as seriously need to get the beef off and yoga will help with getting my flexibility back x I am…or was a very keen photographer but since mum passed I haven’t taken a single photo as she was my biggest fan and without her I haven’t really seen the point but I’ve decided to start again as I miss it and I know she would want me to keep at it.
Always on the lookout for other hobby ideas if you have anything?
Take care of yourself,
Suzanne
Hi Neil,
Your post saying you have found some comfort in having your mum’s ashes back has actually made me feel slightly less anxious as your comment is positive (you know what I mean….as positive as this situation can be).
I appreciate your reply.
Take care and always there for you and anyone who just wants to chat
Suzanne x
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Hi Suzanne. Hope all went well when you picked your Mum’s ashes up today . Hope by doing so that it gives you that comfort and strength that I felt .
Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
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Hi Neil,
Thank you for remembering and oddly it went very smoothly and even managed to have a wee laugh as we all had a reminiscence about her.
I do see what you mean though I find having some of her ashes her at home with me somewhat comforting and thank you for saying.
I hope your weekend is what you need it to be for you and take care
Suzanne x
Hi Suzanne,
I’m glad you were able to enjoy today and find it comforting having your mam with you at home. I found it very harrowing going to the crem again and didn’t want to disturb her ashes so I didn’t take some with me. I will though because I’ve created a shrine for her and will place her ashes in my little egg. My buddha’s will keep her company and join her in her new journey, surrounded by light and flowers. You can see my pics in CREATING A SHRINE FOR MY MAM. It provides a space in which to sit with her as I watch tv.
Love x
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Hi Christine,
I’ve been looking out for your photo of your Buddha as very much interested in seeing it as it sounds lovely
I hope, when you get some ashes to put in your egg, that you do find some comfort in having her back with you.
I was lucky up at the crematorium that it turned out the lady who was helping us scatter the ashes actually used to work with my mum in a different capacity and when she saw her name on the urn volunteered to work so she could meet me and give her condolences…it was very comforting to have an old friend of hers there.
I hope you manage to find some peace watching tv and you manage to get some sleep.
Always here to chat,
Suzanne x
Hi Suzanne, Just posted my shrine pics in the new section. It’s so lovely to have had one of your mam’s old friends there today. That was lovely and I’m sure your mam would have been chuffed too. My dad and sisters will take mams ashes up north to scatter mam with her parents in their grave. I can’t travel or visit her there so having a small part of her here will keep her close to me and my buddhas will watch over her.
It’s very strange doing my shrine because it’s like I’m going through the motions of doing and I’m not really there myself. I’ve reached a place where I’m not crying but just numb. It’s like a massive hole that was everything - mam, family, me and the essence of living - fills my day and just getting dressed is an achievement. It’s like being in slow motion. It’s a relief to get to bedtime.
I’m glad that today went well. I am pleased. Sending you love xxx
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One of those bad days for me today. Just thinking about Mum and why did this have to happen ? My days as a carer officially come to an end next week when the last payment of Care Allowance is paid and I’ve been thinking about all those years caring for Dad then Mum . I regarded it as an honour and a privilege to do so. Sitting here having a few tears now.
Generally I’ve had a better week but today definitely not.
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Sorry to hear Neil that you’re having a bad day and I wish we could cheer you up but it’s a bad day for me too unfortunately x
Just want to curl up in a ball and stay there. I literally have spent all afternoon wallowing and really struggling as hate being alone x
Tomorrow I suppose is another day and I hope it fairs better for both of us.
Hope your night gives you some peace,
Suzanne x
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Hi Neil,
It is going to be so hard for you to accept the closing of this chapter in your life, your role as a loving care giver. You must feel very lost indeed, as others have been on here. You should be so proud that your mam and dad were able to have you care for them. Not everyone is cut out for that role, no matter how much they might love their parents. I did whatever I could with gardening and online shopping but found it to be so stressful. So recognise the quality of life they had because of you and focus on all those things you did for them because of your love for them. I have no words of comfort other than I’m sure we will meet our loved ones again when we leave our own lives. I have felt so lost and empty since mam leaving me. The only thing I have been able to do which has helped me is to create my shrine for her above the fireplace, where I have created a buddha garden with candles and lights to celebrate her. It has created a space in which I sit with her. See CREATING A SHRINE FOR MY MAM. It might inspire you to gather some precious bits together, photographs, clothes, cards, lists etc and make an area where you can focus your thoughts. It is helping me to move forward, to get out of bed before the evening because I now look forward to sitting in that space with her. It’s like she’s watching tv with me.
Keep posting and recognise that you will have awful days and that is necessary to process your grief. I couldn’t have ever imagined the depths of pain and despair I have felt in losing my mam. I couldn’t stop crying every day, throughout the day until maybe the last week (not sure). That’s nearly 2 months of intense crying. It feels like I can’t cry again. I am now in a place of feeling totally lost and unable to do much other than household chores, filling in segments of time to get me through the day. Everyone here feels and knows your pain. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to be anything other than what you are feeling.
Sending you love xxx
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Hi Suzanne, It’s true that tomorrow is a new start to get you through the worst days. It’s a relief when you get some respite. Like I have just said to Neil, I cried intensively throughout the day for 2 months and am now in a vast emptiness. Not sure which I prefer because I’m left wondering why am I not still crying for mam? Is it the process of different stages of grief? It’s horrific whatever it is. I still just want to be with mam wherever she is now. My life is so empty without her. Sending you love xxx
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Thank you Christine and Suzanne for your replies. The one thing that is helping me is I have a big love of theatre . I had several tickets booked before Mum passed and one or two friends said go as that what your Mum would have wanted.
She never used to go to the London theatres with me as she didnt want to be on crowded trains but always used to read my programmes and look at my photos.
Getting out even for a few hours has done me good . Theatre is very good for the soul anyway and it keeps me doing something from my 'old life ’ with Mum.
Next show is tomorrow at the Royal Opera House to see Verdi’s Nabucco. Got a nice cheap ticket too ! Determined to enjoy it as much as I can and have a good time. The downside is always coming back to a dark lonely flat . But as I said at least I am fortunate I can escape this feeling of sadness and grief for a few hours xx
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Neil - have an amazing time tomorrow. My mum and I too both liked going to the theatre and we were both going to be seeing Book Of Mormon but not til Oct so have some time to persuade someone to come with me.
Don’t know much about Verdi tbh but I sincerely hope you have a fantastic time and let me know how it goes
Suzanne x
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Neil that is so wonderful. That you are able to go out and enjoy what you love and that you enjoyed it with your mam is fabulous. It will always be awful coming back home but you have had the courage to leave and go out and have fun. You are so lucky! I used to do ballet when I was young and loved being on stage. Mam used to make all my costumes. I remember doing ‘Singing In The Rain’. My brolly wouldn’t open and then it wouldn’t close. Oh the drama. I loved dressing up and wish I’d kept my outfits. Keep doing what you love and do it often. Your mam would be so proud of you. You can tell her all about it. That could soften the blow of coming home. Set up a routine when you get in, grab a drink and light a candle or put some fairy lights on and tell her about the evening, the best bits. You could create a library of your programmes as a tribute to her and to yourself, celebrating what you both love xxx
I always went to see The Nutcracker at Christmas when I was young. Don’t know why I stopped. And I remember now how mam always took the children to the local theatre. Beautiful memories. Thanks Neil x
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Singing in the Rain was one of my mum’s favourites….massive Gene Kelly fan…she made me watch it that many times that I used to tell her if I saw Donald O’Connor running up that wall just once more I would scream lol x
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