I lost my partner of 44 years and I feel every morning that I cannot go on and have suicidal thoughts. My family have not been supportive at all and I do have few friends. We had our whole life working together and have no children together. I now feel I have lost him and my whole way of life.
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Hi Jessica
I know what you mean about mornings. You wake up at 4am & can’t get back to sleep & all you want to do is close your eyes & never wake up so you can be with them. It will be 7 weeks tomorrow since I lost Phil & I’m lucky because I have got the support of both mine & his family but they don’t really understand the depth of the pain as they have never experienced it. Me & Phil also worked together we were never apart & I just don’t know how to be without him. You are not alone there are lots of caring people on here who know exactly what your going through.
Sending big hugs
Net xxx
I find morning so much harder than night. I can stay in bed all day if I let myself. I have never slept so much since Ron died. It is just a way of passing time. I have also never felt so unwell or un motivated. My garden is a mess but I haven’t the energy to even ask someone to do it. Everything is so hard. It is a beautiful day today and yet the tears are welling up in my eyes because I know how much Ron loved the sun and I see everyone enjoying a drink outside. My heart just feels void and flat. No joy left at all.
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Dear @Angiejo2, @Net65 and @Jessica1231,
Just wanted to say how good it is to see you reaching out to each other. I have never been in your sitiation, and could never give the support like you can give to each other, because only you know what it is really like to have suffered the loss or your other half. Do keep supporting each other, that is the whole purpose of this site. Jessica, I see in your profile that you are getting help from mental health nurses. I hope they have given you contact details for times when the grief overwhelms you and you are having suicidal thoughts, as so many others who have come to this site have written about, especially in the early par tof their grief journey. Please do not hesitate to ask them for help if you need it, There are also details on here for when you need urgent help: https://community.sueryder.org/pub/urgent-help
xx Jo64
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Everyone on here echoes my own thoughts and feelings. It was 47 weeks ago that Ian passed away and yet it just seems like yesterday.
As soon as I wake up, the fact that Ian has gone is the first thing I think of. I long for winter as the warm, sunny days bring back too many memories of days out together and travelling.
I find myself getting up later and later, otherwise the days seem endless.
I too have lost interest in my garden, it used to be my pride and joy but I rarely go there these days.
Everyone around me has moved on with their lives, Ian has been forgotten and I have been left trying to pick up the pieces of mine.
I’m not sure I can carry on trying to do this for much longer as it is so hard and what’s the point I keep asking myself. My tears come and go but that overwhelming feeling of sadness and hopelessness is always there.
Julie x
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I feel exactly the same as you I have got to the stage of having the home mental team coming in to keep me safe. As like you do not seem no point in going on. This was supposed to be our down time together doing things we were to busy to do before and he was snatched away. I am hoping there is a bit of a future for me but at the moment it seems to get worse every day the tears never stop.
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Hi Jessica
I’m so pleased you are getting the support you need at such an incredibly difficult time for you. Grief affects us all in so many different ways and at different times doesn’t it.
I live outside Tavistock so if you ever want to meet up for a coffee and chat, just let me know.
Look after yourself,
Julie x
I feel so overwhelmed by sadness. Nearly 11 months on, I really don’t know where the tears keep coming from. I am so lonely and talk to myself all the time. I can’t settle to do anything. Housework, my hobbies have just been put on the back burner. Don’t see the point just for me. I guess you all feel the same, but even knowing this doesn’t seem to help. What can we do? My beloved Peter is not coming home but I cannot come to terms with that thought. I miss him so much. Thinking of you all Moira x
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Hi Moira
I feel exactly the same. It’s 11 months for me as well and everything is just getting worse. I’ve tried to be busy, tried being on my own but nothing can change the fact that I can’t see a future without Ian. Why should I as he was my best friend and partner for over forty years?
People ask how are you but they don’t really want to hear the truth. Like you, I feel so alone and I just feel as if I’m trying to catch Ian in the wind………
Look after yourself,
X Julie
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I feel exactly the same as you my partner died 7 months ago now I go out in the garden asking him to come home now, and knowing it is not going to happen. I never realised I would miss him so much and would give up my life for his as I hate being on my own. We worked for 44 years together and home was just us two. I feel like I have been robbed of the only person I ever wanted if it was not for the accident he would still be here I begged him not to go to the other farm that day but off he went.
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Hi Jessica, its just terrible for you. I hope your getting all the help you need. Not that id been married for a long time. my hubby died almost 3 years ago. 10 year ago gap. (not important). Id know him since i was 17 but only got together when 1 was 30. Married for 29 years. so I really feel your loss. I don’t cry as much but its a lonely live , I’ve lost many friends, they just stopped calling. weekend are the worsted for me… my thoughts are im feeling in a hurry or waiting for something to happen. But what i don’t know. sending a hug your way xxxx
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Hi
29 years is a long time together and remember, it’s the quality of a relationship and not time that is important.
I lost my best friend and someone I had lived with for over 40 years, just over 11 months ago now. The numbness is wearing off and it’s the fear of the future and loneliness that is hard to comes to terms with now. My family live far from me and I have no real close friends living locally. Some friends and neighbours have stopped calling so I can go days without seeing anyone.
Like you, weekends are the worst. I tried explaining that to my sister but she couldn’t understand. I know I should be carving out the new ‘me’ but I have no idea where to start.
Look after yourself,
X Julie
Hi Trixie1,
Thank you for replying, Its hard to explain to some people who seem to think your ok, when your not. my family do live quite close, but still not much contact. Sometimes you just need a hug.
take care
you look after yourself as well xxxx
Hi Trixie
I am a sat here once again like every morning thinking the same dark thoughts of not being here. I hate every minute of the day and I am so afraid of the future the money the overgrown garden meeting people etc. I do not know how long I can go on like this as my heart is breaking.
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Hello Jessica
Did you get my private message? X Julie
Sorry no I have seen no message not
very good with my iPad where did you send the private message to.
Hi Jessica
If you look at the top of the screen, you should see your profile picture. I think yours will just be your initial ‘J’ in a blue circle. Tap that and you should see a row of pink icons – just tap on the pink envelope to be taken to your Private Message inbox.
I hope that helps!
Take care,
Mick
Online Community Team
Hi Jessica
I will send another private message and see if that gets to you. X Julie
Hi Julie have seen your private message did you husband pass away last year or just seven weeks as that is awful for you. I struggle every day to survive and do not want to go anywhere at the moment.
Hi Jessica
No, three weeks tomorrow it will be a year. I’ve no idea where that year has gone or how I got through it. To me it seems like yesterday as the images are still so vivid.
He passed away only seven weeks after his cancer diagnosis. We were told a year but that was not to be and he just suddenly deteriorated rapidly and that was it.
I’m pleased you got my private message as I was wondering what I was doing wrong!
X Julie